What the Future Can Tell You About Your Identity

Complete this sentence:

The future is____________________.

What word did you use?

Good?
Scary?
Uncertain?
Bright?
Wild?

I used to peer into mirrors like they were crystal balls, like if I stared long enough and studied myself hard enough maybe I would discover some kind of clue as to the person I would someday become.

But the future isn’t a mirror. A mirror reflects back what you are, what is, what’s real and what’s present.

When I look into a mirror, I see myself exactly as I am. (I see you, gray hair.)

Did you know that the way we define ourselves is actually based on our view, not of our PRESENT, but of our FUTURE?

So it would be impossible to see my future in the mirror. The future, then, must be more like a window. It’s that place you see in the distance, and long for, even though you’re sitting inside and maybe can’t go out for awhile.

What do you believe about what’s ahead?

If you think the world is going to hell in a handbasket, if you are afraid there’s no future for either you or your children, or if you feel stuck in a repetitive cycle of sameness, your future probably does look bleak.

According to organizational psychologist and author, Benjamin Hardy, humans are different from other animals in that we can consciously imagine different future possibilities.

Your identity actually comes from your view of the future.

You know why losses are so devastating? Because you had already imagined the future. It’s why that miscarriage was so hard. That divorce was so painful. That job loss was a punch in the gut. You imagined a growing child, a healthy marriage, a fulfilling career. What happened? “This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be!” you cry.

And you’d be right.

Some of us dread the future.
And some of us dream of a new future.

“My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.”

— Anonymous

I love thinking about the future me, the person I want to be. During my year of Mission Driven Woman interviews, it was one of just three questions I asked those I interviewed.

“Tell me about the future you,” I’d say. “Who do you want to be? How do you want people to describe you?”

Identity is kind of a funny thing because as a Christian, I believe our identity is found in God, and since God is already in the future, then YES! That makes sense! Our identity IS the future !

The Bible lists all these examples of God leading people to places he’s already been and knows well.

Genesis 24:7: “…he will send his angel before you…”

Exodus 32:34: “…lead the people to the place I spoke of, and my angel will go before you.”

Joshua 23:5: “…He will drive them out before you, and you will take possession of their land, as the Lord your God promised you.”

Isaiah 45:2: I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. 

Isaiah 52:12: “But you will not leave in haste or go in flight; for the Lord will go before you, the God Israel will be your rear guard.”

Psalms 89:14: “…love and faithfulness go before you…”

Psalms 139:5: You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. 

You know what’s interesting about all these examples? The people described were a lot more interested in the person they were following than the people who were following them.

(Take a second and think about that one.)😉

And suddenly, here I am, understanding that even though I don’t know what the future holds, God does. And that has to be enough. Because from this vantage point, the future can be wild and uncertain, but wild and uncertain in the context of God’s kingdom means something totally different than it does here on earth. Here, wild and uncertain are scary, but in heaven the wild and uncertain places are the places where God lives.

If your identity is in your future and your future is in God, then you don’t need to worry about what’s next. You can have confidence that every tiny step you take in the direction of your future is exactly where you’re supposed to be, especially if you’re following in the footsteps of the one who is already there.

Today, I found a birthday card among the doo-dads in my desk drawer. It was from my investment advisor, and I almost tossed it aside, but the words inscribed on the card made me pause because I was just about to hit “publish” on this post, when I read:

“May the best of your past be the worst of your future.”

The most successful people are able to look at the reality of their lives and imagine a new future—different, yes, but still good—but only if they believe that God is good.

That core belief is the foundation of my own identity. If God is good, then he doesn’t make mistakes. And no experience, however painful or unwelcome, is ever wasted.

In January of 2020, our hearts swelled with the expectation and the joy of the new decade. The energy was palpable! We all felt hopeful and excited, but as one thing after another either got canceled or postponed, we found our spirits plummet.

We didn’t see this coming.

But God did.

And I find comfort now in knowing that I am not and will never be defined by what is, but rather by what could be.

The scariest thing about turning over an unknown future to a known God is that it means I have to give up control. The funny thing is I never actually had any control anyway.

In other words, who I am is not found in where I am but rather in the great I AM.

The future is__________________________.

Want more good stuff?

Here’s a list of books I’ve found helpful in this season:

Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby—My favorite book this year for learning how to discern God’s voice in my life.

Love or Work by Andre and Jeff Shinabarger—Authors ask the question, “Is it possible to work with purpose, stay in love, and raise a healthy family--all at the same time?”

The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have Extraordinary Impact by Chip Heath and Dan Heath—These two brothers also wrote Switch and Made to Stick, but I especially loved this one because it made me think about how I can make even the most ordinary things in life feel extra special.

Catching Thoughts by Bonnie Clark—This book was written for kids, but I think the message applies to us grownups too! You know what they say about thoughts:

“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”

— Lao Tzu

The Homemaker's Dilemma

Is the Covid-19 pandemic the “biggest setback for women in decades?”

According to writer, Jessica Valenti, the answer is yes. She asserts that Covid-19 has assured that women are “forced back into the domestic sphere” and that “there’s no progress for women if we’re kept from the public sphere.” (Emphasis mine)

And this is the problem I’ve always had with feminism:

That women’s empowerment equals work outside the home, that we have continued to define our worth in terms of what it means to be a man. And what it means to be a man, evidently, is work that has nothing to do with kids, cooking, or cleaning.

As if escaping that particular domestic prison will somehow free us from years of virtual slavery. “We were made for more!” we chant. “We want equality!” we scream.

The truth is you were made for more, and equality is a worthy ambition.

Absolutely.
A hearty YES.
To all of it.

But before you throw aside “home,” let’s take a look at it from a different point of view.

G.K. Chesterton (who also has one of my favorite quotes about motherhood), said this about home:

“The place where babies are born, where men die, where the drama of mortal life is acted, is not an office or a shop or a bureau. It is something much smaller in size and much larger in scope. And while nobody would be such a fool as to pretend that it is the only place where people should work, or even the only place where women should work, it has a character of unity and universality that is not found in any of the fragmentary experiences of the division of labour.”

Home might be a humble place to be, but it is huge in the way that it shapes the human heart. In fact, home has often been described as the place we long for—more than where we’re from or where we lay our heads at night—it is the place that brings us the most joy.

The Beginning

And I think that’s why the very first thing God ever did—before he created Adam and Eve—was prepare a home for them. He made it both functional and beautiful, and it was all for them. And then maybe you noticed, too, in the New Testament, in the book of John that Jesus is described as the “Word made flesh who made his dwelling among us.” (John 1:14)

His dwelling!
In US!

And when John the Baptist’s disciples met Jesus for the first time, they said, “‘Rabbi, where are you staying?’
’Come,’ he replied, ‘and you will see.’
So they went and saw where he was staying, and they spent that day with him.” (John 1:38-39)

I hope that Covid-19 doesn’t prove to be the biggest setback for women in decades.

I hope that men do step up to the plate and pitch in. It truly does take a village to raise a child, and lately we’ve found our village shrinking, so all the moms, dads, brothers and sisters, are carrying a larger load than normal. I, too, have noticed that the division of labor is not equal.

YET.

But that doesn’t mean that we’re not getting there.

While the pandemic may set women back in terms of work outside the home, I do believe that inside the home, they are being appreciated more than ever before. Women were, are, and will continue to be the quintessential essential worker.

Hands down.

Women with side hustles and women who are building businesses once their children have reached school-age are doing everything they can to do to keep it together—and more. If the pandemic has taught us anything, it’s that we’re capable of so much more than we ever thought possible.

Remember that G.K. Chesterton quote about our homes? Here’s what he said about motherhood:

“How can it be a large career to tell other people's children about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one's own children about the universe?
How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow to be everything to someone? No. A woman's function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute. I will pity Mrs. Jones for the hugeness of her task; I will never pity her for its smallness.”

The Truth

I think the pandemic has given us all a chance to reflect on where we are and what we truly want our lives to look like. In fact, I have a friend who is a Vice President at a large national corporation. Before the pandemic she was often getting up at 5:00 AM and heading out on a plane for a week of meetings at various venues. Since March, she’s been working exclusively from home and hasn’t traveled at all. You know what she told me? She said that home has always been her safe place. She has always loved walking in the door after being gone all week. “I’m home,” she’d breathe as she crossed the threshold and her family embraced her. “Now,” she says, “I’m getting more sleep. I’m not exhausted all the time. I’m reading more books, and instead of spending free time planning for the next presentation, I’m exercising and making memories with my girls. I love being home. It’s the best place in the world.”

Perhaps one day soon she’ll be back on a plane. She’s a talented executive, after all, and her income allows their family some pretty sweet perks—like a backyard pool, private school, and several vacations a year.

But my friend knows that home is lovely, too.

And yet we continue to strive and climb and claw our way out of our comfortable homes in search of something—I don’t know what—as if we’re wasting our lives if we choose to do anything other than what’s commonly referred to as “men’s work.”

You want respect? Be proud of the world you’ve created for your family. Who says you’re wasting anything?

