The Key to Success in Business and Life...WOMEN?

This stat blew my mind:

Collective intelligence increases in proportion to the number of women on a team.

Note what does NOT increase Collective intelligence:

• IQ

• Group Satisfaction

• Group Cohesion

  Group Motivation

Surpised? Me too!

But I’m not surprised that women make teams better.

I’ve always thought that diverse perspectives and life experiences add value to any group gathering. Gender, race, education, religion, and geography add richness to even the smallest gatherings. But collective intelligence—that’s a new one!

Women make teams work smarter.

I find this fascinating because even though we live in a day and age when women truly can do anything, it hasn’t always been that way.

For many years, women were barred from many professions. The first professionally trained woman doctor didn’t start practicing medicine until 1849. That might seem like a long time ago, but considering the fact that women didn’t start entering medical school in larger numbers until the 1970s, progress has been slow at best. In some states, women were forbidden to own businesses or property. It wasn’t until the Civil Rights Act was passed in 1964 that employers were expressly forbidden from discriminating based on sex (in addition to religion, race, color, and national origin.) And believe it or not, a woman couldn’t even get a credit card without a male co-signer until the mid 1970s.

Fun Fact:

President Franklin D. Roosevelt may have been ahead of his time when he appointed Frances Perkins as the Secretary of Labor. In 1933, she became the first woman to hold a Cabinet position in a U.S. president's administration. (Currently, women make up more than half of President Biden’s cabinet.)

The researcher in the Harvard study points out that this increase in collective intelligence may be because women score higher on tests of social sensitivity than men do. “What do you hear about great groups?” Anita Woolley asks. “Not that the members are all really smart but that they listen to each other. They share criticism constructively. They have open minds. They’re not autocratic. And in our study we saw pretty clearly that groups that had smart people dominating the conversation were not very intelligent groups.”

These findings correlate with Duhigg’s research in his book, Supercommunicators. Though he doesn’t specifically delineate between men and women, he does note that “supercommunicators,” the people who have the best ability to bring about connectivity within groups, are the people who listen closely to what’s said and unsaid, ask the right questions, match the mood of the room, and make their own feelings easy to perceive. I don’t know about you, but I find that many of the women I know often complain that their husbands are emotionally unavailable or uninterested in what their wives are thinking and feeling. (Honey, if you’re reading this, I’m not talking about you!)

Of course, we all want to believe that we are modern thinkers, that we value diversity in every setting, but the reality is that what we believe and how we act don’t always align.

Fourteen percent of the most influential companies in the world don’t have a single female board member. One surprising finding was in the area of fashion. Women, who spend nearly twice the annual amount on clothing every year than men, are notoriously underrepresented across the world in this industry. Just one third of apparel companies assessed publicly commit to promoting gender equality and women’s empowerment. Of these, just 16% set specific targets. One of my daughter’s favorite stores, Brandy Melville, is notoriously misogynistic. For years, I thought Ms. Melville was the brains behind the brand, but in reality, the founder is a man named Silvio Marsan and his son, Stefan, and Brandy Melville herself is actually the fictional tale of two people – Brandy, an American girl, and Melville, an English guy who met in Rome and fell in love and inspired the brand’s name and logo.

Some careers are equally filled by both men and women (marketing, human resources, and education). In recent years, some traditionally male-dominated industries are including more females.. Parity in both work and pay is on the rise! We shouldn’t be surprised, then, that equality is finally happening in industries like law enforcement, accounting and finance, culinary arts, and science. What IS surprising is that it took so long! Think about it—in two parent households, women generally make most of the purchase decisions for the family. They assume the role of disciplinarian, manage the cooking, and experiment daily, whether it’s helping with the 8th grade science project or trying to figure out how to grow a lemon tree in a climate not conducive to lemon trees.

It makes perfect sense that they would enter the workforce and want to be paid for these roles.

What can we learn?

I think it’s fair to say that any gathering that’s ALL MALE or ALL FEMALE will not be as strong as it could be.

The key to making smart decisions in any setting is to keep an open mind and allow all voices to be heard. Think about how you can incorporate this principle of equality in your families, book clubs, small groups, and business meetings. I also think it’s important for women to realize that there is NO reason to be intimidated in a room full of men. Because YOU are there, that room is smarter than they would be without you there. Wherever you go, your presence makes the place better.

The takeaway: To any male who happens to be reading this post:

If you want to be successful, make sure you have some women on your team.

Hey, the research proves it!

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The Secret Sauce to the Dr. Seuss Success Story

A lot of people know the story of Dr. Seuss and The Cat and the Hat—about how his publisher challenged the author to write a book using just 250 words. Challenge accepted, challenge won! Three years another bet inspired the iconic Green Eggs and Ham, a nifty little book that boasts just fifty different words.

BUT, have you ever wondered how the ordinary Theodore Geisel became the famous Dr. Seuss?

Having grown up collecting Dr. Seuss’s many famous titles (he’s sold nearly 700 million copies), it’s hard to believe that publishers initially spurned Geisel. His first children’s book, And to Think I Saw it on Mulberry Street, was rejected almost thirty times. It’s a miracle he didn’t just give up and never write anything ever again.

