Maybe the Best Reason Ever to Be Self Employed

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The Hurkle Durkle.

 It sounds like a funky dance move from the 60s.

I first heard the term this week, after it apparently made its rounds in both the New York Times and the New York Post, as well as that beacon of pop culture Tik Tok. And let me tell you, I wish I had heard the term sooner because it’s my new favorite pastime.

“To lie in bed or lounge around long after you should be up and about”

— The Scotsman

The Scots are onto something.

For years, I set an alarm for 5:00 am so I could work out and shower before getting the kids off to school. Gavin often had to be at work by 8:30, and our mornings were hectic. Even on Saturdays, early games and even earlier tiny risers often disrupted what could have been a beautiful morning of blissful hurkle durkling. Fast forward 16 years and here we are, with independent kids, a business we own, and a schedule we control.

Around here, the hurkle durkle is in full swing. (Now, that really does sound like I’m talking about a dance move.)

You’re probably reading this post and rolling your eyes. I will admit that a few years ago I might have read a blog post like this and slammed my laptop in frustration. A luxurious morning lounging under the covers in my cozy bed? “Surely you jest,” I might have scoffed. That’s a pipe dream, not something that a regular person like me could do. Never could I imagine such a life! Surely hurkle durkling was a pastime for the independently wealthy or the devastatingly jobless. Not regular ‘ol me, a mom with four kids, a husband, and a busy household to run.

Around here, life looks different than it did a few years ago. Things just aren’t as busy as they used to be. I have margin for a lot of things that used to be out of the realm of possibility (In fact, I’m thinking of taking up gardening. Pro tips welcome.) Of course, we can’t hurkle durkle every day, but every once in awhile…I mean, why not?

Hurkle durkling is a quiet luxury. It’s like using fancy French soap or sleeping on one thousand thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. Getting out the good china. Going for the crushed ice in your soda.

No need to KNOCK IT. YET.

On a day when you don’t have to get up to an alarm or when someone else is taking care of the kids, revel in your own version of the hurkle durkle. Cuddle with your honey…OR DON’T. Read a book. Listen to your favorite album. Open the windows and breathe in that crisp-almost-springlike air. Anything goes when it comes to hurkle durkling—as long as you don’t actually get out of your bed.

And you don’t need to feel guilty about it, either. With a name like hurkle durkle, it’s got to be good for you. There’s nothing better than a little luxury that costs you nothing. Oftentimes, giving something simple like “an extra five minutes of rest” a fancy name like “hurkle durkle” makes it feel extra special.

For a country famous for its kilts, whiskey, and the Loch Ness Monster, I’d even argue that hurkle durkling might be my favorite of all Scotland’s many contributions.

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From Order to Disorder--The Way of the World

My one year-old nephew was visiting last week. While his mom took a call, I played with him in our living room, and I noticed something that seems pretty common with boys.

They are destructive!

If I stacked the blocks, he knocked them down.
If I lined up the cars all in a row, he scattered them.
If I put the plush toys in the crate, he fished them out and threw them on the floor.

By the end of the day, my living room looked like a war zone.

The scientific term is entropy— a gradual decline into disorder.

Interestingly, entropy is also known as the amount of energy unavailable for doing useful work.

It’s not just little boys who gravitate to a state of entropy.

We do it, too.

The bills pile up, the countertop connects clutter, the closet needs purging, and yet entropy trumps energy more often than I want to admit.

I get in my own way of doing useful work.

When I was in college, I thought my life was really complicated.
All those papers!
Exams!
Sorority meetings!
Roommate drama!

Then I got married, and learning how to do life with my soul mate made life even more complicated.

Then we had kids, and as you might have guessed—I discovered the real meaning of complicated. The family dynamic shifted each time we brought home a new baby. Our marriage, jobs, kids, and other obligations all fought for our attention, and like that stack of blocks in my living room, we didn’t always do a great job of keeping it all together.

As we get older, life doesn’t get easier. It just gets more complicated (and weirdly, also more expensive).

But also as I’ve gotten older I crave useful work. I need it.

But how do I make sure the energy for doing that work is available to me?

I’m a big fan of the THREE R’s—rituals, rhythms, and rest.
In fact, I’ve written about those three things here, here, here, and here.

But today I want to talk about something else….

And I know it seems counter-intuitive to add something to an already busy schedule in order to create more order in your life, but remember—we want to increase the energy available for doing useful work, and the the best way to do that is to do something that actually makes us feel energized.

Here’s How:

Get lost in a subject completely outside your scope of knowledge.

I’m reading a book called Buzz that’s all about bees, interesting to me because bees are responsible for nearly 1/3 of the foodstuffs we eat, and also for more than 350 of the 1,000 medical prescriptions cited in the 12th century Book of Medicines. I have no idea how I might apply what I’m learning about bees to future work, but a deep-dive into a subject in which I know so little is sure to spark creative output.

Schedule time to revitalize by doing something you’ve never done before.