Instead of complaining about the unfair balance, what if instead you patted yourself on the back, because you know you’re not only capable but also thriving in this new world?

Men vs. Women

Study after study has shown that women are able to juggle more than men. They don’t compartmentalize ideas and tasks, but are more like a computer in that can keep many tabs open at once. With brains that are more symmetrical than those of men, the two sides are able to “talk” to one another. Additionally, women experience emotions on a deeper level, which is helpful in how women relate and respond to the myriad new challenges being thrown at us right now.

I wholeheartedly do agree with so many things about the women’s movement. I’m for equal pay for equal work, and I’m against discrimination and sexual harassment in the workplace.

But I often wonder—if values like homemaking, cooking, and caring for children were prized in society for what they really are—beautiful ways to honor our families and strengthen the ties that bind us—would more women endeavor to do it? If we gave homemaking the honor it deserves, would more women proudly declare their status as “just a mom”? Is the thing in us that makes us want more the very thing that makes us feel like we’re less?

“The fastest way to kill something special is to compare it to something else.”

— Craig Groeschel

Please, just stop it.
Stop comparing yourself to men.

C.S. Lewis said,

If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”

One day, you will enter a home that will satisfy all your earthly longings.

Until that day, my friend, keep going. You are doing a good work.

And we know that’s true because Jesus even said, “My father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?” (John 14:2)

Home Sweet Home.

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The Best Job in the World

How’s it going over there?

I’m sure I’m not the only one who's been thinking about our current situation -- managing the day to day, adjusting to our new normal, and taking care while staying sane. 

I’ve been thinking about you too - and how so many of you let me know you’re barely holding it together.

If the family is clothed and fed, you probably feel a little bit like Wonder Woman. And that might be because there’s no such thing anymore as a day job and a side gig. All the gigs have squished together like a 90s mosh pit.

We’re doing what we have to do right now, not necessarily what we want to do.

Which is weird because I can think of a lot of jobs I’d never want to do, and it’s crazy they involve a lot of the work I’m doing now. I can tell you for sure that I don’t ever want to be a full-time teacher, chef, nail technician, or nurse.

But speaking of nurses….

I know a guy whose wife is an oncology nurse. Last year, she missed a Christmas party because she had to work. “Awww,” we all said when he told us she wasn’t coming. “That’s so sad.”

He shook his head violently. “Are you kidding?” he said. “She has the best job in the world! Every single day, she gets to be the best part of someone’s worst day.”

You can always be the best part of someone else’s worst day.

And that phrase has always stuck with me.

Especially when I think about my friends working in the healthcare profession right now. They are exhausted, worn out, and emotionally spent. There’s a big sign in front of our local hospital that reads: “Heroes Work Here.,” and every time I pass it, I smile. It’s lonely and terrifying work, but the ones on the front lines also tell me that it’s extremely gratifying.

I, too, want to be the best part of someone’s worst day.

On days like today.

When I found out my senior is going to have an online graduation ceremony.
And probably not until July.
And when my friend told me her husband’s job was furloughed with paychecks to end “immediately.”
And when my daughter saw her friends from across the street and couldn’t go hug them.
And when this lady I don’t even know who wanted to buy a bed we were selling on Facebook marketplace told me about her daughter fleeing an abusive husband.

Oh, there’s so many things out of my control right now!

But you know what? In the midst of all this bad news, I have an opportunity to be “good news.”

Even in quarantine I can find a way to make someone else’s day better.

And I don’t have to be an oncology nurse (or any other kind of nurse) to do that. I just have to be…

AVAILABLE.
THOUGHTFUL.
PRACTICAL.

Some ideas:

• I love these cards from The Hope Deck, perfect to pop in a mailbox, tape to a bathroom mirror, or leave on a pillowcase for a child to find.

• Jeni’s Ice Cream is always a fun treat. (You know I love good ice cream because I’m always talking about it!) Try the Terrace Brunch or the Virtual Crowd Pleaser collection.

• Send a video text to your best friend, so she can see your pretty face.

• Buy some happy stickers and pop them in the mail. You could also add these limited edition coronavirus stickers to your favorite water bottle or face mask.

• And of course, don’t forget to remind your bestie to “follow her mission, not the madness” with one of these cool tees.

The thing about quarantine that I’ve found most surprising is that my emotions are like little ghosts, creeping around, both there and not there at the same time, and jumping out at me when I least expect it. And I’ve found that this is true for a lot of people right now. It’s not just me. A really good day can turn into a bad day in an instant.

Above all else, be kind. Be extraordinarily kind.

Then count your blessings because the best job in the world is the one you’d do even if no one paid you to do it. And you’re in luck because being the best part of someone’s worst day is something we can all do—FOR FREE.

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WINSday on Wednesday--Don't Ask "What If?" Do THIS Instead

Who wants to talk about New Year’s resolutions?

Anyone…

Anyone???

I know. It’s not even February, and we’re already sick and tired of talking about our goals.

Hey, I get it.

New year, new you. Whoop-de-doo!

It IS a new year. The new you is up to you.

In fact, one of my favorite questions to ask people—no matter what time of year it is—is
“What is your aspirational future?”

My twelve year-old daughter told me just last week that her resolution this year is to stay exactly the same.

“I’m sorry,” I told her. “You’re not allowed to do that.”

Now before you get your pants in a tizzy about me loving my daughter exactly the way she is, let me assure you, I do.
I think she is a wonderful human.
She’s thoughtful, creative, and hard-working.
And I’ve told her as much many times. She knows all this is true.

But she’s also FEARFUL. (And she knows this is true, as well.)

Remember when you were a kid and your teacher would ask a question in class? If you knew the answer, your hand would shoot up in the air. But if you didn’t know the answer or you were unsure or thought your friends were going to make fun of you, then you would look down at your desk or out the window—anywhere you wouldn’t accidentally make eye contact with the teacher.

Questions are scary, and when you operate from a place of fear, all of life feels like one big question:

WHAT IF?

What if it’s too hard?
What if I look stupid?
What if I get hurt?
What if I never figure out how to do it?
What if…what if…what if….

Questions are loaded with anxiety.

So let’s talk about statements instead, specifically what I like to call What I.F. statements.

What I Fear is…

You exercise control over the fear when you frame the fear through the lens of a statement.

Fred Rogers said, “If it’s mentionable, it’s manageable.”

Although the emotion of fear is real, the cause may not even be true. That’s why fear doesn’t have to rule your life.

If you can categorize your fear, you can conquer it.

Last year, I interviewed my friend, Jordan Foxworthy. She told me about how when she was a little girl she also lived from a place of fear. She was afraid of so many things! And then one day she just decided to say yes—yes to an overseas missions trip with her dad. Getting on the plane and traveling to a faraway country with customs and language different from her own, she said “YES” and the experience changed the trajectory of her entire life! (You can watch our full interview here.)

Change is scary. Sometimes, I think we actually become more fearful as we get older. Maybe it’s because we can imagine all the ways in which something can go wrong. We know too much. Knowledge isn’t always power.

Sometimes, knowledge is paralyzing.

Jordan, who is now in her late 20s, says she often has to remind herself how far she’s come. Saying “yes” opened her up to the possibility of new experiences.

“My life is more interesting, eclectic, and diverse than my high school aged brain ever imagined it would be.”

Nobody wants to be scaredy-cat., so my daughter and I decided to make a list of a bunch of new things to try this year. She’s learning how to ride a skateboard. This is a big step. After crashing into a mailbox on a bike, I didn’t know if she’d ever trust herself on a set of wheels again. But a bike is not a skateboard. And crashing into a mailbox one time doesn’t mean we’ll crash into a mailbox the next time. Next time, she’ll remember to use her brakes. Problem solved!

We don’t get braver by doing nothing.

What are you scared of?

• Talking to that client?

• Making that career move?

• Ending that relationship?

• Starting a new exercise routine?

• Going back to school?

Name the fear. Surrender to what’s in front of you, and the next step will reveal itself. Resistance is what keeps you where you are.

If your goal this year is to stay exactly the same, then by all means, do nothing. Keep asking those “what if” questions. But if you want the interesting, eclectic, diverse life you’ve always dreamed of, then it’s time to open yourself up to the possibility of saying YES without fear.

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WINSday on Wednesday--Your Vantage Point is the Point of Your Advantage

Have you ever felt like you were suffocating under a mountain of disappointments, only to discover that the shattered pieces of your life weren't rubble after all, but actually the building blocks of what would ultimately become the capstone of your life's work?

We all have a friend who seems to have it all. Her kids have straight A’s. Her house is immaculate. She never gets sick, and she’s always on vacation.

And we all also have a friend who always seems to get the short end of the stick. Her house needs repairs. Her doctor gives her a bad report. Her teenager gets in an accident. Her love story is crumbling.

It doesn’t seem fair.

From the inside looking out, it seems like there’s no way out.

