emotional intelligence

It’s Okay to be a Crybaby

During the month of March, we’re continuing our series on women’s issues. Some formatting may be lost if you received this post via email. To get the full experience, please visit my website here.


Women cry more than men.

You heard it here first.

Just kidding.

No one needs to tell you that women cry more than men. Women have often been accused of being the “weaker” sex, the more “emotional” sex,

But is crying necessarily a BAD thing?

When was the last time you cried?

I’m the kind of girl who cries twice a year.

I’m not proud of it. It’s probably due to an emotionally repressed childhood.

Studies show that most women cry an average of 5.3 times per month, while most men cry an average of 1.3 times per month. I found these stats hard to believe—for both men and women, that sounds like a lot of crying to me—but the American Psychological Association defines crying as anything from moist eyes to full-on sobbing. By that definition, my tears are probably more in line with the average. I’m especially a sucker for a book with a sad ending. (I wish I could list them here because I count sad books among my favorite books of all, but I don’t want to spoil anything for you.)

I’ve always admired people who could cry with abandon, who cared not what others thought, but just let the tears roll freely down the cheeks. As I get older, I’m trying not to fight that stinging feeling at the edge of my eyes. I’m trying to be more present in my body, to allow myself to feel what I feel.

Tears, like good sleep and nourishing food, have a myriad of health benefits. Tears (even those associated with sadness) actually boost mood, promote empathy, and reduce aggression (by 43%!!). Not only that but tears contain salt, and salt heals.

What is this saty discharge? Jerry asks Elaine.

The Healing Properties of Tears

The antibacterial and antifungal properties of our tears have the ability to make us feel better both physically and emotionally. Tears help us self-regulate, and because tears contain oxytocin and endorphins, crying (especially during times of distress) can help reduce pain.

I used to think that I couldn’t cry unless I was literally breaking. Stress can do that to a person. And I think that especially women with young families are prone to breaking. My first daughter cried a lot when she was a baby. I suspected she had colic, and then someone told me that the definition of colic is when the baby is crying, and you are too. Check and check.

We don’t need to cry just because we are sad or because we got a papercut. If crying is this good for you, then cry when you see something beautiful, when awe overwhelms you, when love bubbles up in your chest and you cannot contain it, when gratitude fills your heart, and when thanksgiving spills out.

Cry your little eyes out and feel better. And don’t let anyone make you feel bad because you’ve already cried 5.3 times this month. Or I don’t know. Let them make you feel bad. And cry about that, too. It’s good for you!

Tell me what makes you cry. I read every reply, and I’d love to know!

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Hey You, Is Your Life GOOD?

Jonathan Fields, host of The Good Life Project podcast, always ends conversation with guests with this question:

“How do you define the ‘good life?’ What does a ‘good life”’look like to you?”

Human science expert Brene Brown answered, “ A good life happens when you stop and are grateful for the ordinary moments that so many of us seem to steamroll over to try to find those extraordinary moments. To me, my good life is soccer practice and carpool line. And tuck-ins. And date night. That’s the good life for me. And knowing it’s good. Acknowledging and stopping and saying that it’s good.”


What’s interesting to me is what she didn’t say.

No mention at all of being grateful to write six New York Times best-selling books, host two podcasts, or hold a research fellowship at the University of Houston. She didn’t have to say that she’s the premier voice for courage and empathy. Those are the things that define her work.

And her life is not defined by her work.

The good life is all these little things.
Easily within reach of any one of us.

And this isn’t new information. Kurt Vonnegut once said, “Enjoy the little things in life because one day you’ll look back and realize they were the big things.”

(***We all nod our heads and murmur in agreement. ****)

Some things we have to discover on our own.

It’s our experience that changes how we perceive the present.

As I sit here writing this, my new kitten is basking in a patch of sunlight, and my other kitten is nestled against my back and the chair. They both got so excited when I opened a package of treats earlier today.

I started thinking about my own small things journey.

  • Walking out of a cold building and into the hot August sun (am I the only one that loves that?)

  • A surprise thundershower this afternoon that brought with it a cool breeze.

  • Finding a bag of my favorite chips hidden in the pantry.

  • A package waiting for me on the front porch.

Dr. Brown said we should stop and acknowledge that it’s good.

And this is where I struggle.

Because when I’m in a big room and someone asks me about my life, these little things sound pathetic when I say them out loud. And I know that’s a “me” problem, not a “them” problem. I’m the one who needs to come to terms with my good life.

It really is so, so good.

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