When Your Purpose is to Make Life Less Difficult for Someone Else

Today, January 5, 2021, marks the 78th anniversary of the death of George Washington Carver.

From his humble beginnings of a slave, he rose to become one of the preeminent scientists of his day, ultimately discovering more than 300 uses for the humble peanut, even producing a peanut-based replacement for rubber during World War II in addition to soap, face creams, axle grease, insecticides, glue, medicines, and charcoal. Hard to believe a peanut can do all that, but alas—here we are—talking about this incredible legacy nearly a century after these amazing discoveries.

Carver solved big problems in a world where even back then all the people were a little bit sick, a little bit angry, a little bit greedy, and of course a little bit selfish.

I think we can all agree that last year was hard.

It was politics, and race, and wildfires, and job loss.

Oh—and COVID.

But even if you didn’t get COVID yourself, you probably worried about getting COVID, knew someone who had COVID, or simply wished the world would go back to the days before anyone ever uttered the word COVID.

If you were old, you felt vulnerable.
If you were young, you felt cheated.
If you were middle aged—like me—you felt responsible.

Did you feel like the weight of the weary world rested upon your tired shoulders?

I know.
I felt like that, too.

Responsibility is a gift and a curse—depending on how you view it.

We’re responsible, but we’re also selfish. Selfishness explains so much of human behavior—from voting tendencies to population patterns. And it’s why we have opinions about everything—opinions we’re not afraid to share.

Who among us hasn’t fantasized at least once about being the one to solve all the world’s problems?

When it comes to making a real difference, I’m guilty of allowing negative self-talk talk me out of doing anything meaningful. “I’m just one person,” I tell myself. “I don’t have enough experience, education, money, influence, or contacts.”

Want me to continue? I’m really good at making excuses!

But George Washington Carver could have used all those excuses—and more. His early life was filled with adversity. Luckily, he had a little hand up from a foster family who believed in him, and then he used his prodigious brain to pay attention to what he saw and cultivate what he knew.

What do we live for if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?—George Eliot

But what if the work I’m meant to do is simply to make life less difficult for those around me?

Can you imagine the amazing world we would inhabit if everyone focused less on themselves and more on the people around them?

Believe it or not, a lot of us actually did that last year.

Did you know Facebook users raised more than $80M to combat climate change? People around the world supported small businesses and social awakenings, and Americans saw record voter turnout for the 2020 Presidential election.

That’s how the world came together. Scaled down even farther, this year my church hosted numerous blood drives and gave hundreds of thousands of dollars to community partners through our Be Rich program.

What about you? What did YOU do? What did I do?

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.—George Washington Carver

Wanting neither fame nor fortune, Carver patented just three of his ideas. Accomplishment was never his goal. Indeed, he was a man of service.

And maybe that should be our goal, too.

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”—Galatians 6:2

I hope you’re as excited about the new year as I am. Of course, I’m excited about every new year. But even if 2021 lets me down, I’m not going to let this year get me down. There’s too many people in the world that need lifting up!

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WINSday on Wednesday--Don't Ask "What If?" Do THIS Instead

Who wants to talk about New Year’s resolutions?

Anyone…

Anyone???

I know. It’s not even February, and we’re already sick and tired of talking about our goals.

Hey, I get it.

New year, new you. Whoop-de-doo!

It IS a new year. The new you is up to you.

In fact, one of my favorite questions to ask people—no matter what time of year it is—is
“What is your aspirational future?”

My twelve year-old daughter told me just last week that her resolution this year is to stay exactly the same.

“I’m sorry,” I told her. “You’re not allowed to do that.”

Now before you get your pants in a tizzy about me loving my daughter exactly the way she is, let me assure you, I do.
I think she is a wonderful human.
She’s thoughtful, creative, and hard-working.
And I’ve told her as much many times. She knows all this is true.

But she’s also FEARFUL. (And she knows this is true, as well.)

Remember when you were a kid and your teacher would ask a question in class? If you knew the answer, your hand would shoot up in the air. But if you didn’t know the answer or you were unsure or thought your friends were going to make fun of you, then you would look down at your desk or out the window—anywhere you wouldn’t accidentally make eye contact with the teacher.

Questions are scary, and when you operate from a place of fear, all of life feels like one big question:

WHAT IF?

What if it’s too hard?
What if I look stupid?
What if I get hurt?
What if I never figure out how to do it?
What if…what if…what if….

Questions are loaded with anxiety.

So let’s talk about statements instead, specifically what I like to call What I.F. statements.

What I Fear is…

You exercise control over the fear when you frame the fear through the lens of a statement.

Fred Rogers said, “If it’s mentionable, it’s manageable.”

Although the emotion of fear is real, the cause may not even be true. That’s why fear doesn’t have to rule your life.

If you can categorize your fear, you can conquer it.

Last year, I interviewed my friend, Jordan Foxworthy. She told me about how when she was a little girl she also lived from a place of fear. She was afraid of so many things! And then one day she just decided to say yes—yes to an overseas missions trip with her dad. Getting on the plane and traveling to a faraway country with customs and language different from her own, she said “YES” and the experience changed the trajectory of her entire life! (You can watch our full interview here.)

Change is scary. Sometimes, I think we actually become more fearful as we get older. Maybe it’s because we can imagine all the ways in which something can go wrong. We know too much. Knowledge isn’t always power.

