A Maxim for Today's World: Only the Essentials

Know thyself.

It’s one of the world’s most well known and oft-quoted maxims.

Oddly, and ironically, “know thyself” implies a certain amount of self-distancing, incomprehensible in this season of social distancing. And yet our distance from other people has also enabled us to see ourselves anew.

Who am I—REALLY?

Raise your hand if you had big plans during quarantine either to do something differently or to be something different.

Yeah, me too!

And yet, here we are, two months into this thing, and guess what? I’m the SAME person I was before quarantine!

Here’s what I’ve learned:

There’s a difference between what’s real and what’s ideal.

I’m basically a procrastinator at heart.

All those plans to get months ahead on blog content? Phhbttt! (Didn’t happen). Because I like to put things off. I’m easily distracted. I have a lot of interests. And in the absence of a hard deadline, I’ll gladly refinish an antique table or sit on the couch and read a book.

And besides, who is going to know if I stay in my pjs all day? Like you, I’m not going anywhere.

There’s a difference between what you know and what you do.

I hate homeschool.

My kids attend a hybrid school, which means they’re at school two days a week (sometimes three, If there’s labs or club meetings) and home the other days. Having them home everyday has been a challenge. I like having everybody at home, but let’s be honest—they are not getting the education they would be getting if they had those days at school with a real teacher.

There’s a difference between common sense and common practice.

I need to be with people.

In addition to all the obvious reasons why people need to be around other human beings, there’s the other less obvious ones, which you know are exacerbated if you’ve had a loved one in the hospital during this season. We need someone to keep us accountable, we need someone to ask hard questions, we need people in our lives we can trust, but we also need people who challenge us and inspire us, and I know there are myriad organizations trying to do that in an online space, but there is nothing—nothing—that can compare to wrapping your arms around a friend who has fallen in order to help them stand up.

Common sense says we should keep our distance in order to stay healthy. Common practice says, “My mental health is suffering, too!”

And that brings me to the second maxim engraved on the Temple of Apollo at Delphi:

“Nothing in Excess."

If there’s one thing I’ve learned during quarantine, it’s how to hold my stuff loosely—in an instant, everything you thought you valued could disappear.

In fact, we could probably rephrase the maxim to read:

“Only the essentials.”

“Essential” has become the most recognized word on the planet. (Thank you, healthcare workers! Thank you, food service industry! Thank you, utility companies!)

For me, defining “essential” has been easy:

• Faith

• Family

• Friendship

And not just in the big metaphorical sense—the trite answer we all give when asked about what’s most important to us.

Truly, what is essential? Can you answer that question? When I pondered the first maxim, “Know thyself,” I stepped outside of myself and discovered a hard truth.

Who I am in this season is who I am in every season.

COVID-19 doesn’t change me—at my core.

And this is what I know: The home improvement projects and the aspirational dreams are non-essential. What is essential are the relationships. There’s nothing like a good old fashioned crisis to highlight relational deficiencies. If this season has been a tough one, if you’re beating yourself up over the things that didn’t get done, or if you’re wondering how you can adapt in a world shaped by fear and social distancing, then take a minute to get to know yourself. And ask these essential questions:

1. Who is keeping me accountable?

2. Who is asking the hard questions?

3. Who can I trust?

4. Who is challenging me?

5. Who is inspiring me?

And if your answer is “I don’t know” or “I don’t have anybody in my life like that,” please don’t hesitate to reach out. At Mission Driven Woman, our mission to give voice to the experiences that shape our lives and strengthen our relationships. We are here to help you be the best version of you within the context of a community that wants to learn and grow together.

Do you have a maxim that’s helping you navigate today’s challenges? If so, I’d love to know! Please leave a comment or reply to the email in your inbox. I read every single message, and I love hearing from readers.

Want more good stuff? Sign up below and get my FREE Guide that’s all about honoring your unique story.

Compliance Fatigue: It's a Real Thing and What to do About It

I’m tired of social distancing.

Tired of wearing gloves and masks in public.

Tired of not being able to browse stores I like, send my kids to school, attend church, and workout at my gym.

I’m tired of all of it.

And I know I’m not alone. We’re all JUST SO TIRED.

When I volunteered in hospice, one of the continuing education classes we were required to attend was on something called Compassion Fatigue.

“A condition characterized by emotional and physical exhaustion leading to a diminished ability to empathize or feel compassion for others, often described as the negative cost of caring. ”

— Compassion Fatigue

“I’m tired of doing all the things I’m supposed to do,” I complained to my husband. “It takes so much energy, and even though I’m getting more rest than ever before, I rarely feel rejuvenated.”

