women

There's No Such Thing as a One Dimensional Life

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March is Women’s History Month, so this month I’ll be focusing on themes relating to women in the workplace, at school, at home, and of course among our peers. Let’s honor one another today and always!


PREJUDICE? WHO? ME?

You know me. I’ve always got a book in my hand, and this week, I just finished Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg. Tucked among all the interesting research and anecdotes was a little tidbit about women that got me thinking. Because he was talking about identity, I was intrigued. You see, identity is a buzzword in the Christian community, and I’ve always felt it’s been a bit overused. (Like, GAH, talk to me about something else besides identity already!)

But here goes….

In a 2005 study at Texas Christian University, a researcher told a group of male and female students that he was studying GRE performance. The lead researcher told the students that he was studying this because of the well-known theory that men typically outperform women on these tests. (He said this on purpose to ensure that the stereotype would be at the forefront of the students’ minds while they took the test. )

Then the researchers divided the students into three groups.

  • Group #1: Went to a room and took the test with no further instructions.

  • Group #2: Were told to think about their identity in a general way and were given an example that showed a bubble chart with the word “ME” in the middle and then three or four branching bubbles that included words like “student,” “sister, “ and “employee.”

  • Group #3: Were also told to think about their identity, but to use as many branching bubbles as they could muster. This group saw an example that included the words listed above but additional descriptors like “advice giver,” “animal lover,” and “dean’s list.”

The researchers wanted to see if the stereotype threat could be mitigated by reminding individual women of their multiples roles and identities.

WHAT I LEARNED

I didn’t think this would be such a big deal, but even women who are high achievers in the area of math often score twenty points BELOW men in tests where ability is measured. Specifically, they do worse on timed assignments. They run out of time because they’re subconsciously thinking, “I need to double-check. I need to be careful.” Anxiety and distraction slow them down.

So you can probably guess what happened in the experiment I just described. The women who were not told to think about their multiple identities or who were only asked to describe themselves in a very basic way, scored lower than those women who were given ample time to think about and write down their various identities, the clubs they belonged to, the offices they held, their roles in their families, sororities, and sports teams. In fact, the women who internalized their identity scored the same as the men!

According to Duhigg, “the existence of the stereotype generated just enough anxiety and distraction to slow the women down, which resulted in lower test scores,”—twenty points is a big deal!

THE MULTITUDES

I share this story because even though most of the women reading this blog will probably never take another college entrance exam, you will encounter situations where you may perceive yourself as the underdog. And maybe that’s because you’ve spent a couple of decades raising kids at home and now you’re ready to enter a different kind of workforce. Maybe you’ve been asked to join a board and you feel unqualified or unprepared. Maybe you’re leading a volunteer team that’s composed primarily of men who think they have all the answers.

Negative self talk loses its force when we as women think about who we are in as many categories as possible. We can render powerless all those voices telling us we’re not smart enough or good enough if we just remember that we contain multitudes. Our identities are not so one-dimensional.

I’ve talked about this before, but I’ll never forget meeting a new friend after my oldest daughter was born. We introduced ourselves, and then she asked, “So are you just a mom?” Of course, all I heard was that little qualifier..JUST…JUST…JUST….

You’re not a JUST anything, and neither am I. We contain multitudes, and that’s a good thing because that means we can connect with people on so many levels. Remembering that we are more than what we seem and that others are too (and this is key) is a valuable tool for empathy, understanding, connection, and progress in both work and relationships.

Of course, as a Christian, I would be remiss if I didn’t also say that while remembering who we are is important, remembering WHOSE we are is paramount. Any one component of our identity is actually pretty fragile. Your position at work, your role at home, your status in your community—all those things can change in an instant. Even so, my friend, we shall be forevermore children of God. You can take great comfort in knowing that.

For more reflections on identity, read this and this.

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13 Reasons Why (I love having women in my life)

March is Women’s History Month, and I would be remiss if a blog titled MISSION DRIVEN WOMAN didn’t dedicate at least one post to the inspiring females among us.

In 2019, I began this blog with a series of video conversations in which I interviewed more than 50 women. Some were friends of mine, but a lot of them were the result of me just asking,

“Hey, who do you know that I should know?”

The wisdom shared in these conversations cannot be underestimated. By the world’s standards, none of these women have platforms that would fill a colosseum or bank accounts that would make Oprah jealous.

And yet…

They are an enduring reminder of what happens when we get to choose the work that matters to us.

What follows are snippets from some of my favorite conversations. I hope you’ll read them and be inspired, too. As I sit here typing, I realize that I’m the one who needs these reminders more than ever.

At the end of each sound byte, I included a question to ponder.

Information is wonderful, but information without application is wasteful.

(You can click on the name to link directly to more helpful content about and from this woman leader.) And as always, feel free to reply directly to this email if you have a question or idea you’d like to share!