I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but if you’re facing rejection—of any kind—keep in mind that Dr. Seuss, arguably the most famous children’s author of all time, heard the word “no” 27 times!

(For reference, J.K. Rowling’s first Harry Potter book was rejected just twelve times. But I’ll save the rejection commentary for a post on another day.)

So…

What happened? Who would take a chance on a guy that had already been rejected by nearly every publisher in town?

Funny story, actually.

One day, Geisel was walking through New York City, manuscript in hand, dejected and forlorn. He was thinking about how when he got home he was going to burn the manuscript to that book. (After all, it was obviously a dead end. Nobody wanted it, so it must be garbage, right?).

Wrong!

Istead, something magical happened.

Geisel bumped into Mike McClintock, an old friend from his college days at Dartmouth:

McClintock said, "What's that under your arm?"

I said, "A book that no one will publish. I'm lugging it home to burn."

Then I asked Mike, "What are you doing?"

He said, "This morning I was appointed juvenile editor of Vanguard Press, and we happen to be standing in front of my office; would you like to come inside?"

So, we went inside, and he looked at the book and took me to the president of Vanguard Press. Twenty minutes later we were signing contracts.

That's one of the reasons I believe in luck. If I'd been going down the other side of Madison Avenue, I would be in the dry-cleaning business today!

Mulberry Street was published in 1937.

And the rest is history.

Actually…

Geisel took a detour from children’s book writing in the 1940s. With the advent of WWII, like so many comrades, he began writing and drawing editorial cartoons for PM Magazine, then accepted an assignment with the U.S. Army’s documentary division, ultimately winning a couple of Academy Awards for projects he spearheaded during that time.

It wasn’t until 1947 that Geisel returned to children’s books, and he didn’t publish the famous Cat in the Hat until ten years after that.

So, what can we learn from the Dr. Seuss success story?

It’s hard to imagine a world without Dr. Seuss.
But perhaps Dr. Seuss couldn’t imagine a world without Mike McClintock!

The story is a reminder to me that it’s impossible to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps (Read more about that here!).

In the late 1950s, things had shifted, with Geisel’s old friend, McClintock, working on a children’s book of his own. Now, it was Geisel’s turn to encourage his friend. In a letter to McClintock, Geisel wrote, “You’ve hit something there that has more terrific chances of becoming a classic than anything I’ve seen in a hell of a long time. The basic concept of fear, and running away from things, has something to say. The reader grasps it instantaneously, and then it builds, builds builds.”

(You can read A Fly Went By by Mike McClintock here.)

As I re-read Geisel’s words to his friend now, I feel a bit emotional. When someone we admire validates something we hold dear, their words carry immeasurable weight. Those words can literally be the impetus to keep us going when the going gets tough.

A Hand Up

Stories like this are the reason why quotes like “Your network is your net worth” are so popular. It’s also a reminder to me that it’s rare for something wonderful to be created in a vacuum.

Because I am a homemaker and my kids are mostly grown, my opportunities to “put myself out there” aren’t as prolific as I’d like them to be. I have to make a concerted effort. And I’ll be honest, that’s getting harder and harder. It’s easy to stay home and just “do my thing.”

I have to remind myself that nearly every interesting opportunity I’ve ever had has been the result of a connection made on my behalf.

C’mon, people, let’s be more bold about sharing our dreams!

What if Theodore Geisel, embarrassed that he had been rejected so many times, had passed his friend on the street and decided not to tell him what had happened? What if he had tried to spin a tale to make himself sound more successful than he actually was? What if the two had just shared a cursory fist-bump and walked on?

These are Dartmouth guys, after all. It’s hard to imagine two ivy league men sharing a moment of vulnerability on a busy New York street corner.

In telling the truth, Geisel received a priceless gift.

Some Christians might call it a “God thing.”
Bystanders would probably chalk the whole exchange up to coincidence.
Geisel, himself, said he was just plain “lucky.”

But the reality is that people like to feel helpful.

McClintock’s position in 1937 gave him a unique vantage. Years later, the tide had shifted, and now Geisel was the man with all the influence. Geisel could make things happen for McClintock. And he did, ultimately editing A Fly Went By and inviting McClintock to write for his Beginner Books series for children.

“The need to be needed is one of our fundamental desires. We want to feel significant in the eyes of others, even if it is only one other person. We want to feel like we play an important role, whether in an organization, family, or life of another. The need to be needed is rooted in our need for a sense of contribution to something beyond ourselves.”

— Steve Rose, PhD,

The Need to be Needed

The Need to be Needed theory makes it sound like helping out a friend is a selfish thing. I don’t think so, though. I think that’s the beauty of helping someone else get what they want. In doing so, we get the very thing our own soul craves: validation.

In this season, I find more time available to me—time I can use to help others get what they want.

When mission and purpose intersect with position and influence, you get to experience the joy of generosity.

Maybe right now you wish you had a hand-up for a dream you’re carrying. Don’t burn it down just yet. In the meantime, maybe you can be the bridge for someone else’s dream.

To be fair, sometimes that’s more fulfilling anyway.

Anything I can do to help you? Let me know by replying to this email.

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Your Values Determine Your Value

Please note that all blog posts can be found at www.chanteladams.com. There, you will find formatting more conducive to reading, and you can search for posts by topic.

