I started Mission Driven Woman in 2018, in response to the behavior I was seeing in my friends’ lives. Educated, well-connected women were struggling to communicate their value in a world that shrugs off motherhood. They told themselves that duty called and then expressed regret over the talent and skills that suddenly seemed dormant, if not dead.
But we all know that dormant doesn’t mean dead.
In plants, dormancy is closely associated with environmental conditions. Some grasses go dormant in winter in order to conserve water and nutrients. Scientifically speaking, dormancy describes a state of quiet rest.
Do I even have to tell you about all the studies that have been done touting the importance of both quiet and rest?
Funny thing: I’ve yet to meet a mother who gets to enjoy an abundance of QUIET or REST.
You know what that means? We’re not dormant!
I think women go through a process of transformation akin to something that’s common in the insect world: holometabolism. You probably know it as metamorphosis. Insects such as butterflies, beetles, and bees undergo this common and complicated form of maturation.
Inside the cocoon of a butterfly, for example, the caterpillar is broken down and turned into something new. A caterpillar disintegrates from the inside out, using digestive juices to literally consume its own body. The new cells it creates are called imaginal cells, and imaginal cells are undifferentiated cells that can become any type of cell!
Anything at all! IMAGINE that!
Isn’t that what we’re doing when we take a break to build our family and raise kids?
We think we’re going to seed (aka dormant), when the reality is we’re transforming (holometabolizing) by creating our very own imaginal cells.
My Mom’s Story
My own mother got married young by today’s standards. She was only 19. At 22, she got pregnant with me and dropped out of college. I had two brothers born a few years later. Our family was very traditional. Mom stayed home and did all the cooking and cleaning, and my dad went away to work. Then when I was in high school, my mom got a job too: She began driving a school bus. And I don’t know, but maybe there were some people who said, “Man, that’s what happens when you don’t finish college.”
Why do you think she did that? Got that job? Do you think it was because it was the only job she could get?
Trust me—she didn’t drive the school bus because that’s all she could do. She drove it because it was one of the choices available to her in that season of life.
Hard choices require us to access our values.
My mom drove the bus so she could have the flexible schedule of someone who worked for the school system. She drove the bus so our family could have access to health insurance while my dad transitioned into new work that would challenge him in new ways and also afford our family additional opportunities for both education and recreation.
Then, in 2000, with her kids finally all grown up and graduated from high school, my mom started a new adventure in a response to a problem my dad shared with her. At the time, he was a lobbyist for a trade association of child welfare organizations, and during the legislative season, he spent the majority of his day tracking down government notices at the state Capitol.
Together, they created an electronic tracking system that freed up time and space at the Capitol for not only my dad, but all lobbyists. This technology did not exist before my parents created it! Now my dad is retired, and my mom still runs the business, adding new clients and continuing to innovate every year for a more streamlined process.
I’m quite certain my mom didn’t lay on the grass as a little girl, stare up at the clouds, and daydream about being a lobbyist.
But one thing I do know: She did have dreams.
And no one but her will ever know “what might have been.”
Nothing Wasted
Don’t let what might have been haunt you. No experience is ever wasted. We get to take our dreams as inspiration, then use our very own “imaginal cells” to turn what’s in our brains into something usable and totally brand new.
We live in a time of incredible prosperity and creativity, when it’s entirely possible to create brand news ways not only of earning money but of serving the world.
Ask yourself: Who do I want to become during this uncertain time? In this season, what choices are available to me?
For many women who dreamed of becoming something different than what they are today, the future can feel hopeless because the present is tinged with loneliness, apathy, and insignificance.
I don’t want that for you.
Remember: a season is just a season. All living things go through periods that feel like death.
Renewal awaits.
This week, look out for three short blog posts that are all about combating those feelings inadequacy. I promise you won’t be disappointed.