LET’S BEGIN!

On Contentment

with Lydia Mays

Lydia has a smile as wide as the Nile. You would never guess at the heartbreak she’s known, but she channeled her own loss into generosity. When we talked about contentment, she said this: There’s one thing contentment is not: Contentment is not passive. It’s active and focused. Contentment is a deliberate intent to fill yourself up with love so you can embrace a vision of ways to give away more time, money, art, and love.

It’s a lesson on “How to be Generous” on steroids.

Our souls are not like vaults in a bank: empty, insulated, and locked. No vault can rival the human soul, which has an infinite capacity for forgiveness, love, and grace.

Question to Ponder: What are you holding onto that needs to be shared?

On Intentionality

with Ginny Starr

Harnessing the power of the moments we have is the key to combating the curmudgeon living inside all of us. Ginny and I weren’t talking about the “carefully curated” moments we see plastered across our Instagram feeds. (Ginny’s not even on Instagram!)

We talked about the kind of real-life intentionality that leads to real powerful visceral responses.

So what does it mean to be a curator of memories?

The word curate comes from the Latin cura, which translates “to care for.”

When Ginny says she want to be a curator of memories, what she’s really saying is “I want to care for you.”

In caring for people, we’re not just manufacturing special moments; we’re literally making them feel special.

Question to ponder: What’s one unexpected thing you can do today to make someone in your life feel extra special?

On Identity

with Lauren Ware

At the time of our conversation, Lauren’s husband was in law school, and Lauren had just had just given birth to their fourth child.

In Lauren’s words: “We are learning to live with less so that our future will include more.”

In the midst of what feels unfamiliar and scary, a lot of women cry, “I feel like I’m losing myself!”

Lauren didn’t express this sentiment because she isn’t losing herself at all; she’s leveraging the change to solidify her own identity. Isn’t it true that we define ourselves by what’s in our hearts, not by what’s on our business cards?

Question to ponder: What does your current business card say about you?

On Purpose

with Deanna McCurdy:

“GOD GAVE ME THE ABILITY TO RUN AND THE ABILITY TO UNDERSTAND THE HUMAN BODY. WHEN HE GAVE ME A CHILD WHO CAN’T DO THOSE THINGS, I DISCOVERED MY PURPOSE.”

I’m intrigued when I hear people talk about the work they do. For them, the “work” has nothing to do with what we commonly think of as “our job.”

Deanna has a daughter with Angelman’s syndrome, a rare genetic disorder that causes delayed development, problems with speech and balance, and intellectual disability. Deanna is using her training as a physical therapist to care for her daughter and her love of extreme sports to raise awareness and funds for the disease.

Unpaid work can be a springboard for the work you’re meant to do.

Questions to ponder: How do we plan and prepare for the lives we lead? Is purpose something we’re born with or something to be discovered? Can we find meaning in the circumstances that choose us?


On Fear

With Jordan Foxworthy:

Jordan told me about how when she was a little girl she was afraid of so many things! And then one day she just decided to say yes—yes to an overseas missions trip with her dad. Getting on the plane and traveling to a faraway country with customs and language different from her own, she said “YES” and the experience changed the trajectory of her entire life!

Change is scary. Sometimes, I think we actually become more fearful as we get older. Maybe it’s because we can imagine all the ways in which something can go wrong. We know too much. Knowledge isn’t always power. Jordan, who is now in her late 20s, says she often has to remind herself how far she’s come. Saying “yes” opened her up to the possibility of new experiences.

My life is more interesting, eclectic, and diverse than my high school aged brain ever imagined it would be.”

Question to ponder: What might you learn if you said yes to the thing you’ve been running from all these years?

On Choices

With Bonnie Clark:

When a series of bad choices led to the end of a college dream, Bonnie Clark, didn’t allow herself to wallow in self-pity.

Sometimes, we make the wrong choice, suffer the consequences, and discover that the very next choice is the hardest one of all because we have to swallow our pride and accept the consequences. Looking at it from another perspective, however—that all other options have been eliminated—makes the next choice an easy one.

Bonnie reminds us to capture your thoughts, evaluate every decision, and remember: a choice is both a privilege and an opportunity. Don’t let the fear of making the wrong choice keep you from making a perfectly acceptable one.

On Hope

With Ashley Jones:

My friend, Ashley, lost her daughter to a terminal illness. She is the founder and CEO of an organization called Love not Lost in Atlanta. In talking with Ashley and others with similar stories, I discovered that there is a connection between the emotional moments that happen to us and the creative moments that we make happen.

These emotional moments sometimes manifest as interruptions, inconveniences, or gross injustices. But if we live each day in holy expectation, the moments become invitations to join God in the work of bringing more hope and love into the world.

