WINSday on Wednesday--What People Regret in Middle Age

My son, Gavin, hasn’t had a shower in six days.

We have running water, and he’s not in some kind of weird contest to see how long you can go without a shower.

He’s on a month-long cross country road trip.

And he’s sleeping in his car.

This is 18.

And he can do it because the comfortable, predictable summer he had planned got canceled.

So he pivoted.

How many times in your life have you wished for a new adventure?

Did you pay attention to that still, small voice? Or did you say,


“Not now.?“
”Not yet.”
”The timing Isn’t right.”
”One day…”

If you’re reading this blog and you’re my age, you may be thinking I’m a bad mom for allowing my son to go on a trip like that unsupervised. Maybe you think it’s reckless to live off of peanut butter and tortillas and park your car in Walmart parking lots and shower once a week at truck stops.

Trust me—I know how crazy it sounds.

Because I know what middle age looks like. And what people regret once they get here.

You may be familiar with Bronnie Ware’s “Top Five Regrets of the Dying.” The number one regret of people who are dying is: “I wish I’d had the courage to live the life true of myself, not the one others expected of me.”

Recently, I discovered a new article called “Top Eight Regrets of Middle Age.” The author thought it would be interesting to discover what people regret while they are still young enough to be able to do something about it. I often think of regret and happiness on two ends of linear continuum (X-axis). You would think that as people age (the Y-axis), happiness would decrease. But that’s not what happens at all. Interestingly, happiness in adulthood decreases until middle age, and then begins to rise again.

Scientists have found that people are most unhappy at age 46—my exact age!

So what do middle aged people regret the most?

Foremost, they regret not doing the “right” thing when someone died. And I can understand that sentiment. The grave approaches faster than we want to admit, and so when we are confronted with death, it is awkward, and we fumble, and also we’re just not ready, so it’s easy to put off reconciliation.

Nextt, middle aged people regret spending too much time worrying and being afraid and not having enough adventure.

And I know this is true, too. We watch the news. We consume social media. Fear is real and far-reaching.

It makes me so happy to see my son going out on his own. He’s not afraid of anything! And sure, he’s 18, and so he, too, is a product of his age. Teenagers are known for their invincibility. But I don’t think an adventurous spirit and an invincible attitude are the same thing. You can have a whole lot of fun without being a reckless jerk.

None of us should grow old regretting that our lives didn’t have enough adventure in them.

We live in a time where everywhere we turn someone is telling us to “BE SAFE.”

In this season of social distancing, we have more time than ever before to try something new. What you choose to do may not be physical. Few of us have the resources to take a cross-country road trip. And no one is asking you to eschew the responsibilities you have. Adventure doesn’t have to be wasted on the young. The landscape of our mind’s eye can be just as interesting.

Is there a project you’ve been wanting to tackle?
A person you’d like to mee?
A book you’d like to write?
An idea you’d like to bring home?

This is the perfect time to stop waiting. Now, more than ever, people are more generous and kind. And while you may think your opportunities are limited because what’s available looks a lot different than it did a year ago, I really think there has never been a more exciting time to be alive. It’s exciting precisely because we have to be more creative and more resourceful. People are hungry for connection. They are hungry for something that feels new and alive.

You know how they say sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can move forward. We are In the trough of the u-bend. There’s nowhere to go but UP.

Are you ready?

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