Last week, I experienced a sound bath. Never heard of it? Let me explain—it was new to me, too! Essentially, a sound bath is a meditation class that guides you into a deep meditative state while surrounding you in ambient sound played by instructors who use instruments such as bowls, gongs, and cymbals. For a whole hour, I laid on my yoga mat in a warm room and just let the sound “wash” over me. It was glorious.

Meet with someone who inspires you, not because you need anything from them but because you love their company.

I used to be a part of a cohort of small business owners, but when I ended my business last year, I knew it was time to move on. For five years those women functioned as a lifeline for me, and I miss them! Today, I’m making a pact with myself to schedule a lunch with one or two of them. I love learning from people who are different from me in every way—stage of life, type of work, hobbies, or worldview.

Entropy will always play a role in our lives. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. After all, creativity is often born from chaos.

Albert Einstein’s Desk on the day he died.

See what I mean?

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You Can REST, but You Can't QUIT

There’s nothing like the month of May to remind you how tired you are. Moms and kids alike are counting down the days until school is out and dropping the ball on all sorts of stuff. You may remember this blog post by Jen Hatmaker that went viral a few years ago:

A few weeks ago, I forgot to take my son to church. The church we’ve been attending every single Sunday for the last ten years. The church where my husband is the actual pastor. That church. As I was getting off the exit, Aaron called me and said, “Forgetting someone?”

Whoops.

In my defense, I normally drive two kids to church on Sunday, and since my younger daughter had a friend spend the night the night before, I did have two kids in the car—one was mine, and one was our neighbor.

So yeah, I forget someone. And I didn’t even have time to go back home and get him.

Two weeks after that, I forgot about a club meeting being hosted at my house. I might have begun thinking I was in the early stages of Alzheimers, but since my co-leader forgot about the meeting too, and she’s nearly a decade younger than me, I didn’t feel so bad.

We’re all in this together, folks.

May is filled wth sports tournaments, dances, end of year parties, and tests. Our brains are TIRED.

I was behind a bus on my way home from a meeting yesterday afternoon, and I counted 17 kids who all exited the bus while staring down at their phones. They were zombies.

But who could blame them? If I wasn’t the one driving, I probably would have been staring at my phone too! And truly, I do find myself zoning out at the end of everyday. It’s a conscious effort to keep going.

(This is the quote that hangs in my daughter’s room. She’s a runner.)

“Unless you puke, faint, or die KEEP GOING.”

— Jillian Michaels

I don’t want to wish away May. It’s a beautiful month. We’ve finally said goodbye to winter. The grass is green, the trees are filled with leaves, and warm weather greets us every morning. The key to having an awesome May is the key to every busy season: PREPARATION.

In September, I know that May is going to be busy. This should not be a surprise. I have a calendar. I know what sports my kids’ play. I know there will banquets and teacher appreciation and graduation parties. I know all of this MONTHS in advance. None of it should take me by surprise.

1) Begin stocking the gift closet after Christmas or at least take notes on things you see that would make great gifts. These are some of my favorite go-to gifts for graduates: You can purchase this or this and it will be here in two days. And of course, cash is always appreciated. No advance planning necessary.

2) Plan easy meals: My kid-friendly favorites are these Ham & Cheese Party Sandwiches, Homemade Pizzas, or anything that uses a grocery store rotisserie chicken (Chicken & Noodles, Chicken Tacos, Broccoli Rice)

3) Remember to exercise. This is the one thing you’ll be tempted to drop immediately. After all, who has time to exercise? I say, who has time not to? I love to work out in the morning, but during this season, I realized I just couldn’t do that every day. On the days I can, I do, but on the days that are just too busy I settle for running up to my gym while my daughter is at dance. I can only get in 30-40 minutes, but that’s enough time to do what I need to do. Plus, I don’t feel guilty about wasting time in the car or resentful because I didn’t get to exercise at all. If all else fails, just take the dogs for an extra lap down the street. That’s all it takes—a little bit extra and you’ll feel great.

4) Schedule a day to spend time with friends. There’s a lot to celebrate, but in May it’s almost never about you. Even Mother’s Day comes with pressure to honor our own parents and grandparents and spend time with our children. It’s lovely, of course, but celebrations are important for morale. They give us hope and remind us that we have friends and purpose, and that life is fun. Grab coffee with a friend, go for a walk together, see a movie while the kids are in school. (I did this today and lingered an hour longer than I probably should have, and I don’t regret it for one second.)

5) This post is about rest. It’s about taking a break for a moment when what really sounds good is taking a break forever. As the school year draws to a close and the kids are cleaning out their desks and throwing out all their old papers, think about how you can implement this same ritual at home. This is a great time for you to take a personal inventory of all the things you really don’t need anymore (Say goodbye to all the yucky water bottles and lunch boxes. Say goodbye to all those papers you’ve been saving just in case.). Get rid of the stuff you can see, and then get rid of the stuff on your calendar. What do you want to continue? What is coming to a natural end? What makes you feel alive?

Enjoy your summer, and we’ll talk about next year in August.

See you soon!

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