Question to ponder: Have you ever had an interruption that turned into an invitation you couldn’t resist?

On Self Care

With Melanie Dale:

Melanie, who has published three (four?) books now, says that she often has to make time to fill herself up. All that stuff she pours out on the page didn’t come from nowhere. The words are the way she processes her lived experience, but she wouldn’t be able to share the hard stuff if she couldn’t also set aside time to create, dream, and just have fun.

Women are notorious for setting aside their own needs in service to everyone else’s.

Question to ponder: What’s something you’ve been wanting to do for fun that you’ve been putting off because you didn’t think you had the time?

On Success

With Jen Soong:

Here’s what Jen had to say about success:

“I wanted to define success on my own terms…Success is doing work that’s meaningful and making meaningful connections, and building a life that I’m proud of everyday.”

The questions below are hers.

Questions to ponder:

“Am I living a life of integrity?

Am I stoking my creativity?

Am I showing up in a honest way that allows myself and others to be seen?

On Meditation

With Karen Seward:

The secret to Karen’s contentment might surprise you: Karen starts the day by doing absolutely nothing.

She calls this meditation, and it’s definitely not doing nothing. Meditation is important work. When Karen first started meditating, she would set a timer for just two minutes. After years of practice, today she doesn’t need a timer at all and still spends up to thirty minutes every morning in silence. She told me that she imagines putting all her cares into a giant balloon and releasing them into the sky. Then she focuses on simply being grateful.

Question to ponder: What do you need to let go of?

On Decision-Making

With Sandra Stanley:

Sandra shares that life is a series of baby steps, tiny decisions or actions we encounter on our way to something bigger. Ask God to help you prepare for the season that awaits. Pray, “God, give me guidance and direction. Please cast vision for what’s next, and show me what to do now, so I’ll be clear about where to go next.”

Question to ponder: What do you need to stay motivated during this season of waiting?

On Trauma:

With Courtney Geiser:

Here’s a big idea: The gift of experience is grace for tomorrow.

No experience, however trivial or traumatic, is ever wasted.

Courtney emphasizes: Never think for one second that your trauma did not matter or matters only to you. While your experience is personal, the emotion surrounding it is universal.

Question to ponder: Have you ever felt like your trauma had to be experienced alone? Who needs to hear your story?

On Friendship:

With Kristi Porter:

Kristi is the founder of Signify, an organization that helps nonprofits and social enterprises get noticed and grow through effective marketing and communication. When I interviewed Kristi, she told me the one thing—the ONE thing—everyone needs is a mentor. Someone “a little farther along the path” knows exactly how to help you get to where you want to be. And the accountability cannot be minimized. It’s everything! (She was right! I have both a mentor and an accountability partner, and without their help, I’d be sitting on the sofa everyday watching soaps and eating bon bons—no kidding!)

Question to ponder: Who can you ask to be a part of your team?


I was going to insert an inspiring quote here because I’m sure Helen Keller or Maya Angelou said something worth writing down. To be sure, the contributions of women like Amelia Earhart and Marie Curie, are valuable. But there is something worth sharing inside each and every one of us. The purpose of this post was to elevate the ordinary voices who possess extraordinary wisdom.

And although he’s not a woman, Solomon, the wisest man in the Bible reminds us that, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

We need to lean into the relationships that are all around us.

May this blog be a place where you find the people and accountability you need to stay on track right where you are.

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When You Want to be an Expert (at everything)

I don’t visit LinkedIn very often because technically I don’t have a “real” job, but every once in awhile I like to see what all the cool kids are doing. The other day, I was reading a post penned by a former neighbor that was all about supply chain logistics, and I’ll have to be honest—I didn’t understand a word of it.

“Gosh, this is over my head!” I said to my husband.

He just looked at me blankly.

“What?” I shrugged my shoulders. “It is. I don’t understand a word he’s saying.”

“That ‘s okay,” he said. “You’re not supposed to understand it. Supply chain logistics isn’t what you do. It’s not ‘over your head.’ And it doesn’t mean you’re not smart; It’s just outside your realm of knowledge.”

Your realm of knowledge.

And of course he was right.

We can’t be expected to know everything. But I’m an Enneagram 5, and my natural tendency is to want to know everything about everything. In fact, when I discovered this book, I thought all my dreams were coming true.

How Not to be Wrong

How Not to be Wrong

But there’s real freedom is focusing only on the things you do know. After all, I’d venture to say you’d probably add more value to the world by becoming an expert at one thing than by knowing a little bit about a bunch of different things.

I’ve been doing a lot of research these last two years on women and work—how it evolves over a lifetime and how we grow and change in the midst of it. It’s easy to get sidetracked by all the other cool things there are to learn about, but all those things are just distractions from the one thing I really want to deep dive.

If you could become an expert on just one thing this year, what would it be?

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