The Decluttering Hack for my Home that Also Changed My Personal Life

In 2020, we moved into a new house half the size of the one we had lived in for more than a decade. That meant we had to sell, purge, or store more than half of everything we owned. If I thought this job was going to be an easy one, I had to think again!

As it turns out, we really did have a lot of stuff. I’m not a minimalist, but I wanted my new house to feel fresh and clean. No junk. I vowed to fill it with only the things I loved.

But you know how things go.

A month goes by. Two months. And before I knew it, I discovered another carload (or two) of stuff we didn’t need.

To keep the clutter at bay, I now use a FREE hack endorsed by home organizers everywhere:

The empty box

Now, it’s easy to say goodbye to all my unwanted junk.

The trick is simple. Basically, I just keep an empty box in my closet and as I come across clothing I no longer wear or knick-knacks I no longer like, I simply toss them in the box. Once the box is full, I load it in my car and drop it off at my local donation center. A new empty box then takes its place.

The empty box works like a charm—and it’s easy.

I use the same trick for decluttering my mind.

Everyday, I do a brain dump—not into an empty box, but onto an empty notebook. My morning empty-page sessions help me organize my thoughts and plan what I want to get done during the day. My night sessions rid my mind of everything that weighs me down and help me release it all so I can sleep well and wake up refreshed.

“Never go to sleep without a request to your subconscious.”—Thomas Edison

Just as my home is always ready to to welcome new friends, my mind is ready to accept and process new ideas.

How many times have you had an “aha” moment, only to discover that you’re too busy to sit down and really do something about it? Instead, you say to yourself, “I’ll deal with this later.” You know what happens—you forget it about it! Your big idea gets lost in the overwhelm that is your life.

What is a brain dump? Basically, a brain dump is everything you’re thinking about right now:

• grocery list

• to-do list

• vacation packing list

• a list of people you need to call

• menu plan

• books you want to read

• notes from books you’ve already read

• quotes you like

• new subjects you want to explore

• dreams you’ve had

• business ideas

• prayers

My morning and evening notes journal is really a collection of all my random thoughts. To keep the journal from feeling too random, however, I save a few pages at the beginning to jot down a rough “table of contents.” That way, I can quickly return to something important I want to remember.

This decluttering hack requires zero effort and is oddly satisfying. The empty box in my closet and the empty journal on my desk are small commitments that give me purpose. I no longer feel overwhelmed. I can focus. I can think.

Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way (the quintessential manual on creativity), advocates for using a journaling method called “morning pages” to do just that—write down everything you’re thinking about for twenty minutes or until you fill up three pages long-hand, and then close the book. These morning pages are never meant to be shared or read by anyone else. Don’t edit. Just write. You can save the journals or throw them away. The point is to get everything out of your head and onto the page.

Now that we’ve said goodbye to everything that’s in our way, it’s time to say hello to the clarity, focus, and direction we really want. And what I really want is to follow my mission, not the madness.

How about you?

What do you really want?

Apathy: What to do When Work Feels Meaningless

First, let’s talk about work.

In Physics, work is force x displacement. The formula looks like this:

W=F(s)

In life, work is the energy we devote to making a difference in our homes, businesses, or communities.

But when we feel like we’re devoting a lot of energy with little or no return on that investment, the work feels meaningless. We begin to wonder if the work we’re doing is making a difference at all. And when we’re the ones who feel displaced, something is terribly wrong.

The pandemic has exacerbated our felt need for meaningful work by shifting focus (and resources) to essential frontline workers.

If you’re not an essential worker, your business might have taken a real hit this year. Many people experienced layoffs, furloughs, and resource allocations.

It seems like everyone these days is thinking about work—how to get a job, keep a job, or make their job impervious to future challenges.

I get it.

Even though I’m “just” a mom, I’ve been getting questions about work my whole life.

“What do you do?” I’m often asked. Or sometimes, this one, masked with politeness, “Do you work outside the home?”

The repetitive nature of household work combined with a feeling that your value is being taken for granted every single day can make even the most doting mom feel apathetic.

Parenting is like taking a ride on an emotional roller coaster. One second you’re on top of the world. The next, you’re in the pits of despair. Exhilarating highs and sorrowful lows eventually bring on emotional fatigue.

Emotional fatigue takes a toll, and the result isn’t pretty; it’s apathy—that sinking feeling that everything is meaningless.

I never thought of myself as an apathetic person, even though I did use phrases like “I couldn’t care less” and “Whatever” a lot as a teenager.

That was pretend.

I was just acting like I didn’t care, when in fact I cared very much—about everything—but I wrongly assumed that looking cool had something to do with giving off an air of aloofness.

Eye rolls, hair flips, and sighing were all just part of the act.

Real apathy—I didn’t experience that until I became a mom.

It’s bad manners not to tell mothers they have the most important job on earth, but given what’s actually practiced, it is hard for mothers to believe this is true.

My friend Jen once told me, “It’s not hard to be a mom; it’s hard to be a mom in a world that doesn’t value motherhood.”

The writer of Ecclesiastes felt this way, too.