It’s not exactly compassion fatigue because I do still feel compassion for others, and I care about a lot of new things in ways I never have before.

“Oh no!” I wailed. “I have Compliance Fatigue!”

I thought I made up the phrase, but there’s an actual definition for it in the Urban Dictionary:

“A state of chronic fatigue induced by having to constantly maintain compliance with the ever-increasing variety of rules, regulations, and processes created by middle management bureaucrats in both public and private organizations.”

— Compliance Fatigue

I laughed out loud when I read that, even though the definition was written for an audience focused on corporate governance and business ethics.

All the rules, regulations, and processes are taking their toll on us. (And a lot of us aren’t even working right now!)

On my morning walk, I was thinking about this. The leaves have just sprouted and you can see the roots of the big trees pushing up through the ground. Which reminded me of a story I heard years ago about the giant redwoods in California. These massive trees don’t have a deep root system. Rather, their root system interlocks with the root system of other sequoias and in so doing, the trees literally hold one another up. They can withstand gale force winds, floods, earthquakes, and fire. They could not survive without each other.

The largest of these is the General Sherman, ironic I know, because that guy was known for the things he burned, not the things he planted. But he was also the one who coined the phrase “War is hell.” And everyday I hear people talking about Covid-19 like it’s World War III, with President Donald Trump even describing himself as a “war-time President.”

And so as I sit here tonight contemplating these last few weeks, I’ve realized more than ever than trying to do anything by myself is impossible. It’s impossible to keep practicing social distancing when you feel like you’re alone.

(I know. I know. The signs are everywhere: “We’re all in this together!”)

But even if everyone else is doing it, the very definition of social distancing means we’re going to feel like we’re alone.

This past Saturday, I celebrated my birthday, and three friends came over and surprised me with lunch. We sat in my backyard next to our outdoor fireplace—six feet apart—and just talked. And it was so good for my soul. We didn’t hug or crowd around each other for photos like we usually do, but we had the best time.

And then today, I drove around my neighborhood and put surprises in a few mailboxes. And the response was overwhelming. People just want to know that someone is thinking about them, that they haven’t been forgotten.

And I guess that’s how we’re going to hold people up during this time.

We can do the big tree thing and quietly spread our roots to nourish the people we love.

The General Sherman is 275 ft tall, 25 feet in diameter, and approximately 2,500 years old, and every year it adds enough wood to make another 60 foot tall tree!

But his tree, the General Sherman, is holding up the other trees in the forest. And that’s what I want to do, too. I will continue to respect the recommendations of the CDC, but in order to keep from feeling all this compliance fatigue, I’m going to have to spend time getting out of my own head.

This is the recipe: Do something kind for someone else.

• Like my friend, Kristi, who texted me a video hug.

• And my friend, Amy, who left a treat on my front porch right before Easter.

• And my friend, Kaitlyn, who sent me some sweet essential oil spray called “Peace.”

• And my friend, Ginny, who brought over fresh-cut flowers from her backyard.

• And my friend, Jennifer, who drove by in her golf cart for a surprise “hello.”

• And my friend, Rebecca, who delivered brownies hot out of the oven.

• And so many other things not written here. I hold all of them in my heart.

There’s so many little things we can do that make a big difference in helping all of us feel healthy and strong.

General Sherman didn’t have anything to say about compassion or compliance, but back in his day he did talk a lot about courage.

“A perfect sensibility of the measure of danger, and a mental willingness to endure it.”

— Courage

Press on, my friends. Press on.

And love your neighbor.

Want more good stuff?

You Can FIGHT or You Can FLEE, but what if you just STAYED?

A few months ago, I started having weird dreams, and I know this sounds far fetched, but one morning I told my husband that though the dreams were kind of scary—not quite nightmares, but still disturbing—I felt like the message was that we were about to experience some kind of threat.

I remember saying, “I don’t think we’re going to die or anything like that, but something is coming for us.”

EEEEEKKKK!

Let me be clear I had no idea that Covid-19 was headed our way. I never could have imagined a scenario in which we would be quarantined in our homes for weeks on end. To tell you the truth, I don’t know what I thought, but it wasn’t this.

My dreams aren’t THAT vivid.

Nonetheless, a threat is a threat, and humans respond to threats in predictable ways. You know these already, but I’m going to list them again here:

• Fight

• Flight

• Freeze

I have to give a shout-out to Chanel Dokun, a certified life coach, who clarified these responses for me.