“Try not to become a man of success, but rather a man of value.”

— Albert Einstein

I don’t remember when I first heard this quote, but the words have stuck with me.

Success just feels so…subjective.
As it should be.
After all, everyone has a different definition of what it means to be successful. I’ve written about success many times over the years.
(You can read more, here, here, here, here, and here.)

We all want to be successful, and we definitely don’t want to admit it when we’re not.

But I think I love this Einstein quote so much because it just makes sense:

To believe that a man who provides value is more important than a man who believes he is successful: I can get on board with that kind of thinking.

In the marketplace, people pay good money for value.
Valuable things cost more.
Because they’re worth more.

And the more I thought about the quote, I too, wanted to become a person of value. “Value” is a word that’s rich with meaning: It conveys utility, importance, and high regard.

Values, on the other hand, are the individual beliefs that act as a guide for human behavior; the principles that help you decide what’s right and wrong and how to behave in certain situations.

When Gavin and I purchased the coffee shop last year, one of the first things we knew we needed to do was decide who we were going to be.

I know what you’re thinking. Duh! You’re a coffee shop! There’s one on every corner.
You. Sell. Coffee.

And you’re right. We did sell coffee. But the coffee was only a by-product of what we were really selling—the experience of drinking coffee in an environment that reflected our values. The problem was that when we got to Copper Coin nobody knew what those values were. They had never been discussed. They had never been shared. We had to create them so our team could begin internalizing them and our guests could begin experiencing them.

In business, the motto du jour is “Profit First.”
There’s even a book by the same title.

Profit, this book (and others like it) will tell you, is the difference between revenue and expenses. It’s what separates the unsuccessful business from the successful one.

Simple enough on paper but hard to do in real life.

Unfortunately, I’ve never been great at the whole for-profit thing. My entire life experience up until now has been firmly rooted in the realm of nonprofit work. “Stop trying to give everything away!” Gavin would often have to remind me in the early days of owning the coffee shop.

People will pay good money for what they value.

Again, the reminder:

“Try not to become a man of success but rather a man of value.”

— Albert Einstein

Our five values were:

1. Hospitality

2. Belonging

3. Generosity

4. Artisan Craftsmanship

5. Joy

It was only when we closed that I was sure we had succeeded in living out these values, as story after story was shared with me about the ways in which Copper Coin had been impactful to the people who experienced it on a daily basis. Sure, people missed the coffee, but they missed the experience of being in their favorite place with their favorite people even more.

Those five values mean a lot to me personally.

They reflect the person I aspire to be. But I don’t want them only to be aspirational; no, these values need to be guiding principles. No matter what the future holds in terms of work, I want people to look at my life and see my values reflected there.

No doubt the future will be filled with more opportunities to create, build, and lead. You have choices, too. Do your values act as guideposts for the decisions you have to make about future work and life?

“If the decisions you make about where you invest your blood, sweat, and tears are not consistent with the person you aspire to be, you’ll never become that person.”

— Clayton M. Christensen

Do you agree?

I would love for you to share your personal values with me. How are they reflected at home and at work? Simply hit “reply” or type your answer in the comments below.

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What Does It Mean if Your Lucky Bamboo Dies?

Help! The lucky bamboo is dead!

My dad has been growing bamboo in our backyard for as long as I can remember. It’s the kind of plant—ahem—grass —that most other people shun. They cut it down and complain to the homeowner’s association of its encroaching roots. Vile weed! Luckily for my dad, he lives in a neighborhood that doesn’t have an association.

Properties of bamboo:

• Bamboo is the fastest growing land-plant in the world. The only thing that grows quicker is giant sea kelp.

• Clumping bamboo purifies the air up to 30% more effectively than any other plant. Walking through a bamboo forest, high on all that extra oxygen, can help relieve tension and headaches and make you feel happier.

• Thomas Edison used a carbonized bamboo filament in his very first successful light bulb.

• Bamboo is not flammable, but does make a loud popping sound in a fire due to the air pockets that exist between nodes. The very first fire crackers made in China were created out of bamboo.

• Snakes don't like bamboo. Snakes like to curl up in warm, silent places. Bamboo mulch is both too loud and too cold (due to the air purification). Furthermore, the stems are too slippery to climb.

With all these good-for-you properties, why would anyone NOT want a few stalks of lucky bamboo?

Turns out lucky bamboo isn’t bamboo at all. All those properties I just told you about? Forget about them. They don’t apply to lucky bamboo. I feel like I’ve been duped. Lucky bamboo is actually part of the plant species called dracaena sanderiana, native to Africa, not China. It’s popular because of its ability to grow in low light. Textbooks also describe dracaena as “tenacious” and “difficult to destroy.” And there you have it— the magic properties that somehow linked real bamboo with the lucky kind.

The other day, we were cleaning out the coffee shop, getting the last of everything out so it would be ready for our final walk-through with the landlord. On the counter where the coffee grinders and espresso machines used to sit was a bottle that houses our single stalk of lucky bamboo. I noticed two weeks ago that the top was beginning to turn yellow, and then yesterday, as we cleared out the last remnants of what was left of Copper Coin, I discovered the bamboo was brown all the way down.

It died.

And I’m not superstitious, but I am a little bit stitious.