But from the outside looking in, you see the place where light can enter. And maybe it’s because you, too, know a little bit about hardship. You have shouldered the pain, experienced the diagnosis, and weathered the storm. You’ve lost the marriage, the job, and the house. You know some dreams may never come true. Your heart breaks for your friend.

And because your heart beats on, you know hers will, too. Believe it or not, from where you sit now, you do have an advantage.

And the vantage IS your advantage.

The position lends credibility to the view.

My friend, Courtney, knows a little bit about vantage points.

A few years ago, two of Courtney’s close family members were victims of abuse. A person they knew betrayed their trust. For a moment Courtney felt blindsided. She never could have imagined that something like this could have happened to her or anyone in her family. She didn’t know how she would survive it.

But that was only for a moment.

Courtney sprung into action, finding help and seeking justice for the perpetrator.

Like so many women who have experienced hard seasons, even trauma, she found her purpose both in spite of it and because of it.

Now she’s the founder of Pinwheels for Protection, an advocacy outreach for victims of abuse. Over the past three years, she’s raised $60,000 to fund therapies for victims in Salisbury, MD. Courtney has dedicated her life to an awareness campaign that not only helps prevent abuse, but also helps family members identify the signs of abuse, and support victims as they heal in the months and years to come.

The Life Crisis Center has provided Courtney with an avenue to share what she’s learned through an unexpected event, a pivotal circumstance that provided her with a new vantage point. If she could go back in time and change what happened, she would. Because she cant, she’s using it. The gift of experience is grace for tomorrow.

No experience, however trivial or traumatic, is ever wasted. Never think for one second that your trauma did not matter or matters only to you. While your experience is personal, the emotion surrounding it is universal.

Even if you haven’t suffered exactly like Courtney, you too have a pain point, a sensitive place resulting from something that someone said to you or did to you. While these derailments often masquerade as distractions, they may actually provide you with uncompromisable direction.

DISCOVERING YOUR PURPOSE

1. Is your heart breaking over a shattered dream?

2. What are you unable to see right now?

3. Can you imagine the view from a new vantage point?

4. Who do you see that needs your guidance?

5. What are the things that encourage your heart to keep beating?

If not you, then who is better equipped to help others see a way to overcome their own disappointments?

Remember, your vantage is your advantage!

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Focus is a Profound Motivator

Ah, the holidays are here, and with them comes a mix of complex emotions.

I need to start this post by letting you know that I never, ever cry. Well, hardly ever. Like twice a year. I think I even skipped last year. So I guess I’m due.

The other day, while watching Gingerbread Giants on the Food Network, I discovered actual tears on my cheeks after learning Ann Britt Bailey won the grand prize for her 2017 gingerbread creation titled “Three Ghosts,” an edible interpretation of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol.

I like gingerbread, but I wouldn’t say I’m emotional about it. I’ve never gotten teary-eyed over any house I’ve ever decorated. In fact, I tossed the two we decorated this year two days before Christmas with nary a fleeting regret.

I’m not even that big of a fan of A Christmas Carol. It’s cute, but I’ll take How the Grinch Stole Christmas any day of the week. There’s something magical about the Christmas spirit in Whoville.

What is it about Christmas that brings out all the feels?

I think it’s a combination of two very important emotions:

1. Gratitude for what happened last year

2. Expectation for what will happen in the new year

“Whenever you find tears in your eyes, especially unexpected tears, it is well to pay the closest attention. They are not only telling you something about the secret of who you are, but more often than not God is speaking to you through them of the mystery of where you have come from and is summoning you to where, if your soul is to be saved, you should go next.” ”

— Frederick Buechner

For someone who hardly ever cries, it seems dumb to admit that a gingerbread competition I had never heard of nor knew any of the contestants at would cause such salty discharge to stream down my cheeks.

But it’s the truth.

Ann Bailey’s prize was a respectable $5,000. Was the money the reason for my tears? It seems like a paltry amount when you consider the nearly 800 hours of work she put into the piece, not to mention the expense, travel, and (I’m only guessing here) physical toll it took on her body (Not only is she a breast cancer survivor, but anyone capable of that kind of intricate detail would have to experience some degree of eye fatigue and back pain.)

I think I saw something in Ann that reminded me of myself.

No one feels fully equipped and has the unlimited funds, time and energy to achieve their goals. All of us are terrified of failure, looking silly, and disappointing our friends. So what causes some people to give up and go home while others continue to hone their craft until they become the best in their field? And what is it that attracts us to those people?

Still emotional, I got curious about Ann Bailey. I learned she discovered the National Gingerbread Competition in 2006 while channel surfing in her living room. At the time, she was already an accomplished artist but everything she had baked up until that time had come solely from a box. Can you believe Ann doesn’t even like gingerbread?

She didn’t place until 2009.

Ann said, “I refuse to underachieve. I love to challenge myself. If have to do something 35,000 times, I will master it.”

That’s what dedication looks like!

Ann Bailey is a learner. So am I. And so are you. That’s what we say, anyway. Every year, my friends and I decide how many books we’re going to read—usually somewhere between 25 and 60, a paltry amount compared to book nerds like Bill Gates and Gretchen Rubin. We love to read together because reading is fun, but it’s not…focused.

And focus is a profound motivator.

What if this year we decided to do something different? What if together we chose one topic that interests us and then read/studied/did everything we could related to that one subject? So instead of piling up a mix of fiction, memoir, business, and poetry, we would vow instead to focus on our one thing?

Choose your topic. What is it? Write it down.

This year, I’ll be focusing on Women and Work.

Ann Bailey has finally given up on gingerbread. But she’s not hanging up her apron yet. Now that she’s mastered cookies, she’s turning her attention to wedding cakes. There’s no doubt she’s got the talent. After seeing her success in one medium, I’m excited to follow her progress in this new one.

What will you focus on this year?

Here’s to new adventures in 2020!

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WINSday on Wednesday--Your Mentor is the Key to your Success

So you want to experience life doing more of what you love. That’s amazing! If more people did that, we’d live in a joyful, more passion-filled world.

But you’re running into problems. You’re pouring all your passion into your work, which is great, but you’re experiencing none of the joy. You feel stuck because you’re unsure about where to begin and you have no idea what to do even after you start. Whether you’re starting something new, pivoting into a different role at your current work, or just need help figuring out a tough problem, you’re at a crossroads and need to know what’s next. You don’t want to do this thing alone.

What’s going on?

In August, I ran into my friend, Kristi Porter, at a conference for social entrepreneurs. We knew each other via email because I had been following her blog for a couple of years and in November 2018, I interviewed her for Mission Driven Monday. At that conference, we sat down and chatted for about an hour. I felt like a little kid in the classroom because I got to soak up all Kristi’s business wisdom in person, and it was a treat.

Kristi is the founder and executive director of Signify, a company that helps small nonprofits and for-profits with a social mission get noticed and grow through effective marketing and communications.

The conversation that followed turned out to be exactly the medicine I needed (and I think we all need when we’re starting a business). But an hour later, I moaned, “Kristi, I thought we were just going to have a nice chat. That was really hard!”

And it was really hard in the same way that training for a big race is hard. Or working on a tough math problem is hard.

It was hard but so necessary and so good.

Kristi started by asking this question:

“Where is the value that you, as leader, are providing for your readers and clients?”

That’s a hard question!

But that’s what good mentors do. They ask the hard questions, and they don’t quit until you give them a satisfactory answer.

When I interviewed Kristi the year before, she told me the one thing—the ONE thing—everyone needs is a mentor and an accountability partner. Actually, that’s two things, but you get the point. Pretend that you are a coin—on one side you have your mentor and on the other side is your accountability partner.

I was going to insert an inspiring quote about mentoring right here because I’m sure Oprah or John Maxwell said something inspiring on this topic. But you know what? Solomon, the wisest man in the Bible, already said everything that needs to be said. He said, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

Think back over your life. Whatever you do—if you’re doing it well—it’s probably because someone somewhere sometime came along and helped you. Maybe it was an encouraging word. Maybe it was a connection to another person. Maybe a beautiful partnership was born. And your life was never the same.

Mentors help us become the best version of ourselves. They bring out the wonderful things that exist inside of us, showing us that we can do infinitely more than we ever thought possible. And the accountability partner? That person is like your supervisor at work, except you chose this guy to watch out for you. This is the guy who makes sure you get the job done. You report to her, and if you’re a slacker, she’ll tell you. But you won’t be a slacker because you want to do well. You are responsible for your life, and you want to prove to your accountability partner that you are more than capable of doing the work.

(Need help finding a mentor or an accountability partner? Be sure to read next week’s post! Sign up on the form below, and I’ll make sure you don’t miss a thing!)

Here’s to your success!

Chantel

P.S. If you missed my interview with Kristi Porter, you can check it out here. Also, don’t forget to visit the Signify website. If you’re a nonprofit or a small business with a social mission, you have to check out Kristi’s resources. Kristi was a guest blogger for Mission Driven Women a few months ago. She wrote about discovering the work you’re meant to do, and it is pure gold. You can read it here.