She said everybody has a go-to response. And that now, especially, a lot of us are experiencing something called “emotional flooding.” Maybe you feel this way, too—overwhelmed, unable to take in and process information; stuck in a repetitive thinking loop, and losing empathy. If this is you, you are not alone.

How are you handling it? Are you fighting? Fleeing? Or freezing?

Allow me to tell you a story:

One gray morning, I was walking the paths along the back nine of the golf course near my house. My friend and I started early, just after daylight but before the real golfers made it back that far. And of course we saw wildlife—birds, squirrels, chipmunks—the usual stuff.

But on this particular morning, something unusual ran out from the woods at us. A bobcat! Or what I thought was a bobcat. I stood rooted to the spot, assessing the situation, getting my bearings, and trying to decide what to do (is this a bobcat? Is he going to attack me? ).

But my companion wasted no time. In a flash, she had circled behind me, grabbed my shoulders, and used me as a shield against the attack.

Some friend!

Don’t worry. We were totally safe. Turns out, the “bobcat” was just a loose Golden Doodle, and it only wanted to lick us to death.

But the perceived threat was real. She fought; I froze.

Freezing seems like the least helpful of all the stress responses. Am I right?

If you fight, you might be able to overtake your attacker. If you flee, maybe you’ll have a chance at getting away. But if you freeze (like me) then you’re only in luck if you’re being attacked by a black bear. In that case, I’ve heard rolling over and playing dead work really well.

Covid-19 is a very real threat.
But it’s not the one that stopped me in my tracks six weeks ago.

My email inbox is making me crazier than my fear of getting sick.

That’s the thing that’s causing the real emotional flooding.

Every single company I’ve ever interacted with on any level has suddenly jumped into action mode. I am getting all kinds of invitations to join them online. And I don’t want every minute of the day to be scheduled with zoom calls and virtual trainings. I don’t need another disclaimer outlining “our response to Covid-19.”

All along, I’ve just been trying to figure out my own response, so I started using the DELETE button a lot!

Can you relate?

I didn’t want to be online MORE.
And believe it or not, I also didn’t want to be online LESS.
I simply wanted to leverage the time ON MY OWN TERMS.

So I made a plan that worked for me.

But the plan that’s working for me isn’t the plan that’s working for everybody else. Case in point: the ice cream I ordered for my nephew’s birthday was somehow lost in cyberspace, and then even though I spent all kinds of time researching the “mystery of the missing ice cream,” I forgot to call the kid and actually wish him a happy birthday!

(Palm to face) I’m the worst.

After six weeks of shelter-in-place, I’m ready to get back to business-as-usual, too. I mean, it’s been real, but let’s be honest—there is no substitute for life with human beings. We may be flawed, but the computers are the real problem.

Did anyone else have this poster hanging in a public school classroom in the 1980s?

“To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer.”

— Paul R. Ehrlich

Ironically, the guy that quote is attributed to most often wrote a famous book called The Population Bomb, in which he proselytizes a dark future as the result of overpopulation.

Fighting and fleeing require a ton of energy. But as my friend Laura says, “Busyness is not a business!” And right now, conserving energy seems like a smart move.

Plus that word—FREEZE— means something else. When you freeze something, you’re preserving it for the future. (Remember that wedding cake you ate on your first anniversary?)

A few years ago, I met this old guy who had lived in our community his entire life.

His motto was “I’m 95 and still alive!”

We loved listening to his stories of the “olden days,” of walking three miles to school and getting there early to light the stove before the other students arrived, of growing his own food, and even building the very house where he still lives today.

But the thing he loved talking about most was his dead wife, Jeannie.

His eyes glistened with tears at the very mention of her name. And she had been gone almost eight years! He loved to talk about how they met and how wonderful she was. In his eyes, Jeannie was a saint.

I remember thinking, “Wow! I hope I always feel that way about my spouse, too.”

Six weeks of social distancing and sheltering in place has provided our family with a lot of togetherness. Families raising teenagers don’t typically get to talk about family time like it’s a family value. But for us—being at home with one another day-in-and-day-out has been invaluable! It is an unexpected gift.

So if your response is to freeze-like me—don’t beat yourself up over it.

I have a feeling that when we are 95 and telling our own stories of the olden days, they will not include how many new clients we got or how many house projects we finished. I think we’ll be telling the story of how we spent time at home with our people, how we talked, and read, and did puzzles and cooked and ate together. How we called our friends and wrote letters and sent surprises in the mail.

That computer quote I mentioned earlier is actually a riff on an earlier quote by literary figure, Alexander Pope. He said:

“To err is human; to forgive divine.”

