What Does It Mean if Your Lucky Bamboo Dies?

Help! The lucky bamboo is dead!

My dad has been growing bamboo in our backyard for as long as I can remember. It’s the kind of plant—ahem—grass —that most other people shun. They cut it down and complain to the homeowner’s association of its encroaching roots. Vile weed! Luckily for my dad, he lives in a neighborhood that doesn’t have an association.

Properties of bamboo:

• Bamboo is the fastest growing land-plant in the world. The only thing that grows quicker is giant sea kelp.

• Clumping bamboo purifies the air up to 30% more effectively than any other plant. Walking through a bamboo forest, high on all that extra oxygen, can help relieve tension and headaches and make you feel happier.

• Thomas Edison used a carbonized bamboo filament in his very first successful light bulb.

• Bamboo is not flammable, but does make a loud popping sound in a fire due to the air pockets that exist between nodes. The very first fire crackers made in China were created out of bamboo.

• Snakes don't like bamboo. Snakes like to curl up in warm, silent places. Bamboo mulch is both too loud and too cold (due to the air purification). Furthermore, the stems are too slippery to climb.

With all these good-for-you properties, why would anyone NOT want a few stalks of lucky bamboo?

Turns out lucky bamboo isn’t bamboo at all. All those properties I just told you about? Forget about them. They don’t apply to lucky bamboo. I feel like I’ve been duped. Lucky bamboo is actually part of the plant species called dracaena sanderiana, native to Africa, not China. It’s popular because of its ability to grow in low light. Textbooks also describe dracaena as “tenacious” and “difficult to destroy.” And there you have it— the magic properties that somehow linked real bamboo with the lucky kind.

The other day, we were cleaning out the coffee shop, getting the last of everything out so it would be ready for our final walk-through with the landlord. On the counter where the coffee grinders and espresso machines used to sit was a bottle that houses our single stalk of lucky bamboo. I noticed two weeks ago that the top was beginning to turn yellow, and then yesterday, as we cleared out the last remnants of what was left of Copper Coin, I discovered the bamboo was brown all the way down.

It died.

And I’m not superstitious, but I am a little bit stitious.

Isn’t it weird that our one tangible symbol of wealth and prosperity died just as our real-life dream keeled over too?

This single stalk lucky bamboo, which had been thriving on our barista counter for more than a year (some employees testified it had been there for several years), is now totally defunct. No one knows how we came by our lucky bamboo. Maybe another local business gave it to us? After all, lucky bamboo is a popular corporate gift because it brings with it the promise to keep the business flourishing. It is a symbol of power, strength, truth, commitment, and prosperity.

These days, I notice people looking at me with pity in their eyes. I can tell they want to ask me about the coffee shop, but don’t. I know what they’re thinking, though. “Poor thing. She just couldn’t hack it in the business world.” It’s truly as if someone has died. I think they’re afraid that if they bring up “the closing” I’ll start crying, but they’re dying to know. “What really happened?” they whisper to their friends. I think they’re hoping to avoid whatever horrible plague befell us. They want to make sure it’s not contagious.

Trust me—you can ask me about the coffee shop.

Gavin and I ended it on our terms. It was our choice. I promise I won’t cry. We tried something that we thought would be both profitable and fun, and as it turns out—it wasn’t that profitable, and it wasn’t that fun.

But I’m still glad we did it.

Right now, we’re watching a series on Netflix called The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, a show about a woman named Kimmy who spent fifteen years in a bunker as the kidnapped hostage of a crazed cult leader. She’s now living her best life with her gay roommate, Titus, in a sketchy area of New York City.

This conversation between Kimmy and Titus in Season 4 really got to me:

“TITUS: Hey, do you ever wonder how your life might’ve been different if you’d never gotten in that van? I mean, just one little moment, —if you—

KIMMY: No. There’s no point. I’ve been through a lot of terrible stuff that I wish had never happened. But I still have to believe that this is where I’m meant to be, because if i didn’t... ...I’d go crazy.

”

— The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I have to believe that this is where I’m meant to be, too. In fact, it is exactly where I’m meant to be.

One stalk of lucky bamboo signifies simplicity and a meaningful life. That’s what Copper Coin showed me. My year-long coffeehouse experience showed me that what I really want, deep down, is simplicity and a meaningful life.

I read recently that people tend to define success primarily through the meaning and purpose they derive from their lives. Purpose is forward-thinking and is closely linked to goal-setting, whereas meaning is how you view your past. The dead bamboo represents my past, a past I view with enormous gratitude.

On the last day at Copper Coin, at 3:00 PM, just as we locked the doors for the very last time, the song Closing Time by Semisonic played over our speaker system. This line rings true even now: “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.”

And so it goes.

And so here we are…a new beginning.

P.S. I didn’t bring the lucky bamboo home. That’s some bad ju-ju right there. :)

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What if Success is About What You Have to Leave Behind?

The Words We Use

If you’ve ever studied another language, you know that words that are familiar to us in our own language, often mean something different in the language we’re learning.