A book Kristi recommends, and I’m excited to re-read in the new year is Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby. There’s a new edition out since I did this study more than a decade ago. Let’s do it together!

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WINSday on Wednesday--Discovering Work That Matters

“Choosing a life-long career path is SO easy. “(Said no one ever.)

So why am I still surprised when I hear someone talk about the work they do and it has nothing to do with the words emblazoned on their college diploma?

This week’s WINSday on Wednesday inspiration comes from my friend, Deanna McCurdy, a trained physical therapist but a real-life competitive runner and philanthropist.

How did it happen?

In 2010, Deanna’s daughter, Hayden, was diagnosed with a rare neurologic disorder called Angelman Syndrome. Both motherhood and work began to look different than the life she originally imagined for herself. Suddenly, all the pieces in the puzzle began to make sense.

Deanna was a gifted runner. She understood science. She knew the human body inside and out.

And she found her why.

Although Deanna’s daughter might never be able to run alongside her, in fact, she may never utter a single sentence, Deanna began competing in endurance races, and inspiring other parents to set their own running goals—all in the name of finding a cure.

In conjunction with FAST, the Foundation for Angelman Syndrome Therapeutics, Deanna launched Wings to Fly, the fundraising arm of FAST.

“God gave me the ability to run and the ability to understand the human body. When he gave me a child who can’t do those things, I discovered my purpose.”

I’m intrigued when I hear people talk about the work they do. For them, the “work” has nothing to do with what we commonly think of as “our job.”

How do we plan and prepare for the lives we lead? Is purpose something we’re born with or something to be discovered? Can we find meaning in the circumstances that chose us?

Unpaid work can be a springboard for the work you’re meant to do.

Ree Drummond is one such example. You know her as the Pioneer Woman. Ree has a degree in Gerontology, the study of aging, but after meeting and falling in love with cattle rancher, Lad Drummond, Ree said goodbye to law school and moved back to her home state of Oklahoma to raise her family.

In 2006, she launched a blog detailing life on the ranch and what it was like to be a wife and homeschool mom to four kids. Eventually, she began adding recipes to the blog. Her fan base began to grow, and the rest, as they say, is history. Her engaging persona and beautiful smile also attract a large viewership to her Food Network show, The Pioneer Woman, and additional millions purchase her cookbooks (filled with beautiful photos she takes herself). I, myself, am a thoroughly satisfied customer. On any given week, you can find me in my kitchen leafing through one of her books and daydreaming about meatballs and chocolate pie.

This millionaire business woman probably never imagined a life like the one she has now. Remember, she studied GERONTOLOGY, not GASTRONOMY for goodness’ sake.

And she started out just like me!

Ree Drummond, of course, is not the first woman to find fame and fortune through the pursuit or in spite of the unpaid work she felt called to do. In Mason Currey’s book Daily Rituals: Women at Work we find profile after profile of smart, driven women who treated their art like hobbies while they raised their kids and supported their husbands. In some instances, the work wasn’t a hobby at all and yet the expectations of the day demanded these women devote their first hours to childcare and housework, only to spend time doing the things that made their souls come alive after the dishes had been scrubbed and put away and the children had been tucked snugly into their beds at night.

Women like Clara Schumann, Penelope Fitzgerald, and Shirley Jackson.

Last year, I interviewed more than fifty inspiring women as part of my Mission Driven Monday video series. In all these interviews, we talked about work, marriage, family, and service. Not one of the mothers I interviewed said she regretted having a child or family, although many said their lives look a lot different than the ones they imagined for themselves.

You will always be most successful at those things that are most personal to you.

But the real question is : Can you live with the ambiguity of not knowing what’s next or how long it might take to find the work you’re meant to do?

I hope that wherever you are and in whatever you’re doing you feel valued and appreciated. In the context of a loving, equal partnership, women just like you are free to pursue their curiosity.

Because your degree didn’t come with directions for your life.

And that’s pretty cool.

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You can catch my interview with Deanna here.
Or learn more about Wings to Fly and Team Miles for Smiles here.

I’m still interviewing women about the work they’re doing. If I can contact you to ask you questions about your personal story, please sign up below and feel free to share this post with all the inspired women you know.

WINSday on Wednesday--On Agendas and Nap Mats

One of my favorite books on life (and on writing) is Bird by Bird by Anne Lamont:

“Thirty years ago my older brother, who was ten years old at the time, was trying to get a report on birds written that he’d had three months to write. [It] was due the next day. We were out at our family cabin in Bolinas, and he was at the kitchen table close to tears, surrounded by binder paper and pencils and unopened books on birds, immobilized by the hugeness of the task ahead. Then my father sat down beside him, put his arm around my brother’s shoulder, and said. ‘Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.”

— Anne Lamont, Bird by Bird

That phrase, “bird by bird” has been a favorite mantra of mine whenever I’ve been overwhelmed by the hugeness of the tasks before me.

When my kids were in elementary school, they were required to carry an agenda. The agenda featured boxes for every subject, and the kids wrote their homework in these boxes. Each assignment included a due date and had to be signed nightly by a parent before being returned to school the next morning. I carried a similar agenda when I was in college, and I still have them because throwing them away feels akin to erasing the whole of my life. It’s as if the agenda is proof that I lived and I DID STUFF! When I graduated, I set aside the flimsy, spiral-bound agenda for a more grown-up day planner complete with a fancy leather cover. I wrote everything in it—EVERYTHING—from meetings to to-do lists to what I was having for dinner on any given night. But as the children arrived and my life became less structured I gave up the leather-clad agenda for a more practical sticky-note method of organization.

I’ll tell you a secret: The sticky-note method created a lot of challenges.

For one, I was no longer the dynamic, yet driven professional who got work done. Suddenly, I found that I had morphed into a flaky, late, last-minute, and forgetful person, a person surrounded by notes and lists scribbled on scraps and haphazardly strewn about the house.

Was the agenda of my youth comprised of magic paper?

I don’t think so, but what the real agenda did force me to do was pause. A neat and organized person will calmly open to the appropriate clearly-labeled page, review what has already been done, and take note of all upcoming work. The person who uses an agenda knows exactly where to find exactly what she needs. Bird by bird, she checks things off her list and by the end of the day, week, or year, she can clearly see all she has accomplished.

Keeping an agenda isn’t rocket science; it’s common sense. Hence, the reason my kindergartener came home with one on her very first day of school.

Our WINSday on Wednesday is inspired by my friend, Karen Seward.

Karen and I don’t talk about agendas in this episode, but what we do talk about is life. Karen is motivated and driven. She has a full-time job at a large corporation and she also finds time to do the work that speaks to her soul, something she calls Karen’s Coffee Corner. Karen has built a community, written a book, and become an accomplished motivational speaker.

How does Karen do it all? Does she have a magic agenda?

Her secret might surprise you: Karen starts the day by doing absolutely nothing.

She calls this meditation, and it’s definitely not doing nothing. Meditation is important work. When Karen first started meditating, she would set a timer for just two minutes. After years of practice, today she doesn’t need a timer at all and still spends up to thirty minutes every morning in silence. She told me that she imagines putting all her cares into a giant balloon and releasing them into the sky,. Then she focuses on simply being grateful.

I thought about my agenda, the one I’m not currently keeping. I wonder if I simply implemented the practice of meditation, if it would help keep me on track.

According to Karen, I would be:

• Less Stressed

• More motivated

• And have increased focus

“Imagine putting all your worries in a balloon and letting them go,” Karen advises. “Your bank accounts, your 401 K, your business, and your tensions. Find a way to visually allow your worries to float away.”

In my imagination, I like the idea of not having an agenda. Wouldn’t it be fun if everyday was like being on vacation?

“I’m on ‘island time,’ baby!”

As if!

But if we want to be successful, if we want to actually DO STUFF, we would do well to go back to the beginning. My kindergartener had an agenda AND she had a nap mat. Everyday, her teacher made the entire class roll out their mats and lay there for thirty minutes. They didn’t have to go to sleep, but they did have to rest.

The first grade teacher did not include a nap mat among the long list of supplies the kids were required to bring to school.

But I wish she would have kept up the practice.

When does a person ever really stop needing a nap mat?

There’s value in the things we do as kids. It’s funny and weird that we grow up and somehow think we know more and can do better. I guess that’s true of a few things, like managing our money or navigating complicated work relationships. But if you go back to those early days of agendas and nap mats, wouldn’t you agree that you never felt more true to yourself as you did when you were five?

After thirty minutes, you rolled up your mat, sat back down at your desk, and began your work, refreshed and ready to take on the day—bird by bird.

WANT MORE GREAT CONTENT?

If you missed my interview with Karen Seward, you can catch up here.

Or follow Karen on Instagram here.

WINSday on Wednesday--Redefining Contentment

“Three things rule the world: stupidity, fear, and greed.”

— Albert Einstein

Stupid is as stupid does, fear is everywhere, but greed…

That one sticks with me.

Because, if everybody has a vice, then mine is avarice. The first time I heard that word, I had to look it up to find out what it meant. Turns out it’s just a fancy word for greed. Not the kind of greed where you want to make a lot of money and bury it under a rock. The kind where you keep things close to your heart. Things that are meant to be given away.