— Alexander Pope

And I love that because there will never be a time when I’m surrounded by people who love me more than the ones I’m with right now. We can sit around our table and have the best conversations, and we can also face off in our living room, shouting and pointing fingers. We can be the best of friends and the worst of enemies—all in the span of about two minutes!

But I think we’ll all be okay if we can resist the urge to fight or flee.

And just stay.

For the time being, everything else is just background noise. We’re going to mess up. The computer and everything else will get on our nerves. Stay and forgive. Stay and love. Stay and make peace.

I hope that when this is over you can say your people got the very best you had to give. Because the best story is always the one that begins and ends with you.

Want more good stuff?

You Have Permission to Play

Today I was feeling a little depressed.

I got up at my usual time, made breakfast, and sat down to watch the news. And believe it or not, it wasn’t the news that made me depressed, just a culmination of things building up over the course of the last four weeks. Being stuck at home. Not seeing friends. Missing my parents and nieces and nephews.

It’s Spring Break, and like the rest of the world, we aren’t going anywhere. Easter is in two days, and we are smack dab in the middle of negotiating the sale of our house, which has been on the market for the last eight months.

Everything feels unfamiliar and uncomfortable.

To pass the time, I was flipping through this book I bought for my daughter at Christmastime. It’s called For the Love of Paper, and it’s filled with posters, stickers, envelope templates, and cards.

“Wouldn’t it be fun to make little Easter outfits out of the pretty paper for a set of paper dolls?” I thought.

But then I remembered that my youngest daughter is twelve, and getting her to do anything with me these days is a challenge. She doesn’t like playing with dolls anymore, and so I talked myself out of even asking her.

In fact, I decided not to make the paper dolls at all.

And deciding NOT to do this made me even more sad.

Because for years I’ve been telling other parents about the importance of free play. I preach about creativity all the time. And here I was, with plenty of time on my hands, a drawer full of art supplies, and most importantly an idea about something to do, and instead of going for it, I said, “Nah. That’s dumb.”

Free play helps kids learn how to think and grow and solve problems. They’re practicing being grownups years before they’re actually grown up. We provide them with blocks, so they can build houses and plastic kitchen sets, so they can prepare pretend meals for their pretend families. They set up pretend offices in their playrooms and build secret forts outside. They hold “board meetings” long before they ever get a chance to lead a real one. They “fly airplanes” and “drive cars,” all practice for the day they get to fill up the tank and take off on their own.

This important time is the foundation for everything they’ll one day become.

And suddenly it dawned on me: I’m becoming something, too.

These days at home are not wasted days.

What if I reframed my circumstances to reconnect with childhood?
What if I could recapture some of that childlike curiosity to practice things I’ve never done so that on the day we’re free from this self-imposed quarantine I won’t be overwhelmed by all there is to do?What if I used this time to make a plan?
And what if I did it by thinking of it as play?

Time at home is practice, not punishment.

Children live in a strictly controlled environment. Where than can go and what they can do and with whom is monitored.

We use words like “good parenting” and “boundaries,” but let’s be honest—that’s a fancy way of framing “quarantine.”

And yet, kids don’t stop playing.

In fact, most of my friends tell me it’s not their kids who are having trouble with quarantine—it’s them.

The parents are the ones who are struggling.
We’ve tasted freedom.
We know what we’re missing.

And I could sit here and feel sorry for myself and be bitter because I don’t “have anyone to play with” or I could reconnect with little Chantel and just make the clothes for the paper dolls.

Because it’s fun.
And it’s creative.
And golly, I want to.

The biggest obstacle to play is boredom.

According to Harvard educators, you just have to wait out that initial discomfort, which is unfamiliar and might feel scary. (source)

“To be bored” is not a synonym for “to waste time.”

And I think I had tricked myself into believing that all these weeks spent at home were a waste of time, despite the truth that our family is spending more time together, eating higher quality meals, getting more sleep, being more thoughtful of others, acting more generously, laughing more, spending more time in meditation, practicing more mindfulness and gratitude, keeping a cleaner house, maintaining an organization strategy, exercising outdoors, and checking on friends who live far away.

It’s been such a long time since I’ve had to be self-directed and curious. In this over-scheduled world, every minute of my day is planned and accounted for.

And truth be told—it’s mostly reactive. Until now, I have been doing what other people wanted me to do. Saying yes to meetings. Adding appointments to my calendar. Driving carpool.

And now…

Now, I get to decide what I want to do because there is literally nothing to do.