Sometimes, knowledge is paralyzing.

Jordan, who is now in her late 20s, says she often has to remind herself how far she’s come. Saying “yes” opened her up to the possibility of new experiences.

“My life is more interesting, eclectic, and diverse than my high school aged brain ever imagined it would be.”

Nobody wants to be scaredy-cat., so my daughter and I decided to make a list of a bunch of new things to try this year. She’s learning how to ride a skateboard. This is a big step. After crashing into a mailbox on a bike, I didn’t know if she’d ever trust herself on a set of wheels again. But a bike is not a skateboard. And crashing into a mailbox one time doesn’t mean we’ll crash into a mailbox the next time. Next time, she’ll remember to use her brakes. Problem solved!

We don’t get braver by doing nothing.

What are you scared of?

• Talking to that client?

• Making that career move?

• Ending that relationship?

• Starting a new exercise routine?

• Going back to school?

Name the fear. Surrender to what’s in front of you, and the next step will reveal itself. Resistance is what keeps you where you are.

If your goal this year is to stay exactly the same, then by all means, do nothing. Keep asking those “what if” questions. But if you want the interesting, eclectic, diverse life you’ve always dreamed of, then it’s time to open yourself up to the possibility of saying YES without fear.

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WINSday on Wednesday--Recovering a Sense of Strength (And not Being Afraid to Ask "What's Next?")

Heart pounding.
Racing.
Shaking.
Can’t sleep.

Have you ever felt so anxious you just didn’t think you could face another day?

At college last year, that’s how our daughter felt. I am her mom, and there was nothing I could do to make the pain stop. Some boo boos need more than a band-aid and a kiss. I didn’t know if she’d ever come back from that dark place. Where was the brave little girl I raised? The one who was unafraid, who was a runner, and who loved art? In her place lived a paralyzed, scared, and lonely shadow of the girl I knew. When would my daughter return?

Isn’t it funny what we tell kids about college?

We tell them it will be the best years of their lives, that they will make the best friends they’ve ever had, and that they will enjoy freedom unlike anything they have ever known. And then we pack them up, set up their dorm room, and say good-bye. Our promises float away like little thought balloons. It takes nearly 200 hours of time spent together to make a new friend, and new experiences, even good ones, are an adjustment. Learning to live on our own, forge new study habits, and navigate the complicated relationships inherent in dorm life are no picnic.

No one tells us about these things.

And Christiana wanted to come home.

Truth be told, I didn’t want her to come home. I wanted her to tough it out and figure it out. But she couldn’t. She was paralyzed and traumatized and so coming home was inevitable. Thankfully, she stayed enrolled and this fall she moved into a new apartment with new roommates at a new school. I think she’s spent the night at our house maybe twice this entire first semester. Last year, she was driving from home to school (nearly two hours away) several times a week and sometimes having a panic attack before she even arrived.

Since then, a tremendous amount of growth has happened. In the fullness of time. When she (not me) was ready. (This did not happen overnight, and it did not happen without a lot of intervention, prayer, and help from a wide array of sources.)

Today’s WINSday on Wednesday is inspired by her journey and the path she’s taken to becoming the woman she is. Twenty years old, and I couldn’t be more proud of her. Rather than allow her past disappointment become a barrier to future success, she has instead decided to ask, “What’s next?”

These are her words from her heart for 2020.

2020 Goals

I woke up in the middle of the night with these four words on my heart:

1. Renew.

2. Peace.

3. Courage.

4. Significance.

All week I had been praying for God to give me a word for this New Year—something to work on or just a word that could be my focus for 2020. He wasn’t telling me anything. But then out of nowhere, these four words were my answer.

I have just come out of the hardest season of my life. Renew is a good word considering there is a lot that has been instilled in me that needs to be renewed. In the past year I struggled with so much anxiety. I am just coming out of this hard season, and I still harbor more fear than I’ve ever had in my life. I need to renew the peace and courage I used to have. I don’t want to live a life of fear. Fear is not from God.

I also want this next year to be peaceful. I am ready to renew that peace. I’ve been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. Everything stirs up fear. Things that used to be so easy for me, like traveling to a new place, have become hard. Right now, I would rather stay at home where everything is familiar than embark on something new. If you asked me right in this moment to go love on people in Kenya (a place I love), believe it or not, I might actually say no. Traveling around the world has been something I have loved my whole life. Kenya is by far my favorite country. Two years ago, I would have told you I was never coming home from there.

I am saying right now that I am committed to no longer living in fear. I am starting the journey right now to renew the peace and courage that once was thriving in my heart. I know my God can do that. He raised Jesus from the dead. That same spirit that turned death to life is alive in me right now. Imagine what all He can do in me!

The word significance is going to be my word for the decade. In this next ten years, I want to graduate college, get married, start a family, and who knows what else. I want to make sure that I am living a life of significance. Yes, I want to be successful too, but who cares in the end if I made a lot of money and did a lot of stuff for things that don’t matter. I want to change the world. I want to make a difference and the only way to truly do that is by living a life of significance. Day by day, I am committed to renewing my heart, to ridding it of fear and asking courage and peace to take its place.

Here’s to 2020!

If you missed our interview on Mission Driven Monday last year, you can catch up here.

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