Isn’t it weird that our one tangible symbol of wealth and prosperity died just as our real-life dream keeled over too?

This single stalk lucky bamboo, which had been thriving on our barista counter for more than a year (some employees testified it had been there for several years), is now totally defunct. No one knows how we came by our lucky bamboo. Maybe another local business gave it to us? After all, lucky bamboo is a popular corporate gift because it brings with it the promise to keep the business flourishing. It is a symbol of power, strength, truth, commitment, and prosperity.

These days, I notice people looking at me with pity in their eyes. I can tell they want to ask me about the coffee shop, but don’t. I know what they’re thinking, though. “Poor thing. She just couldn’t hack it in the business world.” It’s truly as if someone has died. I think they’re afraid that if they bring up “the closing” I’ll start crying, but they’re dying to know. “What really happened?” they whisper to their friends. I think they’re hoping to avoid whatever horrible plague befell us. They want to make sure it’s not contagious.

Trust me—you can ask me about the coffee shop.

Gavin and I ended it on our terms. It was our choice. I promise I won’t cry. We tried something that we thought would be both profitable and fun, and as it turns out—it wasn’t that profitable, and it wasn’t that fun.

But I’m still glad we did it.

Right now, we’re watching a series on Netflix called The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, a show about a woman named Kimmy who spent fifteen years in a bunker as the kidnapped hostage of a crazed cult leader. She’s now living her best life with her gay roommate, Titus, in a sketchy area of New York City.

This conversation between Kimmy and Titus in Season 4 really got to me:

“TITUS: Hey, do you ever wonder how your life might’ve been different if you’d never gotten in that van? I mean, just one little moment, —if you—

KIMMY: No. There’s no point. I’ve been through a lot of terrible stuff that I wish had never happened. But I still have to believe that this is where I’m meant to be, because if i didn’t... ...I’d go crazy.

”

— The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I have to believe that this is where I’m meant to be, too. In fact, it is exactly where I’m meant to be.

One stalk of lucky bamboo signifies simplicity and a meaningful life. That’s what Copper Coin showed me. My year-long coffeehouse experience showed me that what I really want, deep down, is simplicity and a meaningful life.

I read recently that people tend to define success primarily through the meaning and purpose they derive from their lives. Purpose is forward-thinking and is closely linked to goal-setting, whereas meaning is how you view your past. The dead bamboo represents my past, a past I view with enormous gratitude.

On the last day at Copper Coin, at 3:00 PM, just as we locked the doors for the very last time, the song Closing Time by Semisonic played over our speaker system. This line rings true even now: “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.”

And so it goes.

And so here we are…a new beginning.

P.S. I didn’t bring the lucky bamboo home. That’s some bad ju-ju right there. :)

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What if Success is About What You Have to Leave Behind?

The Words We Use

If you’ve ever studied another language, you know that words that are familiar to us in our own language, often mean something different in the language we’re learning.

In Spanish, for example, the word PIE does not mean delicious Thanksgiving dessert. It means FOOT.

SOPA, though it sounds like our word for SOAP, actually means SOUP.

And EMBARAZADO, contrary to popular opinion, doesn’t mean EMBARRASSED, but PREGNANT.

You can see how you could easily get into trouble misrepresenting any of these words in normal conversation. Things could get awkward fast.

Like, “ Mmmm…No puedo esperar poner un tenedor in ese PIE hermoso.”
Translation: “Mmmm…I can’t wait to put a fork in that beautiful FOOT.”

Or

“Esta SOPA es tan deliciosa. Voy a comerla todos los dias.”
Translation: “This SOAP is so delicious: I’m going to eat it everyday.”

Or

Ella esta EMBARAZADA porque se cayo de la cama anoche.
Translation: She is PREGNANT because she fell off the bed last night.

Is that how that works? I had no idea!

But there are some words, that even though they don’t mean what you think they SHOULD mean, nevertheless, have interesting hidden meanings.

In Spanish, the word for SUCCESS is EXITO. Sounds a lot like our English word for EXIT, doesn’t it? And I don’t think that’s a coincidence. There’s something beautiful about walking out from some dark space and through that wide door with the glowing EXIT sign suspended over it and into the wide, bright world of something better.

SUCCESS

Success means something different to different people. There is no one definition. Asking “What does success mean to you?” is like asking someone what “family” means or even something as mundane as “vacation.” Our definitions are different because our values are different.

I love the imagery of thinking about success in terms of what you want to leave behind. Closing that metaphorical door can be a thought-provoking, visual example of what it means to move forward after loss, oppression, or a simple change in circumstances.

What we carry with us might be heavy. There’s a strong chance that burden won’t fit through the door anyway. We need to shed it before we can move toward our ultimate calling.

Don’t cross the threshold until you’ve dropped the mantle of self-doubt, comparison, and envy. No matter your definition of success, these three things can have no part in it. I know I’m preaching to the choir—I’m actually preaching to myself—because self-doubt, comparison, and envy follow me everywhere I go.

Today’s the day that I tell them I’m leaving them behind for good!

You probably have conflicting emotions over what you’re leaving behind, too. Welcome those feelings for what they are: a visceral response or reaction to a moment in time. Time moves. And so do you. You won’t always feel the way you do right now.