In Spanish, for example, the word PIE does not mean delicious Thanksgiving dessert. It means FOOT.

SOPA, though it sounds like our word for SOAP, actually means SOUP.

And EMBARAZADO, contrary to popular opinion, doesn’t mean EMBARRASSED, but PREGNANT.

You can see how you could easily get into trouble misrepresenting any of these words in normal conversation. Things could get awkward fast.

Like, “ Mmmm…No puedo esperar poner un tenedor in ese PIE hermoso.”
Translation: “Mmmm…I can’t wait to put a fork in that beautiful FOOT.”

Or

“Esta SOPA es tan deliciosa. Voy a comerla todos los dias.”
Translation: “This SOAP is so delicious: I’m going to eat it everyday.”

Or

Ella esta EMBARAZADA porque se cayo de la cama anoche.
Translation: She is PREGNANT because she fell off the bed last night.

Is that how that works? I had no idea!

But there are some words, that even though they don’t mean what you think they SHOULD mean, nevertheless, have interesting hidden meanings.

In Spanish, the word for SUCCESS is EXITO. Sounds a lot like our English word for EXIT, doesn’t it? And I don’t think that’s a coincidence. There’s something beautiful about walking out from some dark space and through that wide door with the glowing EXIT sign suspended over it and into the wide, bright world of something better.

SUCCESS

Success means something different to different people. There is no one definition. Asking “What does success mean to you?” is like asking someone what “family” means or even something as mundane as “vacation.” Our definitions are different because our values are different.

I love the imagery of thinking about success in terms of what you want to leave behind. Closing that metaphorical door can be a thought-provoking, visual example of what it means to move forward after loss, oppression, or a simple change in circumstances.

What we carry with us might be heavy. There’s a strong chance that burden won’t fit through the door anyway. We need to shed it before we can move toward our ultimate calling.

Don’t cross the threshold until you’ve dropped the mantle of self-doubt, comparison, and envy. No matter your definition of success, these three things can have no part in it. I know I’m preaching to the choir—I’m actually preaching to myself—because self-doubt, comparison, and envy follow me everywhere I go.

Today’s the day that I tell them I’m leaving them behind for good!

You probably have conflicting emotions over what you’re leaving behind, too. Welcome those feelings for what they are: a visceral response or reaction to a moment in time. Time moves. And so do you. You won’t always feel the way you do right now.

Leave behind the scarcity mindset that threatens to jeopardize what you want most. As Aaron Burr so famously said at the end of Hamilton the musical, “the world was wide enough for both Hamilton and me.”

And you.

Yes, the world is big enough for all of us, and your success does not threaten mine—and vice versa.

The last thing to leave behind is ungratefulness. I say this only because even painful experiences have value. To discount those experiences is an insult to everyone who has ever overcome a difficult situation and used it to do something great. In fact, many (dare I say most?) of the people we venerate as successful have overcome unimaginable hardship to achieve their goals.

What’s Next

If you’ve been following this blog for the last year, then you know that in October 2021, my husband and I purchased a coffee shop in town. This summer, we made the difficult decision to close it. Our last day was September 3rd. We live in a society that often elevates the entrepreneur who keeps going despite evidence to the contrary. For us, the decision was difficult and fraught with emotion, made easier only because we knew we would be able to sell both the business and the assets. That dream died three hours before our scheduled closing last week. I have so many questions, not the least of which is “Why?” and “What is the purpose of this?” We closed the business because it demanded something from our family we weren’t willing to give. And whether or not anyone else understands that doesn’t really matter. We have peace about what we left behind. I can’t say I haven’t struggled over the last month with the meaning of both success and failure. Ultimately, however, I came to the conclusion that when I get to the end of my life and plot the important points along the timeline of my journey, this experience will be just that—a dot on the page—something we tried and did and learned from and ultimately left behind.

For what?

That remains to be seen. To say I’m a bit emotional is an understatement.

Fun Fact: The Spanish word for emotional is not EMOCIONADA. That word actually means EXCITED.

And it IS exciting to start something new. Yo estoy emocionada! (I am excited!)

Do you agree? If so, let’s take a journey toward “better” together.

Apathy: What to do When Work Feels Meaningless

First, let’s talk about work.

In Physics, work is force x displacement. The formula looks like this:

W=F(s)

In life, work is the energy we devote to making a difference in our homes, businesses, or communities.

But when we feel like we’re devoting a lot of energy with little or no return on that investment, the work feels meaningless. We begin to wonder if the work we’re doing is making a difference at all. And when we’re the ones who feel displaced, something is terribly wrong.

The pandemic has exacerbated our felt need for meaningful work by shifting focus (and resources) to essential frontline workers.

If you’re not an essential worker, your business might have taken a real hit this year. Many people experienced layoffs, furloughs, and resource allocations.

It seems like everyone these days is thinking about work—how to get a job, keep a job, or make their job impervious to future challenges.

I get it.