Avarice is the opposite of contentment. Avarice says there’s not enough. Avarice hoards. Avarice hides. Avarice is a handicap. Ironically, it’s this fear of not having enough or not knowing enough that keeps me within the grip of greed. And that’s pretty stupid!

Contentment, on the other hand, says that what you have is enough.

My friend Lydia is the literal embodiment of contentment, and she is the inspiration for today’s WINSday on Wednesday.

In a conversation we had last year, we talked a lot about contentment. She said most people think contentment is passive, a resignation that what’s real, although not ideal, is good enough.

In real life, we live with an extraordinary amount of external expectations. That pressure makes us feel squeezed in all the wrong places. We begin to tell ourselves a story of contentment that starts with, “I’ll be happy when I get _________” or “I’ll stop striving when ______________ happens.” It’s tempting to hold tight to what we have right now when we fear an unknown future that might include elements of missing out or losing out.

But there’s one thing contentment is not: Contentment is not passive. It’s active and focused. Contentment is a deliberate intent to fill yourself up with love so you can embrace a vision of ways to give away more time, money, art, and love.

It’s a lesson on “How to be Generous” on steroids.

Our souls are not like vaults in a bank: empty, insulated, and locked. No vault can rival the human soul, which has an infinite capacity for forgiveness, love, and grace.

We are full enough. There’s nothing we need less than more stuff.

Today, I’m making a pact with myself—
Less scarcity mindset, more abundance mindset.

If my old self walked around with clenched hands, this new one will pay attention to living more open-handed.

Contentment is not far away from any one of us.

Thank you, Lydia Mays. Thank you for starting See Beautiful; your influence cannot be measured. You have encouraged all of us to create more beautiful in the world, beginning with a heart of contentment.

Want to Join our tribe of Mission Driven women?

How to Make Life Easier

A place for everything and everything in it’s place isn’t just a pithy aphorism; it’s advice steeped in tradition and research.

In cooking, chefs call this mise en place, and it’s the very first thing every good chef does—before anything ever gets mixed, sauteed, broiled, or fried. I used to think mise en place was a waste of time. I’m a busy mom, after all, and I need to get dinner on the table quick. Who has time to cook, let alone prep like a professional chef?

The reality, however, is quite the opposite. One of the principles of mise en place is slow down to speed up. By slowing down at the beginning of preparation, you’re able to speed up the actual process of cooking.

Can I just be real honest here?

Do you know how many times I’ve rushed to get something in the oven and ended up missing an important step, left out an ingredient altogether, or realized I don’t even have all the groceries I need to make the dish? While something is boiling away on the stove, I’m trying to figure out how to make my own buttermilk or self rising flour or find an adequate substitute for an egg. It’s exhausting—and totally unnecessary!

Mise en place is a thing because it works. When you take time to organize at the beginning of a task, you set yourself up for success. No more running back and forth to the pantry multiple times. No more texting the neighbors with your desperate pleas. Sure, you may dirty more bowls in the long run, but the results are worth it.

By now, it should be obvious that mise en place doesn’t just apply to cooking. Nearly everything you do can benefit from the mise en place philosophy. You don’t have to dive head-first into everything in your life!

If you don’t take time to work out the details and prepare for a project before you begin, you’ll spend a lot of time cleaning up preventable mistakes later. Plus, you might have to settle for a result in which you never planned.

I have a confession:

I get in trouble with this all the time when it comes to decorating my home. I save a few things I like on Pinterest, begin obsessing over what that furniture/lighting/rug would look like in my own house and begin placing orders online quicker than you can say “boo.“

Why do I do this?

• Because I don’t want to pay for shipping on a bunch of 6x6 inch fabric swatches.

• Because I don’t want to fight traffic on the way down to the lighting store to see the lighting in person.

• Because I don’t want to wait 12 weeks on a custom piece to arrive.

Guess what? Furniture is expensive, and restocking fees are no joke. I don’t have an unlimited budget, and so any decisions I make I’m probably going to have to live with for a decade or so. Ten years is a long time to sit on a sofa that’s not even that comfortable!

Because I need the reminder as much as anyone, I’ve got a few questions that will help you decide if mise en place might work for you:

1) Do you have an upcoming decision that’s so important you feel like you need to make it right now?

Hint: Don’t do anything until you’ve done the legwork: Maybe you need to gather research, crunch some numbers, or talk to a trusted advisor. Take your time and you’ll be fine!

2) Is there anything you can do while you’re gathering the necessary information/research/tools you need to complete your core project?

Hint: Distractions are a major impediment. To prevent yourself from spiraling (i.e. scrolling absent-mindedly through social media, daydreaming, or saying yes to other people’s projects), make sure you have a few projects that are related, but that require less intense focus, fewer resources, or no hard deadline. You don’t need to change course, but you might need to shift gears for a little while.

3) Are you freaked out by the overwhelming number of tasks involved?

Hint: If you’re intimidated by your tasks, implementing the mise en place philosophy might be just the ticket. No one wants to lose credibility, not get paid, or miss important deadlines. Mise en place has been expertly designed to maximize efficiency and accuracy, but meticulous and purposeful inefficiency is what will ultimately get you there.

“Mise en place means far more than simply assembling all the ingredients, pots and pans, plates, and serving pieces needed for a particular period. Mise en place is also a state of mind. Someone who has truly grasped the concept is able to keep many tasks in mind simultaneously, weighing and assigning each its proper value and priority. This assures that the chef has anticipated and prepared for every situation that could logically occur during a service period.”

— The New Professional Chef

Your resources are precious.
Your time is precious.
You are precious.

Let’s make a pact together that we won’t waste anymore of the good stuff! It’s time to get crackin’! (And I’m not talking about eggs.)

There are so many great planners and tools out there. You can find some of my favorites at Love and Spreadsheets. (Give Sarah a follow. She’s an organizational guru and an expert at all things EFFICIENT.)

Ready to take it to the next level?

How to Be Ready for YOUR Next Big Thing

If I could turn back time and go back to my very first day of work at my very first real job, I’d tell myself, “This too shall pass.”

I was 21, three credits short of my college degree, married, and—let’s face it—poor. I needed the paycheck, even if the job didn’t feel like the work I was meant to do.

I can’t turn back time, but the words remain.

This too shall pass.

When you feel stuck, you think you’ll be stuck FOREVER, and forever is a really, really, really long time.

I blame it on humans’ woefully incompetent ability to measure time with any real accuracy.

I mean, we didn’t even have standard time until 1878, when it was invented by Sir Sanford Fleming, who thought it would be a good idea to synchronize all the clocks within a geographical area to a single time standard. Easier for weather forecasting and train travel, he reasoned. The geographical areas weren’t evenly spaced into time zones until the 20th century. The 20th century! Since I was born in the 20th century, I feel like it was a very short time ago.

So yeah, apparently we’re still learning.

Bill Gates spoke to business people when he said “Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.”

And then Gretchen Rubin came along and told all the moms, “The days are long, but the years are short.”

But my all-time favorite is the message the late Andy Rooney had for all of us when he said, “I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.”

That’ll preach.

But seriously, time is just WEIRD.

And maybe that’s why I continue to go back to this verse from the Psalmist:

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

— Psalms 90:12

To number something means to count it, to keep track, to pay attention.

Remember when your mom said, “Young lady, your days are numbered!”

You knew she meant business.

That’s why your “SOMEDAY” dreams are so important.

Someday we’ll be here before we know it. And if we haven’t been numbering our days we’ll look back and wonder what happened to them all. It’s time to take back time—and I mean business, young lady!

Here’s a simple plan for making sure your someday dreams happen:

1) Clarify what it is you actually want. (Do you want to launch a nonprofit, start a coaching business, or quit your full time job and stay home with your kids? Whatever it is, be very clear about the big picture goal.)

2) Then get very specific, not only about what you want to accomplish but about the time frame in which every step will be done. (Here, it’s helpful to make a step-by-step list of things to do, sort of like a recipe. For example, first, I need to research nonprofit business plans, next I need to contact an attorney who can help file my tax exempt status and on and on and on. Checking things off a to-do list can be very rewarding, especially when every check is like a virtual mile marker on the way to your final destination)

3) Identify the cues that will signal you’re on the right track. (Do you need to have a certain amount of money in the bank? A certain number of addresses on your email list? How will know you’re moving in the right direction? Attach a success metric to each step of your detailed plan.)

4) Write everything down! (This last one is the most important. I tell you this because I’m getting old and my memory isn’t like it used to be. It’s October, and I just now remembered that I made a beautiful powerpoint in January and titled it “Big Picture Goals 2019.” Guess what? I haven’t looked at it since about the middle of February, and only just now remembered that I saved it because I had a meeting with my accountability partner last week and she asked me a question about the life I really wanted—the one I keep saying is important to me. “I don’t know,” I stammered. “I need to go back and take a look at my Big Picture Goals and see if I’m on track to do what I said I was going to do.” As I looked back over those goals, I realized that I had said to myself over and over again, “I’ll do that tomorrow” or “I’ll research that next week” or “I need to ask so-and-so to help me with that, and I’m not sure how to do that yet.” After a while, I forgot about tomorrow as TODAY exercised its power over me.)