For the first time in a long time, adults and kids get to enjoy free play together.

Free play allows people to develop cognitive and emotional strengths. Free play enhances problem solving skills.

But most importantly, play decreases depression, anxiety, perfectionism, and stress.

All this extra time is practice for the grownup I want to be. I don’t want to be depressed or anxious. I want to say goodbye to stress, and most importantly I want to be ready for any problem that might come my way.

On the surface, making clothes for paper dolls doesn’t seem like it would be practice for any kind of real-life problem, especially since I don’t even know how to use a sewing machine. But that’s exactly the kind of negative self-talk that keeps us from connecting with our childhood.

And there’s no reason why you can’t say yes to an activity just because it sounds like it might be fun.

I’m gonna go get my book and get to work.

Ummm, no not work…play.

Want more good stuff?

Making Easter Special (Coronavirus Edition)

For the past eighteen years, my college bestie has been spending spring break with us. Our Atlanta “staycation” is never fancy, but it’s always fun. As long as we have a couple of sunny days, we’re happy because our favorite thing to do is free—after a long winter apart, all we want to do is be together and talk.

This year, though, Holly is staying in Indiana. She’s a nurse, and the hospital needs her, after all. Plus, we’re following the rules and sheltering in place. When all this is over, I’ll be right here waiting, and I have no doubt our reunion will be extra sweet.

In the meantime, I had to come up with a few things to keep our family busy this week. We might be in quarantine, but that’s no excuse for not making this year’s spring break and Easter week a memorable one.

(To Holly: Thank you for literally being the hands and feet of Jesus during this crazy time. I forgive you for not coming to see me.)

For Your Kids:

I told y’all about the charcuterie board making workshop I did with friends a few weeks ago. This weekend, Make+Do is hosting a virtual watercolor egg decorating workshop! You can join them for a fun morning learning the art of watercolor while doing a virtual Easter egg project with your family! In this beginner's workshop, Wildblumen Ink will teach you watercolor techniques, and after step-by-step instruction, you’ll put your new skills to the test and create a collection of watercolor Easter eggs!

For Your Marriage:

Since our kids were itty bitty, Gavin and I have had a standing Friday night date, and although quarantine means there’s no shortage of time together, I don’t want all our conversations to be spent reliving bad news. Also, when it comes to date night, I’m a little bit selfish. I don’t want to share every Friday night with my kids. Enter the Happily Company! It’s everything you need for a romantic and fun date night in your home, right in a box, so you can kiss your boring dates goodbye. They create unique, exciting dates you can’t get anywhere else and even include a custom playlist and conversation starters for your date.

For Your Home:

I do not have a green thumb, and trust me—I’ve tried. Every attempt at a true garden has been one big, fat failure. And I’ve tried them all—even growing herbs in pots out on my back porch doesn’t really work for me. My friend, Valerie, swears by this Tower Garden. I’m willing to try almost anything to grow fresh vegetables for my family. At first, I thought the tower was a little expensive but Valerie assures me it has truly paid for itself. The garden comes with a timer, so you don’t even have to remember to water it. (That’s what I’m talking about!) You can grow your own vegetables in your backyard, on a porch, or even right inside your house.

For Your Health:

Let me introduce you to Dr. David Lee. Dr. Lee is my next door neighbor, and a doctor of both chiropractic and public health. All month long he is offering FREE (yes, free!)Spectravision health scans. The first time I did this, I was skeptical. In fact, I accused Dr. Lee of being a witch doctor (palm to face). Note: Dr. Lee is a Christian who believes that a good doctor can tell you what is wrong, while a great doctor can tell you why.

SpectraVision™ measures your body’s stress response to over 10,000 substances automatically. It is great for understanding and eliminating sensitivities, breaking the cycle of any chronic pain or illness from emotions, and peeling away layers of the causes of any imbalance. It detects energy blockages which could be caused by parasites, unhealthy bacteria, pesticides, toxins, heavy metals, vitamin and mineral deficiencies, allergens, and areas where your body is weak and/or compromised. It also tests every organ in your body to determine its energy level and how well it is functioning. I know, I know—this whole thing seems unbelievable—but when Dr. Lee could even tell me what I dream about at night, I was convinced. And hey—you have nothing to lose. It’s telemedicine right from the comfort of your own living room, and it really is FREE—no strings attached. Call (770) 973-7533 to schedule your remote scan.

