What I Want to Do vs. Who I Want to Be

What do I want to do
vs.
Who do I want to be

Thanks for sticking with us. This post is the last one in our series about motivation and goal-setting. Next month, we’ll be talking about friendship.

Unfortunately this post did not go out last week due to some technical issues with my email. All has been fixed (fingers crossed), and we’re back on track!

(Some formatting may be lost in your email. You can always view this post in your browser by clicking here.)

About this time every year, discouragement sets in. On January 1st, the possibility of the new year greets me with arms wide open, but four weeks in, I realize that the plans are just that—plans—not promises.

Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but the Lord’s purpose prevails.

Proverbs 19.21

This realization can be daunting but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. If you’d like to stay on track with motivation and goals, it’s worth taking a little time this week to think about all the big (and little things) that are in the hopper this year. When it comes time to decide what to do, you’ll be armed and ready with the tools you need to say yes—or no.

In my years writing about motivation and goal setting, I’ve learned that while most people don’t struggle to make goals, they do struggle to keep them. And I think the biggest reason why is that as the year progresses, we are faced with so many other things that compete for our time and attention. It’s these little annoyances that crop up in the normal course of our day-to-day that threaten to push aside our real intentions (As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I had an email problem last week that took two days from me! Then I came down with a terrible cold, and well, the rest is history.)

True masters of motivation are able to overcome the normal woes of life because they have created a system that allows them to easily decide which choices matter most—even when life goes sideways.

A Lifetime of Decisions, A Million Little Choices

This plays out a few ways. Let me give you some real life examples of the curveballs we encounter:

First, if you have kids, you should assume that the next crisis might be right around the corner. After all, kids make their own choices, and sometimes they don’t choose to do the things that we think are best. If you have toddlers, they may rebel against the boundaries you set for them. An older child may be struggling in school and you have to decide if they just need a tutor or if this school is really the best fit for them this year. Or maybe there is friend drama, and technology issues, and you will be tempted to make a rash decision about a variety of tangential activities because you JUST WANT IT ALL TO GO AWAY.

Or maybe you are a student and as you look as this semester’s syllabus, you are overwhelmed with all the tests, projects, and papers that are due. If you are a recent graduate, you might feel frustrated in a new job. As you are getting used to your new role, you must decide how you will approach communication and team building within the company as well as decide which projects to tackle first.

All you have to do is look at your to-do list to understand that it never really gets any shorter. It’s hard to focus on accomplishing anything significant when responsibility and duty call.

And this is true, whether you’re a student or a parent or an entrepreneur or even retired.

Increase the chances of success.
Implement a new system.

Decision paralysis is not inevitable. Smart individuals and businesses have figured out that choices are not really about our desires, but about our values.

That’s true for the big ones, like marriage and family. For example, you probably want your marriage to work. No, not just work. You want it to be successful, filled with love and trust. But if one spouse values honest communication and fidelity and the other spouse does not, the chance of success will be limited for sure.

I could even argue that all our tiny choices are really value assertions. As I sit here writing this, I feel the beginnings of hunger. I can choose to eat the salsa-flavored Sun Chips sitting in my pantry or the honeycrisp apple on the counter. It’s certainly easier to dive into a bag of chips than to peel and slice the apple, but if a healthy lifestyle is a value, then at this very moment that choice should be an easy one.

I find that facing decisions armed with my values makes deciding what to do a whole lot easier.

“Is this a value I want to uphold?” is a very different question than “Is this good for me or is this bad for me?” It also helps put into perspective the idea that sometimes what we want right now is not what we want most.

Delayed gratification becomes easier when we frame our choices in light of our values.

Try it the next time you’re faced with a decision and you’re not sure what to do. Ask yourself, “Is this a value I want to uphold?”

Whatever you’re facing this year, I hope that this conversation about values is an encouragement to you. It’s a big year. We’ve got a lot of choices ahead of us, including electing a new president.

Don’t know what your values are?

Learn more. I’ve written about values here and here. Or read this one for more insight on how to make your days a little more productive.

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One Choice We All Have

Seize the Day

“Make good choices,” I call after my kids.

I don’t know if they’re even listening.

And sometimes I feel like I need my own reminder!

Somebody needs to hold my face, look me straight in the eyes and say “Make good choices, Chantel.” Darn it. Grownups have to be their own spoil-sport.

That’s why COVID 19 finally caught up to me.

It was bound to happen. Sooner or later. After all, I was out there. At the gym. At my daughter’s cheer competition. At the grocery store.

So here I am, in my house, quarantined from the world for ten days per CDC guidelines.

It’s a real bummer, although I know I’m luckier than most with symptoms that are mild. I have the tell-tale malaise, of course, and unfortunately I also lost my sense of taste and smell.

Utterly and completely.
Which is very weird.
Suddenly, 40% of the way I communicate with the world is gone.

And I know what people are thinking, the people who saw me at the gym or at the competition or doing my grocery shopping. They’re thinking

“Was it worth it?”

And I don’t know.

It’s easy to say yes when you don’t know what the consequences will be. I’m ten days out now from my very first symptom, and so far I haven’t heard that anyone close to me has gotten sick because of me.

I followed the rules. I wore a mask when I was out in public. At the gym, I wiped down the equipment after I used it.

But every time I went out, I assumed a certain amount of risk.

“Make good choices” is a reminder I need to tell myself.

One of the biggest and most important questions we ever ask ourselves is”

“Is this worth doing?”

Every decision I’ve ever made has been through the lens of whether or not something is “worth it.”

That question has never held more promise than it does right now, when deciding if something is worth doing affects so many people.

I’m the only one in my house who is sick, but everybody is home. My husband can’t go to work. My kids can’t go to school. All the people who were with me in the days leading up to my diagnosis had to be notified, and of course now they’re waking up every morning asking themselves if they still feel normal.

It’s easy to take for granted all the decisions we make. We’re lucky we get to choose. Choosing is a real privilege.

Americans have more choices than almost any other people group on the planet. Entire books have been written about the choices we make. The paradox of choice is a real thing: Having too many choices can lead to decreased feelings of happiness, less life satisfaction and even decision paralysis.

But choice is also the hallmark of our freedom.
And our faith.

I don’t know if I would have made different choices had I known I was going to get Covid. I did all the right things, except remain at home until I could get a vaccine.

And now I have a lot fewer choices. That’s both good and bad. Since I have to stay home, I don’t get to choose among all the fun options available to me right now. I know I’m going to dig in, order groceries via the Kroger Clicklist and surf Amazon for last minute gifts. I’m going to wrap presents and rest.

You’ve got choices, too.

One of the most important choices we have at our disposal is the response we make to the emotions we feel.

The other night I was talking with my sister-in-law and at the end of the conversation, I felt like I had been overly negative in my observations about what was happening in my life. “You know what?” I told her. “I can’t end the night like this. There’s so many good things in my life right now. I’m not going to hang up this phone until I’ve said five good things.”

And right then and there I listed them, my five good things:

1) sunshine streaming through the window
2) a good night’s sleep (10 hours!)
3) a little dog curled up on my lap
4) the arrival of the first Christmas cards
5) and good friends who have checked on me daily

We may not have as many choices as we used to have, but we can always choose to be thankful. There’s an added benefit, too: Did you know it’s almost impossible to be thankful and anxious at the same time?

If that’s true, then now is the perfect time to choose gratitude over grumbling and faith over fear.

What are you most thankful for right now?

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