5) And finally, what is the story you want to tell? My first job felt like a disappointment, but that first job was only the first in a long string of derailments and delusions. I’m older and wiser, and now I know that none of it was a waste, but rather a proving ground for preparing me for the work I was meant to do. Your story belongs to you, and when you look at it—especially from the vantage point of time—you’ll see interesting patterns begin to emerge. Pay attention. They are clues to who you are and who you’re ultimately becoming.

This too shall pass.

Will you be ready for what’s next?

Want to take it to the next level?

WINSday on Wednesday--Make a Memory

Father Time waits for no man.

Or woman.

“I thought getting older would take longer,” I often moan.

But here we are, smack dab in the middle of middle age.

The sands of time must be made of quicksand.

And it is in that quicksand that we grownups find ourselves admitting to being “stuck,” “in a rut” or just plain “set in our ways.”

(Ouch.)

Did I just say that?

Because I don’t want to be a boring old person!

And neither do you.

Harnessing the power of the moments we have is the key to combatting the curmudgeon living inside all of us.

Today’s WINSday Wednesday inspiration comes from my friend Ginny Starr. She knows how to make even the most ordinary day feel like a celebration. If you ask Ginny how she does this, she’ll say she’s a curator of memories.

• I’ve watched her create special moments for the teachers at her kids’ school.

• I’ve watched her create special moments for the staff at our local church.

• And I’ve watched her create special moments for the people in her regular life—the friends and family who pass through her welcoming front door every single day.

I’m not talking about the “carefully curated” moments we see plastered across our Instagram feeds.

I’m talking about the kind of real-life intentionality that leads to real powerful visceral responses.

So what does it mean to be a curator of memories?

The word curate comes from the Latin cura, which translates “to care for.”

When Ginny says she want to be a curator of memories, what she’s really saying is “I want to care for you.”

In caring for people, we’re not just manufacturing special moments; we’re literally making them feel special.

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

— Maya Angelou

You know why I love going over to Ginny’s house?
It’s not because she makes delicious soup (although she does).
Or because she always has a pot of my favorite tea (although she does).

It’s because when I’m at Ginny’s house, she makes me feel like I’m the most important person in the world.

And I know it’s not just me.

Everyone who spends time with Ginny feels special, and that is because while they are with her, they are being cared for.

And being cared for with intentionality and purpose is transformative.

There’s real power in the moments we spend together.

Chip and Dan Heath wrote a book called The Power of Moments, and it’s an excellent guide for anyone seeking to create more value with the time they have.

In the book, they describe four types of moments (using the acronym EPIC):

• Moments that Elevate: Creating moments that rise above the everyday.
• Moments of Pride: Helping people feel proud of accomplishing milestones.
• Moments of Insight: Helping people understand an important truth.
• Moments of Connection: Forging transformational alliances among people.

Curators are noticers.

To create memorable moments means you’re going to have to start paying attention. No more “this is the way we’ve always done it kind of thinking.” Curators gather the best of what they have, then safeguard and share their art with the world. It is both tedious and magnificent, a gift to those who experience it.

An easy way to slow down time is to shake up the status quo, to do something a little different than you’ve done it before. That’s how memories (and friendships) are often formed.

I want to live a life punctuated by happy moments spent with dear people. When I think about the sands of time, I don’t want the picture in my head to be one of me falling through quicksand. I’d rather think about the me that lives among the sand on my favorite beach, windswept and frolicking in the waves. happy and free and smack dab in the middle of a MOMENT IN TIME.

This week, take a page from the Ginny Starr handbook and make a memory.

1) Invite a friend over. Use the good china!
2) Write a letter—on real stationery!
3) Have sundaes on Sunday—your kids will love you!

Who do you know that needs caring for this week?

Ready to take it to the next level?

WINSday on Wednesday--How Not to be an Imposter

“I’m going to be found out!”

“I don’t deserve this!”

“I just got lucky!”

“They must have made a mistake!”

And yet here you are and someone is saying you did a good job and you feel like that person must be talking about someone else because how could it be…YOU?

Oh, honey, it is!

You just have a bad case of Imposter Syndrome!

You feel inadequate. Like you don’t quite measure up. Like you should be farther along in life by now. Or like others are passing you by despite your best efforts to work hard and get ahead.

Sound familiar?

Success by the world’s standards often includes a healthy measure of money, power, and influence. We tend to think that only the richest, brightest, and most powerful CEOs have what it takes to be successful, but the truth is we have all been given a portion of money, power, and influence to manage.

The lucky ones will be recognized for the effort it takes to steward that responsibility well.

Over the last year, I’ve interviewed more than 50 women—women who lead organizations, nonprofits, and small businesses, women who have started movements, overcome incredible personal challenges, and sacrificed all of the above to care for their families at home.

They may not have as much money, power, or influence as they want, and they may have less than they had a decade ago. Who knows? Maybe one day they’ll have even more. I didn’t choose to interview them because I thought they were successful. I chose to interview each and every one because of a quality that’s much harder to identify, let alone quantify:

INTEGRITY.

My friend, Jen Soong, is the inspiration for today’s WINSday on Wednesday. She says, “I wanted to define success on my own terms…Success is doing work that’s meaningful and making meaningful connections, and building a life that I’m proud of everyday.”

We talked about her aspirational self. For Jen, there’s three important questions:

“Am I living a life of integrity?

Am I stoking my creativity?

Am I showing up in a honest way that allows myself and others to be seen?”

We all have inklings of self-doubt. The Imposter Syndrome rears its ugly head at the most inconvenient times.

It’s that feeling of inadequacy despite evidence of success. Comparison. Fear of failure. Pressure to achieve.

The truth is you don’t need to fear being exposed as a fraud as long as you are being true to yourself.

I wish I could tell you that I have this thing figured out. I don’t. Every time I’m in a board meeting or at a conference or sometimes even sitting in the bleachers with other moms while I watch my kid play football, I feel like an imposter. I hear that voice in my head telling me I’m not smart enough or interesting enough. In the bleachers, I spend precious minutes wondering what the other moms think of me than whether or not my kid will make that tackle. (Why are they all wearing jerseys with their kid’s number on the back?) I can only do what I can do. There will always be someone who does it better than me, but just because they do it better doesn’t mean they are better, and it also doesn’t mean that my contribution is any less significant.

Here’s What I’m Working On Right Now:

• Replacing imposter syndrome (which is laced with fear and comparison) with humility (which always chooses to believe the best about other people)

• Accepting compliments. A simple thank you will do. Compliments are a clue to the work you’re supposed to be doing in the world. A compliment is an affirmation.

• Being courageous in both my decisions and my actions. My friend Jen moved from Atlanta to Davis, CA, started an MFA program after age 40, and began work on a memoir about her life as a Chinese American. The transitions have been scary, but have reminded her that she is both capable and strong.

  Remembering that doubt is a requirement for faith. (My husband is a pastor, and he always says that to people who are wondering about God). I like it because platitudes like “believe in yourself” and “you can do anything you set your mind to” are hollow, and not entirely true, either. Doubt fuels discovery.

• Actively choosing not to be an imposter. An imposter is someone who pretends to be someone else. I promise not to rob the world of the best of me, and I don’t want you to, either.

Want more GOOD STUFF?

Integrity: the beautiful synergy between who you say you are and what you do.

To learn more about Jen Soong:

Watch our full interview here

Jen Soong in the Washington Post

Jen Soong in Gay Magazine

Slowing Down Time: The Easiest, Most Obvious Hack in the World

When it comes to getting things done, I know how to rock a to-do list. I can write things down and check them off like a boss! But when it comes to getting important things done, I have to admit that sometimes I struggle to just begin. Can you relate?

It’s the ‘ol tyranny of the urgent scenario that gets me every single time.

These last few weeks have felt like that.

The kids have been in school for about six weeks, which means the grace period for being unprepared is over. By now they should be in a good routine, and by default, so should I. Why, then, do I feel like I’m falling behind with every passing day?

That got me thinking: Is there a way to SLOW DOWN time?

Everyone knows there’s two kinds of time: Fast Time and Slow Time.

Let’s break it down:

First, the Fast Time. Think of something you dread. For example: Going to the dentist, giving a presentation in front of a large crowd, or the time between when you drop the kids off at school and they’re back on your doorstep asking “What’s for dinner?”

You could also think of something you enjoy greatly: Being at the beach, the best night of sleep you’ve ever had, or a foot massage. During all these times you find yourself saying, “Time—please slow down!”

In contrast, there’s Slow Time, and that’s for things like doing a one minute plank at the gym or when you’re waiting for brownies to cook or for an acceptance letter for your dream job to arrive.

