Christmas Looked a Little Different This Year

Christmas Eve

BACKING INTO 2023

On December 20th, my daughter had spinal fusion surgery. If you think that sounds painful, that’s because it is. Spinal fusion is a procedure used to permanently connect the vertebrae in your spine so that there is absolutely no motion between them. To fuse the vertebrae permanently, the surgeon places the bone graft material between the vertebrae. In my daughter’s case, titanium rods were also placed on either side of the spine, and screws were used to help hold the vertebrae together while the bone graft heals, thus fusing the spine.

From our research before surgery, we knew days 3-5 would be the worst, and the experts were not wrong. I slept in her room every night, setting an alarm for every two hours. She didn’t want to eat, movement was both excruciating and necessary for pain relief, and the lack of sleep took its toll on all of us.

TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS

For our family, tradition is important. Every year, I make homemade gingerbread and marshmallows from scratch. We watch Christmas movies and make hot chocolate, we go to church, and drive around looking at Christmas lights on Christmas Eve. On Christmas morning, Santa leaves a trail of gold coins and miniature candy canes all the way to the tree, where presents are wrapped and waiting.

But this year we didn’t do half of it.

The baby girl was writing in pain, and we never left her side. I felt both sad and happy.

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Sad that Cari Jill felt so awful.
Happy that her back was fixed. (And she’s now three inches taller!)

Sad that we didn’t get to do the things we normally do.
Happy that our whole family was together during this difficult time.

Sad that everyone is older and Christmas has lost some of its magic.
Happy that everyone is older and we can introduce something new.

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Sometimes, loss, as hard as it is, is a gift.

Letting go forces us to open our hands and accept what’s new.

These days, it seems all my friends have kids who are getting older, and I’m watching them try desperately to hold onto the old traditions, forcing the college-age kids to sit on Santa’s lap for the obligatory picture, trekking to the farm to choose the perfect tree, and coraling everyone to church for services. There’s pushback and anger when the (adult) child oversleeps or wants to include the boyfriend in the Santa picture. Traditions that made sense when our kids were young seem ridiculous now.

I love traditions as much as anyone. I want to hold onto them.

My younger son attended college in Barcelona last semester. I told him to bring home a Spanish tradition he could share with the family over Christmas, and we ended up with a Caganer sitting next to our nativity. If you don’t know what a Caganer is, let me just tell you—Caganer literally translates to “The Crapper,” and it’s a figurine caught in the act of defecation that’s part of the Catalan nativity scene.

I know! So weird!

My family was horrified when we gifted all of them with their very own Caganers, but in Catalan culture, it’s not offensive at all. Doo-doo is just non-toxic fertilizer, to be sure, and acknowledging it as such is said to bestow joy and good luck to the household. So yeah, maybe we didn’t get to drive around and look at Christmas lights and watch holiday movies, but we did get to tell the “moving” story of the Caganer!

It was ironic, too, because here’s a fun fact for you—hard core narcotics cause constipation!

WELCOMING THE NEW

Next year, I told all the kids that we’re going to harken back to the days of yore, when they were in elementary school and researching “Christmas Around the World.” I told them all to be prepared to share a new tradition with the family at our next holiday gathering. Our “old” family tradition will be NEW traditions! I don’t know if it will work, but it’s fun to think about how we can keep the best of what we love about the the holidays front and center while introducing something new and different at the same time.

Isn’t that the beauty of every new year?

We get to decide what to take with us and what to leave behind. Sure, there may be unexpected curveballs, and some of them may not be all that welcome. But the promise of new provides hope for a better future.

10 Days After Surgery

For Cari Jill, right now she’s experiencing a lot of loss. She will never again be able to cheer or tumble, and certain kinds of dance will never be possible because her back simply does not bend. When it finally does heal, she’ll be able to begin playing sports again. This year, she developed a love of soccer. Over the next few months, school may be difficult, as sitting for long periods of time in a chair are simply uncomfortable. I already know, though, that she’s glad she decided to have the surgery. Besides the obvious height difference, she is clearly more confident, as her hips are now even and her shoulders level. She considers her scar a badge of honor, and she’s proud of the strides she’s already made on her own.