For Your Tummy:

Like all holidays, Easter makes me nostalgic. As a kid, I loved getting a new dress to wear on Easter Sunday. I still make Easter baskets for my kids, even though no one believes an egg-laying bunny is the delivery guy. The plastic egg hunts of yesteryear are out, but since I signed us up for that watercolor workshop I told you about…egg painting is very much IN!

That’s why I’ve got a recipe for you, passed down from my own grandma (God rest her soul). We never spent Easter with her, but no matter, she made these festive church window cookies all year long. I leave out the walnuts and coconut—because hello—I would never ruin a perfectly good cookie with nuts, and the rest of my family doesn’t really like coconut. Plus, my grandma never made them with nuts or coconut, either, so to me, that’s not the way they’re supposed to taste. I wish I had a photo of her actual recipe card written in her own beautiful, loopy cursive…but alas, I think most of her recipes were in her head. And you really don’t need a recipe for this anyway. Just melt a bag of chocolate chips, mix it up with a bag of multi-colored marshmallows, use a sheet of parchment to roll the whole thing into a log and freeze until set. Slice and serve. (Or you can take a look at the “official” recipe here.)

Photo Credit: Taste of Home

Happy Easter Week! I hope you find time to make your own special memories. We’ll be going to digital church, as usual these days, and if I can, I’ll even try to get my kids to dress up for it. Our local gourmet donut shop is offering Easter Donut Decorating Kits complete with donuts, three bags of frosting, and three toppings. If you’re from these parts, that’s another fun thing you can do with your family. And if you’re not from around here, well, you’re on your own. I know I’ll see lots of creative ideas on social media, and honestly, that’s what’s been keeping me going lo these many weeks.

Want more good stuff?

Comment below with your own ideas or leave me a message by replying to the email in your inbox. I read every single note, and I love hearing from you.

Was this post helpful? Forward to a friend!

12 Things to Keep You From Losing Your Crackers in a Cracked Up World

When I was a young mom with four small kids, my days started early and ended late. I’d count down the hours until naptime and then until my husband got home from work and then bedtime. I was a walking hourglass. It wasn’t that I dreaded the days. We had a lot of fun times, filled with moments of learning punctuated by funny things that happened.

Emotionally, though, it was overwhelming, and that’s what made it exhausting. When people would ask what I did and I would tell them I was a mom, it felt patronizing.

Just a mom?

“That’s the hardest job in the world,” they’d say and then walk away.

Sure, it was hard, but it wasn’t…interesting.

Believe it or not, I agreed. It wasn’t really that hard. (I’d been doing laundry and making food for years before I had kids.) What it was, though, was emotionally exhausting.

When Gavin got home. I would fall into his arms, my own weary from rocking babies and picking up toys and putting away laundry. I needed someone to share the overwhelming responsibility of managing toddlers and a colicky baby. (We’d joke that “colic” is when the baby is crying and so is mom.)

And that’s how quarantine feels.

Everyone is absolutely right—sitting at home and watching Netflix isn’t hard when we compare our “war” with the real one that was fought in the 1940s. We can do this (pump fists)! But let’s be honest with ourselves about the sacrifice we are making—our war is being played out on an emotional battlefield.

And so, there’s a few things I’ve learned that have made these days a little easier. I hope they help you, too.

1. Get up and go to bed at the same time everyday.

   I don’t have anything on my schedule, and it’s tempting to sleep in everyday. “I’ll just get up whenever I feel like it,” I tell myself. But getting up and going to bed at the same time sets your body’s circadian rhythm and keeps you from sleeping too much (which is not a good thing). Seven to nine hours is normal and healthy for most adults ages 18-64 years old. Longer sleep is associated with cognitive impairment, depression, pain, and inflammation. Staying in bed longer will not help you feel better.

2. Start the day slowly…and quietly.

   This will set the tone for the entire day. You may not be able to control how the day goes, but you can control how it begins. Whether that’s journaling, just reading the verse of the day in your Bible app, or giving thanks as soon as your eyes open and your feet hit the floor, do something proactively to calibrate your thoughts. I have a friend who sets her alarm to this podcast. She maintains that it helps control her anxiety.

3. Make the beginning of your day about output, not input.

   It is so tempting to turn on the TV first thing in the morning or even scroll through social media. You should be informed, but the news is scary and can cause a lot of anxiety. Don’t let it derail your entire day. Instead, do something productive first. Go for a walk. Make breakfast. Prep dinner. Paint your nails. It doesn’t matter what you do as long as you’re the one calling the shots. Don’t begin your day in a reactive state of mind.

4. Do one thing everyday that acts as your anchor win.

   Get dressed. Plan this week’s meals. Organize the pantry. Any one of these things alone can be an anchor win—even if you don’t do one more darn thing. That’s okay. You did your one thing, so you won today.