“Yet when I survey all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.”

— Ecclesiastes 2:11

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A recent article in the Harvard Business Review aptly titled “What to do When Work Feels Meaningless” outlines some helpful strategies, which include empowering yourself with small actions, participating in something called “job crafting” and imagining a more purposeful future.

Let’s simplify.

Whenever you begin to dread the work you’re doing, you need to ask yourself two questions:

1) What do I want most?

This question is important because it acts like a gauge for assessing if where we are is serving as stepping stone or a stumbling block to helping us get where we want to be. Also—and this cannot be discounted—we can inadvertently sabotage our own future by prioritizing what we want now over what we want most or even by refusing to think about what we want at all. Both are choices, and both can be dangerous.

2) And why am I doing this?

WHY might be my very favorite question of all time. It’s the one two year-olds ask when told it’s time for bed. Heck, it’s the one two year-olds ask when we tell them anything. But just because we’re all grown up doesn’t mean we shouldn’t ask why. We should NEVER, ever stop asking this question.

As Viktor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning, so aptly mused, “Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'.”

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“Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how.’””

— Viktor Frankl

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Learning to make meaning from our life stories may be the most indispensable but least understood skill of our time. Paul Wong, a meaning researcher in Toronto, calls meaning making “the best kept secret to the greatest human adventure.” (Adapted from Life is in the Transitions by Bruce Feiler)

Humans have a unique ability to live in the present while simultaneously remembering the past and envisioning the future. Being able to do this gives us a real-time view of the over-arching theme of our lives.

When I realized what I wanted my life to look like, I was able to craft a story I could live with.

I know what you must be thinking: What do you do when you realize the life you envisioned doesn’t match the one you’re living? When the friend dies or the kids haven’t met your expectations or the husband walked out on you?

The only way to survive suffering is to find meaning in it.

The. Only. Way.

Frankl also said, “Our need for meaning is greatest when life is harshest.”

We must bring our own meaning to the story we’re living.

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The Role of Imagination, Discipline, and Gratitude

1. Imagine your preferred future. Make an effort to stay connected to whatever work you gave up. I studied Biology in college. Although I may never work as a scientist, I recently subscribed to Scientific American Magazine. The articles are interesting, and every month I’m inspired to think about the world’s problems in new, creative ways. Problems I can actually do something about! Small steps in the direction of our dreams prepare us for what’s next.

2. Discipline yourself. We can wake up every morning obsessing over all the things that have to be done—the minutiae that preoccupies our waking hours—or we can decide that today is the day we do something different. When I was a young mom with small children, I often woke up tired. Before my feet hit the floor, I would already be dreaming of how I could squeeze in a nap later in the day. This attitude set me up for disappointment. Sometimes I got the nap, but often I didn’t, so not only was I tired…but also frustrated. And worse—I didn’t get anything done! Decide what you will do today and make a plan for getting something done. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, just a “some”thing.

3. Practice gratitude. Give thanks for the work you’ve been given. The work of your hands is never offered in vain. Remember, no work (no matter how small) is ever wasted. Your perspective makes all the difference. I can grumble about the things that annoy me (i.e. unloading the dishwasher for the 100th time) or give thanks for the opportunity to serve my family.

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Above all else, remember that the story you’re living doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s. Jealousy is counterfeit flattery. It’s an insult to everything that person has experienced, suffered, worked for, and failed at.

“And I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person’s envy of another. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.”

— Ecclesiastes 4:4

The work you do is important for the sole reason that it belongs to you.

Want more good stuff?

Tune in next week for Part 3 of our series: We’ll be talking about Insignificance and the battle to stay relevant.

Don’t miss a thing!

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When You Want to be an Expert (at everything)

I don’t visit LinkedIn very often because technically I don’t have a “real” job, but every once in awhile I like to see what all the cool kids are doing. The other day, I was reading a post penned by a former neighbor that was all about supply chain logistics, and I’ll have to be honest—I didn’t understand a word of it.

“Gosh, this is over my head!” I said to my husband.

He just looked at me blankly.

“What?” I shrugged my shoulders. “It is. I don’t understand a word he’s saying.”

“That ‘s okay,” he said. “You’re not supposed to understand it. Supply chain logistics isn’t what you do. It’s not ‘over your head.’ And it doesn’t mean you’re not smart; It’s just outside your realm of knowledge.”

Your realm of knowledge.

And of course he was right.

We can’t be expected to know everything. But I’m an Enneagram 5, and my natural tendency is to want to know everything about everything. In fact, when I discovered this book, I thought all my dreams were coming true.

How Not to be Wrong

But there’s real freedom is focusing only on the things you do know. After all, I’d venture to say you’d probably add more value to the world by becoming an expert at one thing than by knowing a little bit about a bunch of different things.

I’ve been doing a lot of research these last two years on women and work—how it evolves over a lifetime and how we grow and change in the midst of it. It’s easy to get sidetracked by all the other cool things there are to learn about, but all those things are just distractions from the one thing I really want to deep dive.

If you could become an expert on just one thing this year, what would it be?

Want more good stuff?