As her mother, I’m proud too. We’ll never forget this Christmas and the tangible, visceral reminder that the old has gone, and the new has come. We STAND TALL and welcome it with open arms and open hands!

“If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old is gone, the new is here.”

— 2 Corinthians 5:17

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Don't Throw Out Your Christmas Cards...YET!

Eight months ago, we moved into a new house. A lot of people don’t have our new address, so this year’s Christmas card haul was decidedly more sparse than in years past. However, I have noticed that many cards were forwarded from our old address, and these days the post office isn’t as efficient as it used to be. That means WE’RE STILL GETTING CARDS!

And I love them so much.

The Christmas card exchange is one of my favorite holiday traditions. It’s right up there with decorating the tree and opening presents, but it’s also the one that’s most easily discarded. After all, Christmas cards take a ton of time. You’ve got to gather the entire family, set up the perfect picture (everyone smiling!), choose a card, and address the envelopes.

Plus, it’s expensive!

Ironically, the very first Christmas card was sent to directly combat this very issue. In 1843 Sir Henry Cole commissioned a custom card to take care of all the pesky correspondence piling up on his desk over the holiday season. Back in those days, it was considered very rude not to reply to correspondence, so he had this card made and then he sent it out to all his friends through the efficient, newly-formed penny post.

That little card sparked a tradition that would carry on well into the next two centuries.

Nowadays, a lot of people have eschewed the Christmas card in favor of an even more efficient way of communicating with friends—social media.

But I will always be partial to the humble Christmas card.

When I receive one in the mail, especially one that’s been hand-addressed or that includes a scribbled note from the sender, I know I’ve been remembered. It’s a small kindness, but an important one, especially during this season of masked encounters and social distancing.

That’s why we’re keeping our cards out all year. I’ve put a little basket filled with the cards on our kitchen table. Every night at dinner, we’ll choose a card, share a memory about the person who sent it, and pray for their family. Again, it’s a small thing, and most of the people will never even know anything about our new tradition, but I think the ritual will be good for my own heart.

Of course, it’s entirely possible I may be clinging to a lost tradition. Now that I think about it, I don’t think we received as many cards last year as we did the year before that and the year before that and the year before that….

My husband and I always joke about the “old-people” things we find ourselves doing—me, putting on readers before looking at the menu in a restaurant and him ordering a cup of coffee after the evening meal.

One of these Christmases I’m going to wake up and find out that everybody else is no longer sending Christmas cards, but instead transmitting their holiday greetings via hologram on drones that stop in front of our house on Christmas Eve.

If that ever happens, count me in!

But in the meantime, I’m going to be poring over this year’s cards. And who knows? I may even be inspired to send some additional correspondence of my own—in February, or June, or….

Be on the lookout. You might get a surprise this year in the mail!

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What is Your ONE Thing?

Our pet turtle is depressed.

I know this because I googled, “How to tell if your pet turtle is sad.”

To be fair, we are not the best pet parents. The number of fish who have died under our watch is embarrassingly high. Over the years, we’ve sheltered several cats—all have disappeared without a trace in the middle of the night. We also have a Yorkie, and I hear the neighbors tsk tsking us behind our backs because he embarrasses us regularly.  But despite little supervision and a failed attempt at obedience school, he’s still hanging on. Unlike our cats, this little one actually DOES have nine lives.

Sometimes my husband and I both look at each other utterly amazed that our actual biological children have survived under our roof for lo these many years.

When we moved into our new house last Spring, the turtle got an upgrade. He had been relegated to the unfinished basement so as not deter any prospective anti-reptile buyers. In the new house, he got a new tank, a new rock, a new light, and a new view.

We positioned him right next to a sunny window in our upstairs loft.

Oh, how he loved frolicking in his new habitat!

But you know how it is…life happens. I decided I didn’t like the placement of the new tank.
So I moved him.  
Then the light burned out.
Then I replaced the special reptile light with a “regular” human lightbulb and called it “good.”

Only it wasn’t.

The new L.E.D. light emitted practically no heat, and the new corner afforded little view of the outside world. Oh, we continued to feed him and clean the tank every once in a while, but I could tell—our little turtle wasn’t the same.