5. Set boundaries with your kids.

   You do not have to be their everything. If you’re on the phone, taking a bath, having a cup of coffee…you are unavailable. Tell them they are not allowed to interrupt. If you are home schooling, then make your own “office hours.” These are the times when you are available to answer questions or help with work. The other hours belong to you. Remember, Mommy needs a break, too.

6. Use any extra time to start doing something you’ve always wanted to do.

   Quarantine is a great time to establish new rituals. One friend has a “morning meeting” every single morning with her kids. Another has finally enlisted her kids to help with housework. Me— I am reading aloud to my daughter every night. I actually started doing it right before quarantine, but we’ve solidified the habit over the last few weeks because we’re always home in the evenings. My older daughter is in college and lives in an apartment by herself. She drives home for dinner every night, and even though she herself has never enjoyed reading, I’ve “tricked” her into staying at our house until after I’ve finished the nightly chapters.

7. Plan low cost investments that act as incentives for your life.

   Give yourself a gift. I ordered gourmet soft pretzels as a treat for my family. My daughter colored parts of her hair blue. My son found an iTunes gift card hidden in a drawer and bought a new game. These are low cost investments that bring joy. Right now…it truly is the little things.

8. Be compassionate.

   We carry a collective grief, and the burden is heavy. Please remember your friends who may be experiencing quarantine differently than you. Our friends with kids who have special needs no longer get the respite that school provides. Check on them. Friends who don’t like to cook are finding themselves stuck in the kitchen. Send them a sample menu plan. Our elderly neighbors feel isolated and lonely. Pick up a few groceries and leave them on the porch. All of our normal outlets for energy management have gone away. Work, school, and friendship look different. We’re all dying a little bit inside. Wherever you can, be an encourager.

9. Measure the gain, not the gap.

   We are all grieving loss—missed milestones, family celebrations, and special occasions. But we’re learning how to do new things, too. We’re failing. But we’re also discovering new strengths. Celebrate the ways you have grown as a person in the last few weeks, not the ways you have really messed things up. Give grace where grace is due.

10. Expect the best, but prepare for the worst.

    You want to believe that we won’t be living like this for very long, and so stay hopeful—not that you will be done sheltering in place by Easter or by the time school gets out in June or by the time it starts up again in August. Setting artificial deadlines will only set you up for disappointment.

    In Man’s Search for Meaning, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl articulates the necessity of hope through his time spent as a prisoner at various concentration camps during WWII. He wrote that between Christmas 1944 and New Year’s 1945 the camp’s sick ward experienced a death rate “beyond all previous experience,” not due to a food shortage or worse living conditions, but because, “the majority of the prisoners had lived in the naïve hope that they would be home again by Christmas.” When this hope was unmet, prisoners found no reason to continue holding on, nothing to look forward to. When a mind lets go, so does its body. Don’t let go of hope.

11. End your day with this question: What was the BEST thing that happened today?

    It might be something you did or something you learned. Yesterday, our family walked to the lake behind our house. We skipped stones and took pictures as the sun set. It was the perfect reminder that despite what’s happening around us, beauty is everywhere—if only we are willing to look for it.

12. And finally, live firmly rooted in the present.

    As I write this post, I am already wondering about what will happen this fall. Will my younger kids get to go to summer camp? Will my older son, who is a Senior this year, have a freshman orientation at his college? Will I be stuck inside this house forever? The future is filled with uncertainty and fear. Again, I’m reminded about what it was like to have little kids in the house, and how we survived those long days mostly spent putting out fires. I could not imagine the day when my babies would one day pour their own juice or go to school. That day felt so far away. But like everything in life, even those long days were temporary. And so is this.

“Faith: an encounter with God that transforms our daily reality. ”

And so by faith, I am taking one day at a time.

Want more good stuff?

Join our tribe and receive the FREE DOWNLOAD—5 Ways to Honor Your Unique Story.

I love hearing from you. If you have found other ways to thrive during this unique time in the history of the world, please comment below or reply to this post. I read every single message.

Less Handshakes, More Milkshakes

How ya doing, my friend?

Holding up, okay?

Right this very second, if you could have any one dream come true, what would it be?

In 2005, a lifelong dream of mine came true.

I got my fifteen minutes of fame on the Food Network as a guest of Paula Deen’s short-lived series, Paula’s Party. On the show, I demonstrated how to make my “famous” cinnamon roll milkshake. The sweet concoction turned out to be a hit.

