What I Want to Do vs. Who I Want to Be

What do I want to do
vs.
Who do I want to be

Thanks for sticking with us. This post is the last one in our series about motivation and goal-setting. Next month, we’ll be talking about friendship.

Unfortunately this post did not go out last week due to some technical issues with my email. All has been fixed (fingers crossed), and we’re back on track!

(Some formatting may be lost in your email. You can always view this post in your browser by clicking here.)

About this time every year, discouragement sets in. On January 1st, the possibility of the new year greets me with arms wide open, but four weeks in, I realize that the plans are just that—plans—not promises.

Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but the Lord’s purpose prevails.

Proverbs 19.21

This realization can be daunting but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. If you’d like to stay on track with motivation and goals, it’s worth taking a little time this week to think about all the big (and little things) that are in the hopper this year. When it comes time to decide what to do, you’ll be armed and ready with the tools you need to say yes—or no.

In my years writing about motivation and goal setting, I’ve learned that while most people don’t struggle to make goals, they do struggle to keep them. And I think the biggest reason why is that as the year progresses, we are faced with so many other things that compete for our time and attention. It’s these little annoyances that crop up in the normal course of our day-to-day that threaten to push aside our real intentions (As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I had an email problem last week that took two days from me! Then I came down with a terrible cold, and well, the rest is history.)

True masters of motivation are able to overcome the normal woes of life because they have created a system that allows them to easily decide which choices matter most—even when life goes sideways.

A Lifetime of Decisions, A Million Little Choices

This plays out a few ways. Let me give you some real life examples of the curveballs we encounter:

First, if you have kids, you should assume that the next crisis might be right around the corner. After all, kids make their own choices, and sometimes they don’t choose to do the things that we think are best. If you have toddlers, they may rebel against the boundaries you set for them. An older child may be struggling in school and you have to decide if they just need a tutor or if this school is really the best fit for them this year. Or maybe there is friend drama, and technology issues, and you will be tempted to make a rash decision about a variety of tangential activities because you JUST WANT IT ALL TO GO AWAY.

Or maybe you are a student and as you look as this semester’s syllabus, you are overwhelmed with all the tests, projects, and papers that are due. If you are a recent graduate, you might feel frustrated in a new job. As you are getting used to your new role, you must decide how you will approach communication and team building within the company as well as decide which projects to tackle first.

All you have to do is look at your to-do list to understand that it never really gets any shorter. It’s hard to focus on accomplishing anything significant when responsibility and duty call.

And this is true, whether you’re a student or a parent or an entrepreneur or even retired.

Increase the chances of success.
Implement a new system.

Decision paralysis is not inevitable. Smart individuals and businesses have figured out that choices are not really about our desires, but about our values.

That’s true for the big ones, like marriage and family. For example, you probably want your marriage to work. No, not just work. You want it to be successful, filled with love and trust. But if one spouse values honest communication and fidelity and the other spouse does not, the chance of success will be limited for sure.

I could even argue that all our tiny choices are really value assertions. As I sit here writing this, I feel the beginnings of hunger. I can choose to eat the salsa-flavored Sun Chips sitting in my pantry or the honeycrisp apple on the counter. It’s certainly easier to dive into a bag of chips than to peel and slice the apple, but if a healthy lifestyle is a value, then at this very moment that choice should be an easy one.

I find that facing decisions armed with my values makes deciding what to do a whole lot easier.

“Is this a value I want to uphold?” is a very different question than “Is this good for me or is this bad for me?” It also helps put into perspective the idea that sometimes what we want right now is not what we want most.

Delayed gratification becomes easier when we frame our choices in light of our values.

Try it the next time you’re faced with a decision and you’re not sure what to do. Ask yourself, “Is this a value I want to uphold?”

Whatever you’re facing this year, I hope that this conversation about values is an encouragement to you. It’s a big year. We’ve got a lot of choices ahead of us, including electing a new president.

Don’t know what your values are?

Learn more. I’ve written about values here and here. Or read this one for more insight on how to make your days a little more productive.

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The Decluttering Hack for my Home that Also Changed My Personal Life

In 2020, we moved into a new house half the size of the one we had lived in for more than a decade. That meant we had to sell, purge, or store more than half of everything we owned. If I thought this job was going to be an easy one, I had to think again!

As it turns out, we really did have a lot of stuff. I’m not a minimalist, but I wanted my new house to feel fresh and clean. No junk. I vowed to fill it with only the things I loved.

But you know how things go.

A month goes by. Two months. And before I knew it, I discovered another carload (or two) of stuff we didn’t need.

To keep the clutter at bay, I now use a FREE hack endorsed by home organizers everywhere:

The empty box

Now, it’s easy to say goodbye to all my unwanted junk.

The trick is simple. Basically, I just keep an empty box in my closet and as I come across clothing I no longer wear or knick-knacks I no longer like, I simply toss them in the box. Once the box is full, I load it in my car and drop it off at my local donation center. A new empty box then takes its place.

The empty box works like a charm—and it’s easy.

I use the same trick for decluttering my mind.

Everyday, I do a brain dump—not into an empty box, but onto an empty notebook. My morning empty-page sessions help me organize my thoughts and plan what I want to get done during the day. My night sessions rid my mind of everything that weighs me down and help me release it all so I can sleep well and wake up refreshed.

“Never go to sleep without a request to your subconscious.”—Thomas Edison

Just as my home is always ready to to welcome new friends, my mind is ready to accept and process new ideas.

How many times have you had an “aha” moment, only to discover that you’re too busy to sit down and really do something about it? Instead, you say to yourself, “I’ll deal with this later.” You know what happens—you forget it about it! Your big idea gets lost in the overwhelm that is your life.

What is a brain dump? Basically, a brain dump is everything you’re thinking about right now:

• grocery list

• to-do list

• vacation packing list

• a list of people you need to call

• menu plan

• books you want to read

• notes from books you’ve already read

• quotes you like

• new subjects you want to explore

• dreams you’ve had

• business ideas

• prayers

My morning and evening notes journal is really a collection of all my random thoughts. To keep the journal from feeling too random, however, I save a few pages at the beginning to jot down a rough “table of contents.” That way, I can quickly return to something important I want to remember.

This decluttering hack requires zero effort and is oddly satisfying. The empty box in my closet and the empty journal on my desk are small commitments that give me purpose. I no longer feel overwhelmed. I can focus. I can think.

Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way (the quintessential manual on creativity), advocates for using a journaling method called “morning pages” to do just that—write down everything you’re thinking about for twenty minutes or until you fill up three pages long-hand, and then close the book. These morning pages are never meant to be shared or read by anyone else. Don’t edit. Just write. You can save the journals or throw them away. The point is to get everything out of your head and onto the page.

Now that we’ve said goodbye to everything that’s in our way, it’s time to say hello to the clarity, focus, and direction we really want. And what I really want is to follow my mission, not the madness.

How about you?

What do you really want?