Overall, though, as you get older, all time begins to act like fast time. Someone once explained it to me this way: “Time is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.”

We can’t change our lives by making more time, but we can change our perception of it.

When you’re doing something new or focusing on what you’re doing, you actually can slow down how your brain perceives time.

I don’t want my life to slip away, but I do need to get stuff done.

And chances are you do too because if you’re anything like me, when you’re feeling rushed, you tend to get less done rather than more. And the things you are getting done have the tendency to be the most pressing rather than the most important. I have found that when I’m feeling rushed, I substitute my normal “focus on what I’m doing” rituals with poor substitutes that lack any sort of conscious processing whatsoever.

Instead of eating breakfast, doing my daily devotion, and spending time on morning pages, I find I do a quick workout at home, snack all morning, and then scroll through social media at five minute intervals throughout the day because I didn’t plan a solid chunk of time for getting my real work done. With no space for creativity, I end up filling these dead minutes with distractions.

What if there were one ritual I could do that would set the tone for the whole day?
Is there something I’m missing that would summon the rest and peace I crave?

Hey, friend, let’s make a pact this week to SLOW DOWN time.

I’m getting up in time to do morning work (i.e. plan the day, eat breakfast, devotion, and journal)—even if I have to trick myself into thinking I’ll get fired if I don’t show up for my own life. Hey, I can always fire myself!

And I’m JUST SAYING NO to distractions. Are you with me? No more scroll. Don’t be fooled—you can get a lot done in five minutes (Read a few pages of a book you’ve downloaded, open the Bible app, pack the dishwasher, transfer a load of laundry to the dryer, make the bed, or write a quick “I’m thinking about you” text to a friend.”)

If I would have known that Intentionality was the secret sauce for slowing down time, I could have saved myself a lot of wasted minutes. And I know what you’re thinking, “That’s so obvious, Chantel. Of course intentionality is the key.” Yeah, yeah.

Easier said than done.

But not this week: I’m doing it!

Want to take it to the next level?

A Simple Exercise to Discover Your Purpose

By Guest Contributor, Kristi Porter, Founder and Chief Do-Gooder at Signify.

“I first met Kristi about three years ago. At the time, I was just beginning my own journey into entrepreneurship, and the learning curve was steep. I felt like I had no idea what I was doing! Someone sent me the link to Signify’s website and blog and there I found a guide who seemed to know exactly how I was feeling and exactly what I needed in order to lead my growing business with confidence. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, unequipped, or just plain stuck, then I encourage you to check out both the free resources and paid offerings at Signify. You won’t regret it!”

I

And now, here’s Kristi:

I’m sure this has never happened to you, but there are times in my life when I’ve felt aimless.
Directionless.
Purposeless.

 It’s not a good feeling. In fact, it’s a pretty discouraging feeling.

 Ever been there?

 At times like this, one of the best exercises I’ve found to get back on track is one I discovered in the Experiencing God workbook. Three times I’ve done this Bible study, and three times it’s changed my life.

I’ll give you the 50-cent tour of this exercise below, but what I think it does so well is give me perspective. Perspective brings clarity, both for where God has brought me, and potentially where He is leading me.

When we’re feeling sad, restless, or like we have no vision for the future, I think it’s often because we’re caught up in our own stuff. It’s like not being able to see the forest for the trees.

However, when we have perspective, we can rise out of our own circumstances to see the path we’ve been on and, possibly, the direction we’re headed—even if it’s only the next step.

Share Your Story to Gain Perspective

I’ll give you a small example from my own life to illustrate. I’m a solopreneur, so I have no co-workers. If you’ve ever tried to do something big on your own, you know there are lots of moments of doubt. I go through those pretty much daily! Plus, because I have no one working alongside me, there’s no one to constantly talk me down off the metaphorical ledge.

It’s at these times God has been so faithful. Without a doubt, He sends me someone new, and I get to tell my story. It could be in a new client meeting, someone I met at an event, or just a new friend. Regardless, they don’t where I’ve been, so I get to tell them.

In the process of sharing my story, I listen. And by the time I arrive at the present, I think to myself, “Wow!

That’s MY story! I got to live that, and now I get to serve the people and causes I care about. That’s amazing!”

Just like the exercise below, sharing our stories gives us perspective. It’s not about our busy calendars; it’s about the journey. And I think it’s that kind of outlook that truly gives us vision.

So, if you’re feeling restless, burned out, or looking for deeper insight in your life, give this exercise from the Experiencing God workbook a try. It can be an incredible opportunity for breakthrough, especially when trying to discern those things that bring meaning to your life, and maybe even your purpose.

Take an Objective Look at Your Past

The first step is to figure out where you’ve been. Getting perspective can be incredibly difficult in the day-to-day. There’s so much being thrown at us all the time to keep us busy and distracted. This could be a source of great unrest for a lot of us, because we feel like we’re just moving through life on autopilot. And autopilot is the opposite of what we’re after—purpose.

So, to move forward, we’ll start by looking backward.

Essentially, what you’ll need to do is list your “sign posts,” as the study calls them. These could be major milestones as well as meaningful moments. Think about the points in your life that stand out.

Oh, and before you begin to “put pen to paper,” also think about how you personally like to process information.

Me? I love bullet points, so I keep a list of these sign posts in Evernote. I’m a list maker at heart, and I don’t like keeping up with paper.

But if you’re a more artsy type of person, maybe you want to take a big piece of paper and create a map or draw your sign posts visually.

Find a way to help you get the information out of your head so that you can analyze it later.

 Okay, back to it! Here are a few prompts to get you started:

·      What are the major milestones that have occurred in your life? (ex: moves, college, marriage, kids, jobs)

·      What moments have been meaningful? (ex: pivotal conversations, experiences)

·      When/where/why have you grown spiritually? (ex: What did this look like?)

·      What other times stand out in your life?

Having done this study three times, I started with the big transitions and then began to fill in the gaps. Now, I add to it annually with anything I think adds a dot to my personal timeline.

The important thing here is write down anything that stands out to you, and that you consider to have shaped you in some way. 

Look for Common Threads

Whew—that’s a lot, right? Some good stuff and some not so good stuff? Me, too.

There are definitely days I’d rather forget about heartaches, bad bosses, and having chronic health issues, but those experiences shaped me, too.

So, after you’ve written what amounts to the abridged story of your life out of your head, move on to the evaluation. Basically, connect the dots of your life.

Look for common themes, threads, and occurrences.

What continues to pop up?
What trends do you see?
What makes you happy?
What makes you sad?
What do you want to see more of?

If you’re having trouble spotting themes, ask someone you trust to take a look. They might be able to spot them more quickly.

Next, add your own summary section so you have a dedicated place for your takeaways. You’ll want these to stand out for future reference.

Move Forward with More Clarity

Hopefully, you’re starting to see more clearly. You’re able to identify lessons, ideas, and values you couldn’t see as easily before.

Maybe it reinforced your thinking, or maybe it surprised you. Regardless, I hope and pray God has revealed Himself to you.

 Here are just a few of my own insights:

·      Justice has looked different to me over the years, but it’s always been important to me. I volunteered for years with social justice organizations, but I realized that I needed it to be a bigger part of my life. So, while I love working with all my clients, my favorites are definitely in the social impact space.

·      Writing has been a big part of my life since I was a kid. Even when I wasn’t doing it full-time, I had to start a blog to not only keep up with the practice of writing, but feed this source of creativity.

·      Traveling brings me both enjoyment and clarity. Over the last couple of years, I’ve made it a point to figure out ways to travel, even short distances every couple of months. It’s not just for fun, but to use as periods of reflection for my business.

·      It’s not uncommon for me to have major spiritual breakthroughs after moving to a new location. I think one of the reasons I’ve felt spiritually stagnant recently is because I’ve been in the same place for too long!

 And remember, new experiences can change your perspective. I think it’s a good idea to do this exercise each year to see what new insights appear and where God might be leading you next. Your purpose might indeed look the same throughout your life, or may shift from season to season or year-to-year.

What about you? What has been revealed to you through this process? With all of this newfound knowledge, what will you do next?

 Whether you found a new direction or purpose or not, you should see that there is order to the chaos we call life. You have been created and called, loved and led, gifted and given, restored and redeemed—over and over again. You have not been forgotten, you have been favored.

 Kristi Porter helps nonprofits and for-profits with a social mission get noticed and grow through effective marketing and communications. She also teaches solopreneurs and small businesses how to incorporate easy philanthropy strategies. Essentially, Kristi makes cause-focused organizations look and sound more professional so they can build a larger audience, increase sales or donations, and do more good. Connect with Kristi here.

Kristi Porter, Founder and Executive Director of Signify. Focus and Shine!

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If you missed our interview with Kristi Porter for Mission Driven Monday, you can catch up HERE.

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Ready to take it to the next level?

Your Job is not the Problem--You Just Didn't Know it Was Work

One of the best icebreaker questions I ever heard was, “Tell me about your first job.”

Our first job not only teaches us a lot about ourselves, but also prepares us for future work.