Leave behind the scarcity mindset that threatens to jeopardize what you want most. As Aaron Burr so famously said at the end of Hamilton the musical, “the world was wide enough for both Hamilton and me.”

And you.

Yes, the world is big enough for all of us, and your success does not threaten mine—and vice versa.

The last thing to leave behind is ungratefulness. I say this only because even painful experiences have value. To discount those experiences is an insult to everyone who has ever overcome a difficult situation and used it to do something great. In fact, many (dare I say most?) of the people we venerate as successful have overcome unimaginable hardship to achieve their goals.

What’s Next

If you’ve been following this blog for the last year, then you know that in October 2021, my husband and I purchased a coffee shop in town. This summer, we made the difficult decision to close it. Our last day was September 3rd. We live in a society that often elevates the entrepreneur who keeps going despite evidence to the contrary. For us, the decision was difficult and fraught with emotion, made easier only because we knew we would be able to sell both the business and the assets. That dream died three hours before our scheduled closing last week. I have so many questions, not the least of which is “Why?” and “What is the purpose of this?” We closed the business because it demanded something from our family we weren’t willing to give. And whether or not anyone else understands that doesn’t really matter. We have peace about what we left behind. I can’t say I haven’t struggled over the last month with the meaning of both success and failure. Ultimately, however, I came to the conclusion that when I get to the end of my life and plot the important points along the timeline of my journey, this experience will be just that—a dot on the page—something we tried and did and learned from and ultimately left behind.

For what?

That remains to be seen. To say I’m a bit emotional is an understatement.

Fun Fact: The Spanish word for emotional is not EMOCIONADA. That word actually means EXCITED.

And it IS exciting to start something new. Yo estoy emocionada! (I am excited!)

Do you agree? If so, let’s take a journey toward “better” together.

You've got Goals? Me too!

I love learning new things.

Tonight, during dinner, I told my husband and daughter about one of my favorite books from elementary school. I don’t remember the exact name but it was something like Why is the Sky Blue and Other Things You Wish You Knew. You can find lots of books like it on Amazon today. (I just checked!)

So sometimes people assume that I spend a lot of time at home with my head buried in a book. In reality, I don’t spend nearly as much time with books as I would like. My days are probably a lot like yours. I unload the dishwasher, fold laundry, pay bills, and cook meals.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t make learning new things a seamless part of my day.

My sister in law, Stacee, told me that this summer she is asking her boys, ages 10 and 8, to create a summer goal list. Their lists include both a physical and a learning goal. Badge wants to run a 20 minute 5K and eight -year old Rowe wants to learn how to sew a dinosaur stuffed animal.

I think Stacee is onto something. Even adults need #summergoals.

To be sure, personal goals might be harder to come by these days as all of us are playing catch up after a year of stay-at-home orders. I’m fully vaccinated and so excited to be out and about that it’s hard to imagine sitting still at home long enough to complete a project—even a worthy one.

Sometimes the hard thing is the best thing.

The pandemic changed so many aspects of daily life. As we settle back into the rhythms and routines of our own choosing perhaps we can also make room for some achievable goals. This summer, I’m working on becoming fluent in Spanish. I downloaded the free Duolingo app, and I’m on a 60 day practice streak. I’ve also been consistent with my daily workouts, and during a normal spin class I often ride 20 miles. This summer I really want to work up to 50.

These goals are attainable because they’re based on habits I’m already practicing. Your goals don’t have to be ambitious to be worthy. What are you already doing that could be better? If you love to cook, maybe you work on perfecting a particularly difficult recipe, like croissants or a multi-layer cake. If you love paper, learn calligraphy. Maybe you used to play an instrument, but haven’t touched it in years. You may be rusty at first, but commit to learning a new song over the next few weeks.

As the world continues to change, specialized skills will be in demand. Even without an advanced degree, you can add value to your family, school, and community.

I’d love to know what you’re working on this summer! Send me a note, and let’s chat!

Can a Toy Teach a Kid How to be a Successful Adult?

In 1999, business partners Jennifer Fine and Jennifer Hamlin collaborated to create a line of dolls designed to take the world by storm. These career-forward icons of the doll world would topple Barbie on her pretty little head by re-imagining how girls play.

Girl power!
Achievement!
You can be anything!

Unless you’re Ashley the Attorney or Emily the Entrepreneur. These “smart friends for smart girls” captured the public’s attention for one brief moment at the turn of the century.

Game over.

Like 90% of new businesses, the company folded in 2001, a real tragedy considering the dolls were even featured as one of Oprah’s Favorite Things of 1999.

Ouch.

Being an entrepreneur is hard.

I should know.

A few years ago, I also launched a doll company with the goal of reimagining how kids play. Built on a foundation of generosity and friendship, our dolls honored kids with cancer and helped kids who care learn how to be better friends.

What we discovered, however, is that kids don’t need adults to tell them how to play with their toys.

They’re really awesome at doing that all by themselves!

Every mammalian kiddo across the planet engages in some form of play. Play helps animals discover their abilities and learn their limits, two skills crucial for both survival and success.

At a seminar I attended way back in 2001, parenting coach and author John Rosemond said, “Kids only need like three or four toys: a ball, some blocks, a few crayons, and a stack of books.”

Just three or four toys?

I couldn’t believe it!