Even though I’m “just” a mom, I’ve been getting questions about work my whole life.

“What do you do?” I’m often asked. Or sometimes, this one, masked with politeness, “Do you work outside the home?”

The repetitive nature of household work combined with a feeling that your value is being taken for granted every single day can make even the most doting mom feel apathetic.

Parenting is like taking a ride on an emotional roller coaster. One second you’re on top of the world. The next, you’re in the pits of despair. Exhilarating highs and sorrowful lows eventually bring on emotional fatigue.

Emotional fatigue takes a toll, and the result isn’t pretty; it’s apathy—that sinking feeling that everything is meaningless.

I never thought of myself as an apathetic person, even though I did use phrases like “I couldn’t care less” and “Whatever” a lot as a teenager.

That was pretend.

I was just acting like I didn’t care, when in fact I cared very much—about everything—but I wrongly assumed that looking cool had something to do with giving off an air of aloofness.

Eye rolls, hair flips, and sighing were all just part of the act.

Real apathy—I didn’t experience that until I became a mom.

It’s bad manners not to tell mothers they have the most important job on earth, but given what’s actually practiced, it is hard for mothers to believe this is true.

My friend Jen once told me, “It’s not hard to be a mom; it’s hard to be a mom in a world that doesn’t value motherhood.”

The writer of Ecclesiastes felt this way, too.

“Yet when I survey all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.”

— Ecclesiastes 2:11

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A recent article in the Harvard Business Review aptly titled “What to do When Work Feels Meaningless” outlines some helpful strategies, which include empowering yourself with small actions, participating in something called “job crafting” and imagining a more purposeful future.

Let’s simplify.

Whenever you begin to dread the work you’re doing, you need to ask yourself two questions:

1) What do I want most?

This question is important because it acts like a gauge for assessing if where we are is serving as stepping stone or a stumbling block to helping us get where we want to be. Also—and this cannot be discounted—we can inadvertently sabotage our own future by prioritizing what we want now over what we want most or even by refusing to think about what we want at all. Both are choices, and both can be dangerous.

2) And why am I doing this?

WHY might be my very favorite question of all time. It’s the one two year-olds ask when told it’s time for bed. Heck, it’s the one two year-olds ask when we tell them anything. But just because we’re all grown up doesn’t mean we shouldn’t ask why. We should NEVER, ever stop asking this question.

As Viktor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning, so aptly mused, “Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'.”

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“Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how.’””

— Viktor Frankl

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Learning to make meaning from our life stories may be the most indispensable but least understood skill of our time. Paul Wong, a meaning researcher in Toronto, calls meaning making “the best kept secret to the greatest human adventure.” (Adapted from Life is in the Transitions by Bruce Feiler)

Humans have a unique ability to live in the present while simultaneously remembering the past and envisioning the future. Being able to do this gives us a real-time view of the over-arching theme of our lives.

When I realized what I wanted my life to look like, I was able to craft a story I could live with.

I know what you must be thinking: What do you do when you realize the life you envisioned doesn’t match the one you’re living? When the friend dies or the kids haven’t met your expectations or the husband walked out on you?

The only way to survive suffering is to find meaning in it.

The. Only. Way.

Frankl also said, “Our need for meaning is greatest when life is harshest.”

We must bring our own meaning to the story we’re living.

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The Role of Imagination, Discipline, and Gratitude

1. Imagine your preferred future. Make an effort to stay connected to whatever work you gave up. I studied Biology in college. Although I may never work as a scientist, I recently subscribed to Scientific American Magazine. The articles are interesting, and every month I’m inspired to think about the world’s problems in new, creative ways. Problems I can actually do something about! Small steps in the direction of our dreams prepare us for what’s next.

2. Discipline yourself. We can wake up every morning obsessing over all the things that have to be done—the minutiae that preoccupies our waking hours—or we can decide that today is the day we do something different. When I was a young mom with small children, I often woke up tired. Before my feet hit the floor, I would already be dreaming of how I could squeeze in a nap later in the day. This attitude set me up for disappointment. Sometimes I got the nap, but often I didn’t, so not only was I tired…but also frustrated. And worse—I didn’t get anything done! Decide what you will do today and make a plan for getting something done. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, just a “some”thing.

3. Practice gratitude. Give thanks for the work you’ve been given. The work of your hands is never offered in vain. Remember, no work (no matter how small) is ever wasted. Your perspective makes all the difference. I can grumble about the things that annoy me (i.e. unloading the dishwasher for the 100th time) or give thanks for the opportunity to serve my family.

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Above all else, remember that the story you’re living doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s. Jealousy is counterfeit flattery. It’s an insult to everything that person has experienced, suffered, worked for, and failed at.

“And I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person’s envy of another. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.”

— Ecclesiastes 4:4

The work you do is important for the sole reason that it belongs to you.

Want more good stuff?

Tune in next week for Part 3 of our series: We’ll be talking about Insignificance and the battle to stay relevant.

Don’t miss a thing!

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