The very first job I ever had out of college was as a fitness consultant in a Ladies Only gym. Newly married with a degree in Biology, a passion for exercise, and aspirations of medical school, I thought I had found the perfect job.

Spoiler alert: that job had almost nothing to do with health and wellness and almost everything to do with high pressure sales techniques.

I haven’t had a real job in nearly twenty years. But my life has been filled with purposeful work.

In this post, I’ll show you how the way you work in every job is a clue to the real work you’re meant to do.

“Problem solving, and I don’t mean algebra, seems to be my life’s work. Maybe it’s everyone’s life’s work.”

— Beverly Cleary, Children's Book Author

Oh, I do believe it is everyone’s life’s work!

For the past five years I’ve been a part of an Atlanta nonprofit called Plywood People. They have a motto I’ve adopted as my own: “We will be known by the problems we solve.”

Being known.

Those two words by themselves can be really scary.

We want to be known and yet we want to remain anonymous.
We want people to understand us but we want to retain an element of mystery.

And over the past year, on Mission Driven Monday, I ask women this final question: “Can you tell me about your aspirational self?” That question is essentially, “What do you want to be known for?” The answers vary, but one thing remains consistent: all the women want to be a part of something bigger than themselves. When they talk about work, it’s in the context of the values they uphold.

We all want to do work that matters.

Even if you don’t believe in legacies you have one. And you get to choose what you want that legacy to be.

I interact with lots of women caught between the threshold of having babies and raising kids. It’s important work, but sometimes I hear the longing in their voices, the shy whispers that “one day” they’ll go back to work, that their education “won’t be wasted,” that this is “just a season” and that “real life” can begin again “when the kids are all grown up.”

What are you waiting for?

When I was a young mom, I couldn’t even imagine a day when I didn’t have to get up in the middle of the night or change a diaper. I felt like I would always have someone at home and that I would always be a servant to someone else’s needs. And yet here I am, with one child out of the nest for good, one with one foot already out the door, and two more squarely in the throes of middle and high school. I will blink, and they too, will be gone.

No one ever told me that I could find intellectual fulfillment in the expression of who I was apart from paid work. I had always thought that the job I got paid to do and the work I was meant to do had to be the same thing. It wasn’t until I became a mother and set aside my so-called career that I discovered on my own what it means to live life within the context of a larger story.

Young moms tend to think that all that time spent at home is like putting a sweater on hold at Anthropologie. You’ll pick up where you left off—when you’re ready. The sweater won’t wait for you, and neither will the job. You could spend the in-between contemplating whether or not you actually need the sweater or whether or not it makes sense to invest in something so seasonal and trendy. Maybe after you’ve walked around for awhile you’ll discover you don’t really want that sweater anymore.

The Tension

Our lives are not sweaters to place on a shelf. And a job isn’t just a job. For some, a job defines who we are, even though we know deep down that we are not what we do. “But if that’s true”, we wonder privately, “then why does everybody I meet keep asking me about work?”

How can we place “the job” on hold and still participate in work that’s fulfilling?

I remember someone telling me once that they never answer that question about jobs with a one word answer of their own. For example, when my friend is asked, “What do you do?” she says something like, “I inspire small children to aspire to a lifetime of curiosity.”

Ooohhh, tell me more about that.

Is my friend a teacher? A therapist? A children’s museum director?
Or is she just a mom?

A job is simply the expression of our work, so while jobs come and go, the expression of ourselves within that job is the real clue to the person we are meant to become. I wish I had known that when I was a 22-year old fitness consultant biding my time and waiting for my real break. I would have discovered that the part of my job that made me feel most alive was when I was learning something new or when I had a chance to hear transformation stories from clients one-on-one.

If you’re wondering about the work you’re meant to do, I recommend checking out The Good Life Project. Jonathan Fields developed an incredible tool called Sparketype that helps you identify the work you’re meant to do. Once you’ve taken the test, I’d love to know what you learn about yourself! Leave a comment, and let’s chat.

Bonus:

There’s a book called The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. It’s one of those books that comes up constantly in creative circles, but until now, I’d never read it. Let me tell you—YOU NEED TO READ THIS BOOK. I’m only three weeks into what feels like a 12 step program to unlocking creativity, and it’s the first time in a long time that I’ve felt freedom to explore the artist within. One of the activities in that book is to write down your Imaginary Lives, those dream jobs you would do IF ONLY you had the education, training, experience, and connections to make them a reality. Two of my imaginary lives include Professional Tap Dancer and TV Chef. I will never be either one of those things in real life, but I can live my best life now by either taking an adult tap class (which I did a few years ago with some of my best friends and we had the best time) and by pretending that I have my own show and hosting demonstrations in my own house with my own kids (Fun Fact: One time I did get to cook on the Food Network, and it’s all because I believed I could when I was at home). When we give ourselves permission to imagine, what we’re really doing is giving ourselves the space to practice and discover new ways of making our dreams come true.

So whether I’m at home with my kids in my kitchen or volunteering in my community, the expression of who I am is front and center.

1. Live your best life now. If you could be anything, what would you choose to do? How can you bring the best of that life into the life you have now? Is it a class you need to take, a party you need to host, a book you need to read, or an organization you need to to support?

2. Identify your “why.” Think about that very first job. For example: Why did you want to work in healthcare in the first place? What do you love about marketing? How can you use your passion for systems and organization in a fresh new way? I thought I wanted to be a doctor. When motherhood came calling and asked me to postpone medical school, I shelved that dream and decided to become a certified doula. It gave me the patient interaction I craved, allowed me to work alongside real doctors and nurses in a hospital setting, and provided valuable practice scenarios for things like honing my bedside manner and researching the challenges and tensions facing healthcare practitioners today. Becoming a doula was just one of many opportunities I was able to cling to when my kids were little. As they got older, I realized I was finding fulfillment in a wide range of creative pursuits. I no longer needed to become a doctor to feel like I was adding value to the world.

3. Your job is what you do. Your work is who you are. Learn the difference, and you’ll be able to find joy in both the mundane and the magnificent. Think about how you can describe the work you do in in a fresh new way.

Ready to take it to the next level?

Follow your mission, not the madness!

Mission Driven Monday--Chantal Sheehan

Meet Chantal Sheehan!

I’ve never met an accountant I didn’t like. There’s a special place in this world for people who choose to do math. And Chantal is a special kind of accountant. She doesn’t just calculate the value of numbers, she provides value to her clients by simply being helpful. I am grateful for the wisdom she’s shared with me, and I think you’ll fall in love too.

Self proclaimed numbers nerd Chantal Sheehan is the founder of Blue Fox Accounting. If you thought accounting was boring, then you haven't met Blue Fox. Chantal believes the key to a successful business is knowing where you've come from, where you are, and where you're headed. That's what we believe here at Mission Driven Woman, too! The past, present, and future shape the stories of our lives. Can meaning and purpose be QUANTIFIED? Watch and find out! And follow your mission, not the madness.

And if you are a nonprofit or a social entrepreneur, let me be the first to recommend Chantal Sheehan for all your accounting needs! (Yes, I know that was a shameless plug)

Important Links from this episode:

Blue Fox Accounting: Take a moment and check out their incredible website and helpful blog. You’ll find all your most pressing money questions answered here.

I just love their manifesto!

The Blue Fox Manifesto

This is what makes us tick and keeps us on track.

We believe in having fun every day.
We believe that life is short and work done well makes a workday worth living.
We believe in solving problems.
​We believe that there is no substitute for authenticity.
We believe in making the world a better place.
We believe that egos get in the way of progress, so we try to check ours at the door.
We believe in servant leadership above all other forms.

​We believe in giving back - always.

We believe that our clients deserve to be served with dignity, respect, and heart.
We believe that our clients are doing critical work effecting our planet and our communities.
We believe that the world is best served when our clients focus on change making and we focus on counting the change.
​We believe that our impact in the world can be magnified by our clients' success.
We believe in a service model of true partnership and collaboration.

We believe in outfoxing the competition.
We believe in intrapreneurship, innovation, and iteration.
We believe that a warm, kind human + the latest tech = an accounting superhero.

We believe that we can help create an accounting and finance industry that actually makes a difference.

Ready to take it to the next level?

Mission Driven Monday--Jennifer Robinson

Meet Jennifer Robinson!

She and her husband are the founders of My Audio Pet, which was born out of a need to create new work for their family after her husband was let go from his corporate job. Jennifer and KJ hit the ground running, hustling hard, and putting one foot in front of the other until some big companies took notice, including Oprah Magazine and Good Morning America. She’s a firm believer in the power of prayer and her unofficial motto is: “Keep going.” God’s grace lives in the midst of the mistakes.

“The Sovereign Lord has given me a well-instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being instructed.”

— Isaiah 50:4

Important Links from this episode:

My Audio Pet: the tiniest, cutest, most kick-butt blue tooth speaker on the planet. Makes a great gift! Use Code MISSIONDRIVENMONDAY for 20% off until 10/31/2019.

Living Beyond Yourself: Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit by Beth Moore

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