And yet…

Think about all the the things you can do with just the toys I mentioned:

Let’s take the ball, for example:

Bounce it.
Throw it.
Catch it.
Carry it.
Roll it.
Pass it.
Pop it.

A ball can be used to play a game of kickball, baseball, tetherball, or 4-square.

And what little girl hasn’t stuffed a ball under her shirt, and shouted, “Look! I’m pregnant!” Who hasn’t used a giant ball as a makeshift seat or a tiny one as ammunition aimed at a younger sibling’s head?

Sure, Taylor the Teacher, Destiny the Doctor, and Jessica the Journalist arrived with some really cool accessories: miniature chalk, stethoscopes, and press passes, just to name a few. But while those things were cool (and teeny weeny), did they really inspire kids to be attorneys, doctors, and journalists?

I would venture that using math to perfect the ratio of dirt and water for a proper mud pie would be better preparation for a career in education. Following a stray ball into the woods and ending up with an angry case of poison ivy might ignite a passion for medicine. And staying up late into the night pouring out our feelings into a journal could be just the confidence-booster our kids need to realize a career in journalism.

The REALITY

Playthings don’t really prepare kids for the roles they will one day lead. Over and over again, psychologists point to toys such as balls, blocks, and books as the devices that do the real heavy lifting. In fact, scientists confirm that fewer toys actually help kids focus longer and play more creatively.

The smart lesson we should have all learned by now: A child doesn’t need to be told how to play, no more than a kitten needs instructions for pouncing on a string or a puppy needs his mama to show him how to catch a frisbee.

All animals instinctively know how to play.

We spend our lives playing because we spend our lives learning. It’s all one big “Choose Your Own Adventure” where anything can happen. What prepares us for our roles—whether we’re a homemaker or a hack saw operator—is the time we spend figuring out how to innovate, create, solve problems, work out solutions, make amends, and adapt—using whatever the heck is right in front of us.

We don’t need fancy stuff. We just need…STUFF.

But if Emily the Entrepreneur taught me one important lesson it’s that there’s no such thing as a “big break.” Just because you land on Oprah’s List of Favorite Things doesn’t mean you’ll enjoy a lifetime of success.

When the blocks fall down, rebuild.
When the ball rolls away, go after it.
When the crayons break, color gently.
And when the book ends, write a new story.

It’s true—90% of first-time businesses do fail. But you know what else is true? 90% of entrepreneurs who pick up the pieces and start again—SUCCEED.

The first game I ever played I played without any toys at all, and I bet you played it too. Remember the magical world of MAKE BELIEVE? Yes! That fantastical place where anything can happen and anything can be? You can go there right now. If you can dream it, you can do it.

If you are one of the 12.3 million female entrepreneurs in the United States today, my advice to you is this: Never stop playing.

You’ll figure it out.

And if at first you don’t succeed, you can always try again. Chances are good—next time, you’ll find your way.

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When Your Purpose is to Make Life Less Difficult for Someone Else

Today, January 5, 2021, marks the 78th anniversary of the death of George Washington Carver.

From his humble beginnings of a slave, he rose to become one of the preeminent scientists of his day, ultimately discovering more than 300 uses for the humble peanut, even producing a peanut-based replacement for rubber during World War II in addition to soap, face creams, axle grease, insecticides, glue, medicines, and charcoal. Hard to believe a peanut can do all that, but alas—here we are—talking about this incredible legacy nearly a century after these amazing discoveries.

Carver solved big problems in a world where even back then all the people were a little bit sick, a little bit angry, a little bit greedy, and of course a little bit selfish.

I think we can all agree that last year was hard.

It was politics, and race, and wildfires, and job loss.

Oh—and COVID.

But even if you didn’t get COVID yourself, you probably worried about getting COVID, knew someone who had COVID, or simply wished the world would go back to the days before anyone ever uttered the word COVID.

If you were old, you felt vulnerable.
If you were young, you felt cheated.
If you were middle aged—like me—you felt responsible.

Did you feel like the weight of the weary world rested upon your tired shoulders?

I know.
I felt like that, too.

Responsibility is a gift and a curse—depending on how you view it.

We’re responsible, but we’re also selfish. Selfishness explains so much of human behavior—from voting tendencies to population patterns. And it’s why we have opinions about everything—opinions we’re not afraid to share.

Who among us hasn’t fantasized at least once about being the one to solve all the world’s problems?

When it comes to making a real difference, I’m guilty of allowing negative self-talk talk me out of doing anything meaningful. “I’m just one person,” I tell myself. “I don’t have enough experience, education, money, influence, or contacts.”

Want me to continue? I’m really good at making excuses!

But George Washington Carver could have used all those excuses—and more. His early life was filled with adversity. Luckily, he had a little hand up from a foster family who believed in him, and then he used his prodigious brain to pay attention to what he saw and cultivate what he knew.

What do we live for if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?—George Eliot

But what if the work I’m meant to do is simply to make life less difficult for those around me?

Can you imagine the amazing world we would inhabit if everyone focused less on themselves and more on the people around them?

Believe it or not, a lot of us actually did that last year.

Did you know Facebook users raised more than $80M to combat climate change? People around the world supported small businesses and social awakenings, and Americans saw record voter turnout for the 2020 Presidential election.