I became a food legend (wink, wink)..IN MY OWN FAMILY.

Milkshakes are delicious, satisfying, and best of all-nostalgic.

Who doesn’t love a thick and frothy shake on a hot summer day? Or with a drippy, melty cheeseburger? Or just because a milkshake is really fun to drink?

The milkshake is a miracle of modern gastronomic science!

My younger son was just a year old when I made this milkshake on TV. Now, he’s almost 16, and he still complains that he’s never even tasted it!

Can you believe I haven’t made that milkshake once in the last fifteen years?

But lately, with all the talk about the corona virus and staying six feet away from one another, I’m craving a hug, and so I thought, OF COURSE—why didn’t I think of this before?

LESS handshakes, MORE milkshakes! (It’s a hug in a mug!)

The History of the Milkshake

The word “milkshake” first appeared in print in 1885. At this time, milkshakes were an eggnog-like drink made with whiskey. By the turn of the century, milkshakes ditched the alcohol and included flavored syrups, such as vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry. In 1911, Hamilton Beach invented a drink mixer that was adopted by soda fountains, making milkshakes easier than ever to make. In 1922, Steven Poplawski invented the blender, a modern invention that revolutionized milkshake-making.  By 1930, milkshakes referred to the sweet treat we know today, with ice cream, milk, and syrup blended together.

I think it goes without saying that a standard handshake just doesn’t carry the same je ne sais quoi of a creamy milkshake.

“People who love to eat are always the best people.”

— Julia Child

So…as we’re practicing social distancing and staying six feet from one another in our public spaces, let’s drink more milkshakes and maybe do some other things that don’t require actual touching of people within our sphere of influence.

I’ve got some more ideas using all five of your senses.

Scent:

Nothing evokes a memory like a familiar scent. My favorite are Demeter fragrances, introduced to me years ago through a book called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. With scents like cotton candy, crayon, and grass, you are sure to find something that makes you feel happy and calm. A personal favorite of mine is paperback. But in keeping with our milkshake theme, you’ll be happy to know there’s a whole line of ice-cream flavored scents. Yum!

Just because you can’t go out doesn’t mean you can’t go all out when it comes to freshening up those olfactory nerves.

Sound:

Somebody recently told me that listening to Bach helped them concentrate. There’s research to support this, and I tried it, and yes, it does work. I’m listening to Bach as I write this post, and oh my gosh—the words are flowing! If your kids are home this week working from your kitchen table instead of at their desks at school, try listening to Bach and see if it helps put them in the right frame of mind.

““Bach has an underlying structure and order that is very reassuring in disordered times.””

— Joan Wickersham

Just because you can’t go to a concert doesn’t mean you can’t have a concerto in your own home.

Sight:

Beauty is all around us. A Pattern Language is a book about architecture I’ve been meaning to get, so I’m going to put it in my Amazon cart when I finish this post. What’s unique about this book is that it’s implications reach farther than simple buildings; the methodology in this book has become influential across a myriad of fields, including technology and business. Maybe you love beautiful clothing or flowers or furniture or art. Now is the perfect time to incorporate beauty into the fabric of your daily routine.

“Most of the wonderful places of the world were not made by architects but by the people.”

— A Pattern Language

Just because you can’t see your favorite friends in person doesn’t mean you can’t see the things around you in new and exciting ways.

Touch:

Feel the grass between your toes, stretch out in a chair in your driveway and turn your face to the sun, and of course spend lots and lots of time stroking your dog’s fur.

Just because we have to stay away from one another doesn’t mean we have to stay to ourselves.

Taste:

There’s no time like the present to enjoy good, home-cooked comfort food. Some of my favorites include chicken and noodles, homemade bread, and chocolate pie. They remind me of my grandmother. She’s no longer here, but back in the day we’d sit on her couch and she loved to brush my hair while those things were lovingly baking away in the kitchen. Do you have a favorite that you could share with a friend? What if you traded a couple of recipes a week? Write down the story and share a happy memory. Leave your special meal on each other’s front porch.

And just for funsies, here’s a link to my recipe for cinnamon roll milkshakes. I hope you enjoy drinking it as much as I enjoyed creating it.

Just because you can’t visit your favorite bakery doesn’t mean you can’t taste a bit of heaven!

remember: less handshakes, more milkshakes—good for your health and good for your soul!

What are you doing to stay sane during these trying times?

Want more good stuff? Get content delivered directly to your inbox PLUS our free guide: 5 Ways to Honor Your Unique Story

We’ve got a new survey! It’s just 4 Questions: