The Decluttering Hack for my Home that Also Changed My Personal Life

In 2020, we moved into a new house half the size of the one we had lived in for more than a decade. That meant we had to sell, purge, or store more than half of everything we owned. If I thought this job was going to be an easy one, I had to think again!

As it turns out, we really did have a lot of stuff. I’m not a minimalist, but I wanted my new house to feel fresh and clean. No junk. I vowed to fill it with only the things I loved.

But you know how things go.

A month goes by. Two months. And before I knew it, I discovered another carload (or two) of stuff we didn’t need.

To keep the clutter at bay, I now use a FREE hack endorsed by home organizers everywhere:

The empty box

Now, it’s easy to say goodbye to all my unwanted junk.

The trick is simple. Basically, I just keep an empty box in my closet and as I come across clothing I no longer wear or knick-knacks I no longer like, I simply toss them in the box. Once the box is full, I load it in my car and drop it off at my local donation center. A new empty box then takes its place.

The empty box works like a charm—and it’s easy.

I use the same trick for decluttering my mind.

Everyday, I do a brain dump—not into an empty box, but onto an empty notebook. My morning empty-page sessions help me organize my thoughts and plan what I want to get done during the day. My night sessions rid my mind of everything that weighs me down and help me release it all so I can sleep well and wake up refreshed.

“Never go to sleep without a request to your subconscious.”—Thomas Edison

Just as my home is always ready to to welcome new friends, my mind is ready to accept and process new ideas.

How many times have you had an “aha” moment, only to discover that you’re too busy to sit down and really do something about it? Instead, you say to yourself, “I’ll deal with this later.” You know what happens—you forget it about it! Your big idea gets lost in the overwhelm that is your life.

What is a brain dump? Basically, a brain dump is everything you’re thinking about right now:

• grocery list

• to-do list

• vacation packing list

• a list of people you need to call

• menu plan

• books you want to read

• notes from books you’ve already read

• quotes you like

• new subjects you want to explore

• dreams you’ve had

• business ideas

• prayers

My morning and evening notes journal is really a collection of all my random thoughts. To keep the journal from feeling too random, however, I save a few pages at the beginning to jot down a rough “table of contents.” That way, I can quickly return to something important I want to remember.

This decluttering hack requires zero effort and is oddly satisfying. The empty box in my closet and the empty journal on my desk are small commitments that give me purpose. I no longer feel overwhelmed. I can focus. I can think.

Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way (the quintessential manual on creativity), advocates for using a journaling method called “morning pages” to do just that—write down everything you’re thinking about for twenty minutes or until you fill up three pages long-hand, and then close the book. These morning pages are never meant to be shared or read by anyone else. Don’t edit. Just write. You can save the journals or throw them away. The point is to get everything out of your head and onto the page.

Now that we’ve said goodbye to everything that’s in our way, it’s time to say hello to the clarity, focus, and direction we really want. And what I really want is to follow my mission, not the madness.

How about you?

What do you really want?

WINSday on Wednesday--Who is in Your Parachute?

My oldest son got his private pilot’s license last year.

Today he was telling us about how he has to practice stalls in the air, and how if you don’t do it right you can send the plane into a nosedive and a tail spin.

Right after he told me that story, he asked if he could get a motorcycle.

This is a kid who loves adventure.

Whenever he travels and I ask him where’s he staying or how he plans to pay for stuff, he usually shrugs and says, “I’ll figure it out.”

If I told you he was 18, would you be surprised?

Teenage boys are:

Impulsive.
Risky.
Hard to insure.

Their frontal lobes are still developing.

My son, Gavin, never asks, “What would happen if…?”

His mantra is:

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.”

— Helen Keller

Right now, so many of us are asking “What’s going to happen if________?” kinds of questions.

The future is uncertain. And maybe even a little scary. Of all the things I ever imagined could disrupt my daily life, I never imagined a deadly, contagious virus being one of them.

But just because I never imagined it doesn’t mean I can’t figure out how to do life in the midst of it.

You may be feeling stressed because of a change in your current job situation. Maybe your vacation plans got canceled. Your kids aren’t in school. The way you operate is totally different than it was even a month ago.

As our circumstances change, our vision for our lives does, too.

And I’ve found that I can only make sense of these circumstances within the context of my relationships.

Did you know that one of the most powerful indicators of a thriving life are the quality of your relationships? The warmth of people’s relationships has the most significant impact on human flourishing. (Beyond Happy, 121)

Remember when I asked my son where he was going to be sleeping on that recent spring break trip? He was fully prepared to sleep in an eno in a park, in the car, or even to pay off a college kid to share a place on the floor in his dorm.

My advice to him: Don’t be an idiot.

And don’t go anywhere by yourself.

“Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing.”

— Dwight Schrute, The Office

You may never go up in a plane that was built in 1971 like my son, Gavin. You may never take a road trip without an itinerary or a reservation.

But you have encountered what it means to pivot. Covid-19 made sure of that. Our lives have taken a nosedive. We are smack dab in the middle of our own metaphorical tailspin. And I have to be honest—it doesn’t feel exciting or exhilarating.

It feels scary.

But that’s the very definition of adventure: an unusual and potentially hazardous experience that involves risk.

“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

— Proverbs 19:21

How are you making sense of all the uncertainty? Are your relationships helping you stay grounded? What’s your next, logical step? Who is keeping you accountable?

Like toddlers who put everything in their mouths (don’t do that, by the way), we are feeling our way through a new and unfamiliar world. Small children must learn to walk and run and jump, turn doorknobs, sort shapes, feed, wash, and dress themselves. They have definitive opinions about what they will drink and in what cup. In their quest to be independent, they are forging the very relationships that will ensure their mutual interdependence on one another for a lifetime.

For them, everyday is an adventure!

When it feels like the world is going into a tailspin, I’m glad we have each other.

I am learning how to work and do school while living in this new reality. The way I shop and spend time with friends is unfamiliar and awkward. I have to re-learn how to do some things that used to be very routine to me.

And so my advice to myself is the same as the advice I gave to my son: Don’t be an idiot, but don’t try to do everything by yourself either.

What we are experiencing right now will shape how we think and live in the future. Culture is changing every single day. Who we take with us is the most important decision we can make right now.

“A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who affectionately waits for him...will never be able throw away his life.”

— Viktor Frankl

My prayer for you is that you’ll thrive—FLOURISH—in this new space. Let’s not allow each other to go down in flames. Your people are your parachute. Social distancing can’t change that.

And don’t forget—within the epicenter of every scary adventure, the promise of opportunity and innovation lives, too.

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WINSday on Wednesday--Discovering Work That Matters

“Choosing a life-long career path is SO easy. “(Said no one ever.)

So why am I still surprised when I hear someone talk about the work they do and it has nothing to do with the words emblazoned on their college diploma?

This week’s WINSday on Wednesday inspiration comes from my friend, Deanna McCurdy, a trained physical therapist but a real-life competitive runner and philanthropist.

How did it happen?

In 2010, Deanna’s daughter, Hayden, was diagnosed with a rare neurologic disorder called Angelman Syndrome. Both motherhood and work began to look different than the life she originally imagined for herself. Suddenly, all the pieces in the puzzle began to make sense.

Deanna was a gifted runner. She understood science. She knew the human body inside and out.

And she found her why.

Although Deanna’s daughter might never be able to run alongside her, in fact, she may never utter a single sentence, Deanna began competing in endurance races, and inspiring other parents to set their own running goals—all in the name of finding a cure.

In conjunction with FAST, the Foundation for Angelman Syndrome Therapeutics, Deanna launched Wings to Fly, the fundraising arm of FAST.

“God gave me the ability to run and the ability to understand the human body. When he gave me a child who can’t do those things, I discovered my purpose.”

I’m intrigued when I hear people talk about the work they do. For them, the “work” has nothing to do with what we commonly think of as “our job.”

How do we plan and prepare for the lives we lead? Is purpose something we’re born with or something to be discovered? Can we find meaning in the circumstances that chose us?

Unpaid work can be a springboard for the work you’re meant to do.

Ree Drummond is one such example. You know her as the Pioneer Woman. Ree has a degree in Gerontology, the study of aging, but after meeting and falling in love with cattle rancher, Lad Drummond, Ree said goodbye to law school and moved back to her home state of Oklahoma to raise her family.

In 2006, she launched a blog detailing life on the ranch and what it was like to be a wife and homeschool mom to four kids. Eventually, she began adding recipes to the blog. Her fan base began to grow, and the rest, as they say, is history. Her engaging persona and beautiful smile also attract a large viewership to her Food Network show, The Pioneer Woman, and additional millions purchase her cookbooks (filled with beautiful photos she takes herself). I, myself, am a thoroughly satisfied customer. On any given week, you can find me in my kitchen leafing through one of her books and daydreaming about meatballs and chocolate pie.

This millionaire business woman probably never imagined a life like the one she has now. Remember, she studied GERONTOLOGY, not GASTRONOMY for goodness’ sake.

And she started out just like me!

Ree Drummond, of course, is not the first woman to find fame and fortune through the pursuit or in spite of the unpaid work she felt called to do. In Mason Currey’s book Daily Rituals: Women at Work we find profile after profile of smart, driven women who treated their art like hobbies while they raised their kids and supported their husbands. In some instances, the work wasn’t a hobby at all and yet the expectations of the day demanded these women devote their first hours to childcare and housework, only to spend time doing the things that made their souls come alive after the dishes had been scrubbed and put away and the children had been tucked snugly into their beds at night.

Women like Clara Schumann, Penelope Fitzgerald, and Shirley Jackson.

Last year, I interviewed more than fifty inspiring women as part of my Mission Driven Monday video series. In all these interviews, we talked about work, marriage, family, and service. Not one of the mothers I interviewed said she regretted having a child or family, although many said their lives look a lot different than the ones they imagined for themselves.

You will always be most successful at those things that are most personal to you.

But the real question is : Can you live with the ambiguity of not knowing what’s next or how long it might take to find the work you’re meant to do?

I hope that wherever you are and in whatever you’re doing you feel valued and appreciated. In the context of a loving, equal partnership, women just like you are free to pursue their curiosity.

Because your degree didn’t come with directions for your life.

And that’s pretty cool.

WANT MORE GOOD STUFF?

Ever wondered what it takes to be a Mission Driven Woman? Get my Free Guide: 5 Things Mission Driven Women Do Differently.

You can catch my interview with Deanna here.
Or learn more about Wings to Fly and Team Miles for Smiles here.

I’m still interviewing women about the work they’re doing. If I can contact you to ask you questions about your personal story, please sign up below and feel free to share this post with all the inspired women you know.

What's Your Kryptonite? The One Thing That Can Derail Your Dreams

Dreams and Regret

Today, I was watching my younger son play soccer and I overheard two parents talking about college majors. One mom said her brother-in-law went to an acclaimed arts school and graduated with a major in Photography. His dream job was to become a photo journalist at National Geographic, but for the last 20 years he’s been working as a paramedic. “He never enjoyed taking photos of people,” she said. “And besides, you don’t exactly find international photojournalism jobs in the want ads.”

Twenty years! There’s a big difference between being a paramedic and a guy who takes pictures.

And his sister was right. You don’t find that kind of job in the want ads. In fact, usually the kind of job we aspire to isn’t found in the want-ads at all. And I don’t think I’ve had a newspaper subscription in the last 20 years, so do the want-ads even exist anymore?

This guy is probably a good paramedic, and he probably says he loves his job. Everyday is different, after all, and saving lives can be very rewarding, I’m sure, but if his dream is hanging out in the African jungle only to find himself forever navigating the urban jungle, I can only imagine the kind of regret and disappointment he feels.

How Kryptonite Works

Even if you’re not a fan of Superman, you’ve probably heard of kryptonite. You know it’s the one thing that strips Superman of all his super powers. I don’t know if I’m remembering old episodes from the 1950s or if this is just how I imagine it in my mind, but in the presence of Kryptonite, I see Superman falling to his knees, unable to move, barely able to speak, certainly bereft of his superhuman strength and his ability to see through walls and that sort of thing.

Sometimes people will talk about kryptonite like it’s a real thing and not something made up in comic books. We all have our own version of kryptonite, the thing that keeps us grounded and unable to move forward. I think the biggest one is predictability.

Choosing safety and security over adventure.
Choosing what’s predictable and profitable over what’s preferable.
Choosing what’s right here, right now over what could be.

Predictability is safe. It’s nice to know where that next paycheck is coming from.

Before the Kryptonite

Do you remember what it was like to be in college? Maybe you were like me, a little naive and a little nervous about the future. Back then, did you wish for a predictable life or an adventurous one?

No one told me I’d probably have to be the one to create the kind of life I really wanted. My dream job was unlikely either to be handed to me on a silver platter or waiting for me to discover in the want ads. So I built a resume based on all the things I had already done rather than the things that were preparing me for all the things I wanted to do…someday.

When I’m in the zone, far away from my kryptonite, I feel a lot like Superman. I can see through walls—or at least I feel like I have a leg up on overcoming the challenges in front of me. I have the bandwidth to outrun the figurative speeding bullets charging toward me, and the strength to tackle just about anything.

Note: There will always be roadblocks on the road to success. Please don’t allow the comfort of predictability be the thing that keeps you from trying something new.

When we do things the same way, at the same time, every single day, our brain begins to work without us even thinking. We don’t have to adjust or adapt. We just have to be. Just like fictional kryptonite keeps Superman from being able to use his superhuman strength, so we too, are paralyzed. I have never felt weaker than when I am doing repetitive work I don’t really care about.

Back when I was in college and I had all those big dreams, I had no idea that I was responsible for creating the life I wanted. I thought everybody just got an entry level job after graduation and then twenty years later-voila—they were promoted to VP level positions.

Sometimes that’s how it works. But not always.

If some UN-predictable things hadn’t happened, like getting rejected from medical school—TWICE—or getting pregnant with my first daughter, maybe I’d still be climbing the corporate ladder. But because something unexpected happened, I shifted my thinking and leaned in. I discovered new interests, pursued new adventures, and started volunteering and leading things that put me on a new path and toward a new definition of success.

Since kryptonite causes pain and paralysis, overcoming it is anything but easy. In every instance I’ve ever had of overcoming my personal kryptonite, (the dreaded predictability), I can honestly say that our family has benefited. I’ve met people who literally changed the trajectory of my life. I’ve been inspired by stories of life change. I’ve created and built things I never could have even imagined if I had remained stuck doing the same thing day in and day out.

What’s that saying?

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

— not Albert Einstein (although no one really knows who said this)

Don’t let predictability get you. Yes, it’s safe. Yes, it’s easy. But I can think of at least ten ways the paramedic could have begun his journey toward photo journalism. And while I want to be one of those positive people who says “It’s never too late,” the reality is for every year you put off a dream the road back to you becomes littered with hazards. Predictability becomes the easy, default moda operandi. Families, obligations, commitments, and stuff make going off-road difficult, if not impossible. When you’re young, you have less to lose and so it’s easy to take risks. Plus, your relative inexperience with predictability keeps you from becoming too comfortable.

Questions to Ponder:

What are you working on that you’re excited about right now?
What do you love about what you do?
How can you make this year better than last year?
What’s next for you? And what’s keeping you from making one honest-to-goodness change right now?

Ready to take it to the next level?