That’s how the world came together. Scaled down even farther, this year my church hosted numerous blood drives and gave hundreds of thousands of dollars to community partners through our Be Rich program.

What about you? What did YOU do? What did I do?

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.—George Washington Carver

Wanting neither fame nor fortune, Carver patented just three of his ideas. Accomplishment was never his goal. Indeed, he was a man of service.

And maybe that should be our goal, too.

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”—Galatians 6:2

I hope you’re as excited about the new year as I am. Of course, I’m excited about every new year. But even if 2021 lets me down, I’m not going to let this year get me down. There’s too many people in the world that need lifting up!

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The Extra Terrific Reading Group

Trying to figure out how to be successful is like trying to rescue a cat from a high tree.

Just when we think we’ve got him cornered, the darn thing climbs a little higher, wedges himself between two awkward branches, or worst of all…decides to jump! And suddenly, here we are, literally trying to find a net to break the fall because we know—it’s inevitable—we’re getting back in that tree. There’s always another cat to save.

Ruth Reichl, memoirist and former editor of Gourmet Magazine, knows a lot about success..and failure.

In 2009, Ruth Reichl’s editorship at Gourmet Magazine ended both abruptly and unexpectedly. Reichl was devastated, The end was immediate; even the Christmas issue, already ready to go, was casually tossed aside. But instead of going home and drowning her sorrows, she hit the road on the new Gourmet Today cookbook press tour. Of that time, Reichl recalls, “I really thought I would never get another job.”

Before becoming editor at Gourmet, she had been the food critic for both the L.A. Times and the New York Times, and she had already written the bestselling memoir, Garlic and Sapphires: The Secret Life of a Critic in Disguise.

Did she really think she couldn’t get another job?

But that’s what disappointment does to us.

It convinces us of the lie that we’re not good enough, have never been good enough, and certainly won’t ever be good enough to do anything well ever again. We might has well just quit.

Isn’t that what everybody wants us to do anyway?

Every time I sit down at the computer, I feel like I don’t have anything to say. Or I feel like there’s somebody else out there who has already said all the words. Not only that, these other writers who have already said all the words have already said those words better than me.

But I also know that every time I sit down at the computer to write, I am writing with my unique voice. And maybe I’m saying something in a new way or in a way that allows someone to understand an old idea in a different way.

Words became a part of me before I ever realized what they could do, tracing out letters like “C-A-T” and “M-A-T” with my index finger before I ever tried to write one of my own.

But it was in the third grade that I knew I had found my true love.

While other kids were playing tetherball and four-square, made friendship pins, and asked the Magic 8 Ball all their most interesting questions, I was practicing words with my trusty Speak and Spell and playing make-believe with characters that lived in my head, not my class.

My favorite subject was reading. And when the teacher divided us into groups, I wasn’t at all surprised to find myself in the E.T.’s It was 1983, and E.T. was the most popular movie in theaters, so we dubbed ourselves the E.T.’s—The Extra Terrific Reading Group. It was pretentious, we knew, but darned if we cared—WE WERE EXTRA TERRIFIC!

The Extra Terrific Reading Group actually had a lot to do with how I consume books now.

That early start formed the foundation of my education—not only in school but in life. I read books because more than anything I loved to learn.

In the last few months, I have stockpiled all kinds of books: classics from my years studying 18th century literature, youth fiction, children’s books, memoirs, accounts of social justice, Christian living, and even books on community revitalization (I promise it’s a lot more interesting than it sounds).

But while many might scoff at my varied book choices, each and every one helps shape the way I think about the world and the people in it. The books have helped me discover new hobbies and have given me a voice for a wide range of topics—some of which have become stepping stones for opportunities I never would have otherwise had.

When Gourmet Magazine told Reichl it was over, she immediately began work on My Kitchen Year: 136 Recipes that Saved My Life: A Cookbook. It’s actually only part cookbook. At 352 pages, it’s mostly memoir.

Why did she write a book when she thought she was finished as both an editor and an expert in cooking?

Because we all have that thing we do that makes us who we are. It’s the thing that can’t be squashed, no matter the failure.

And Ruth Reichl wasn’t finished.

In fact, she took her own advice:

“I’d learned an important lesson: When something frightens me, it is definitely worth doing.”

— Ruth Reichl

Reichl eventually wrote six more books, including my favorite, Tender at the Bone and her most recent, Save Me the Plums, which chronicles her decade-long career at Gourmet.

My favorite quote from that book is:

“The best antidote for sadness, I have always believed, is tackling something that you don’t know how to do.”

— Ruth Reichl, Save Me the Plums

I don’t know what I’m doing much of the time. I’m often frustrated, confused, irritated, dumbfounded, and exhausted.

But I’m not sad.

Learning always brings me joy.

And when it comes to learning, I always start with books.

In periods of deep sadness, what do you turn to to bring you comfort? Is there something you don’t know how to do that you’d like to learn? What’s your first step in figuring how to do it?

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What I’m reading:

The Miniaturist by Jessie Burton
Following Jesus by Henri J.M. Nouwen
Call of the Wild by Jack London
Between the World and Me by Ta -Nehist Coates
Ida B. by Katherine Hannigan

WINSday on Wednesday--Survival means Love

We’re in week three of quarantine.

Kids have been home schooling.
Parents have been teleworking.
We’ve all cooked—I don’t know—like 893 different meals, not to mention all the cookies, pies, and bread I’ve been making.

A friend of mine joked today that the memes are winning the pandemic.

Anybody else feel like you don’t know what you’re doing anymore?

We are doing what we can to survive.

But humans want to do more than simply survive. We want to thrive.

“The love for all living creatures is the most noble attribute of man.”

— Charles Darwin

I used to think that when Darwin was talking about survival of the fittest, he was talking about something akin to the notion of “every man for himself.” Me first. You snooze you lose. Winner takes all.

But that’s not how true survival works.

Survival of the fittest does not follow the rules of modern game theory, which posits that the rational answer or choice is always the one that’s best for me.

What’s best for me may not be what’s best for us.

In 1871, Charles Darwin published The Descent of Man. In this 873 page tome, Darwin writes only twice of “survival of the fittest,” but 95 times of love.

He writes of selfishness 12 times, but 92 times of moral sensitivity.

Of competition 9 times, but 24 times of mutuality and mutual aid. (Source)

Darwin and Jesus had this in common: They both understood that society functions best when its participants love one another.

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”

— Romans 12:10

Please continue to practice safe social distancing.
Please continue to honor doctors, essential business personnel, and your kids’ teachers. "
Please continue to wash your hands and sanitize everything you touch.

We may yet have weeks or months of some type of quarantine ahead of us.

Our survival, our ability to thrive, and even our sanity depends on how we choose to honor one another.

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I’d love to know how you’re thriving in these trying times. I love hearing from you, and I read every single comment and reply.

How Daily Rituals Lead to More Success

At precisely 9:00 PM every night, my dog, Hammy, begins his evening ritual—which includes pacing the floor, whining, and ultimately going out one last time. Either I walk him down the street or if it’s too cold, he walks himself. When he returns, he gets a treat, and waits for me to put his diaper on.

Hammy is an old dog.

And you know what they say about old dogs. You can’t teach them new tricks.

Which is fine by me because at least with Hammy I know what I’m getting. And if I don’t want to step in a puddle in the morning, Hammy better get that diaper on before bedtime.

The Hammy-Bedtime ritual might seem like it happened by accident (no pun intended), but when you have a dog (or a baby or a husband), you know that no dog, child, or man is a match for a woman with a plan.

These rituals are important for all of us.

They act as triggers, signaling our bodies to what’s next and putting us in the right frame of mind for whatever needs to be done.

Take my kids, for example.

When they were babies, we had our own evening ritual beginning with dinner, which we ate right at 5:00 PM. Family cleanup followed, then baths and storytime, and finally everyone was ready to be tucked in. I didn’t even have to be home. As long as the sitter followed the formula, everything went smoothly. Veer from the prescribed ritual, and everyone would pay for it later.

We say we want to be spontaneous and fun, and I’m all about a good time. Who doesn’t love a surprise date in the middle of the week or an unexpected call from a long-distance friend?

But our rituals are the habits that help us stay on track. Want more success? Embrace your rituals!

It’s not boring to have a plan. It’s smart adulting.

Once you have the rituals down, everything else becomes automatic.

I have very specific morning and evening rituals because the middle of my day is usually the “messy middle.” My kids go to a hybrid home school, and our schedule varies from day to day, but when they were little I had different rituals. My small children often woke up before dawn, and there was no down-time. Sometimes, I didn’t even know if I was going to get to shower. That was okay, though, because I could usually count on an afternoon nap between the hours of two and four. I filled those two hours with the rituals that were important to me.

Maybe your kids go to bed really early. If they’re in bed by 7:00, you might have 2-3 hours to take care of business in your own life. That might mean picking up toys and cleaning the kitchen, but if there’s a way to roll these chores into the rituals that include the entire family, then go for it. For example, I assigned everyone in my young family a job after dinner. Even little ones can take a plate to the sink or put toys in a basket.

And give yourself some grace: you probably won’t be able to check off all the things on your to-do list.

And that’s not the point anyway.

Lately, I’ve had to punt on a few things I would have liked to get done in deference to the one or two things I absolutely have to get done.

When you can automate the regular things you do, you are able to prioritize the things that will help you level-up your life.

Try this:

• In order to feel successful today, I need to_________________________.

• In order to feel successful this week, I need to______________________.

• In order to feel successful this month, I need to_____________________.

• I want this year to be filled with success, so I need to prioritize___________________.

Wondering what kind of rituals you should implement? I can’t tell you what you need to do, but I do know that rituals will give all your other actions greater depth and value.

• Prayer/meditation

• Exercise

• Journaling

• Drinking coffee/tea

• Connecting with friends in person or online

• Working on a passion project

Don’t all these things sound so simple?

That’s the point! They are simple, so simple in fact that you wonder why you haven’t incorporated them into your daily routine before now. We pray sometimes (like when someone asks us to) or we go to the gym sometimes (like when we don’t have anything else to do). What would it look like if instead you created a system and a plan for doing the little things that make all the big things possible?

Automate everything you can, and you’ll discover in yourself a high achiever who has more time for the things that matter to you and the people you love.

To your success!

Chantel

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