Until today.

Today I went to PetSmart and bought something called a basking light, and so today after months of huddling in a corner of the tank and refusing to eat, he BASKED on his rock and smiled from ear to red-eared-slider ear.

And it was so easy.
All I did was add light.
But not just any light.
The right light.

When it comes to our own happiness, sometimes I think we make it too complicated. Like our family turtle, we find ourselves huddled under our covers. Maybe we lose our appetite. Or maybe we eat too much. Maybe we stop calling our friends or we ignore our chores. Maybe we procrastinate.

It’s been amazing how much of my life I’ve spent trying to find the perfect combination of friends, work, activities, and hobbies.

But as I’ve shared before we are in a weird season and honestly things are already complicated. We don’t need to make things more complicated by trying to figure out how to make everything perfect.

Sometimes the simple thing is just the thing.

Our turtle doesn’t have a bigger tank, a cleaner tank, or a view of outside.

But he has his light.

The basking light made all the difference in the world.

What one thing might make all the difference in the world for you? That’s what I’m thinking about today.

What if we decided that one good thing could make a good day a great day?

Today I made gingerbread cookies, and the fragrance filled my kitchen with joyful holiday aroma. Our Christmas cards arrived, and I’m listening to holiday music. The Yorkie is curled up next to me as I type. (He’s being good!)

I realized finding one good thing isn’t really that hard because when I set my mind to it, I discover good things everywhere I look. It’s simple. I can do it.

And so can you.

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Tiny Thank Yous

When you learn how to say thank you, it doesn’t just make other people feel good, it does something good for you too. Gracious people aren’t just pleasant to hang out with, they radiate positivity and act like virtual magnets for all kinds of good stuff in life. They know the secret to happiness is expressing gratitude not just for the big things, but for all the little things along the way.

My daughter likes to collect little things. For her birthday this year, she asked for something called Mini Brands, which are exactly what they sound like—mini versions of your favorite brands. She received miniatures of beauty products, food, and candy. It’s just the packaging, so you’re not actually getting a miniature jar of Vaseline or a tiny pack of Mentos, but every last detail of the packaging stands in perfect relief—that is, if you have a strong enough magnifying glass to read everything.

“Everything is so tiny!” we exclaimed. “So cute!” we said as we held each each product up to our face for a closer look. A couple of days later, I found a tiny shopping cart at World Market. Now, our display of Mini Brands looks like the movie, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, only in our version the screenplay would be called Honey, I Shrunk the Pantry.

What is it about these miniatures of real products we find so fascinating?

I was pondering this question when I realized we were also taking the birthday girl and a friend to to PetLand Puppies, this ingenious and manipulative pet store that allows you to “check out” the puppy of your choice, take him/her to a quiet pod, and cuddle that little fur baby till everyone is crying and sneezing and wishing they had remembered to take allergy medicine OR you drop $5,000 and sign up for an eight-year installment plan to pay for the thing. (We already have a dog, so we were not fooled. I see you, PetLand Puppies. I know what you were trying to do.)

I read once that God makes sure babies are cute so their parents will want to take care of them. It’s nature’s way of ensuring survival of the species. (It’s also the reason why they cry—that sound is so disturbing, we’d go insane if we didn’t try to make it stop).

Proof that there’s value in tiny things.

Including our thank-yous.

In this season of thanksgiving and celebration, it’s easy to get overwhelmed.

There’s so much to do!
There’s so little time!
There’s so much pressure to make everything Pinterest-perfect!

I’m one of those girls that stands in awe of the friend who puts up twelve Christmas trees, decorates with live greenery, and embellishes every present with bows and do-dads. I am not that girl. I appreciate her effort. I admire it. I’m grateful for it. Thank you, dear friend, for allowing me to enjoy your hard work with my eyes.

But you know what? I’ve recently discovered that I’m equally enamored with all the little things, too, things that make my holiday special.

There’s so many fun little ways to celebrate the season. In fact, nearly all my favorite things about Thanksgiving and Christmas is in the tiny stuff—the holiday cards piling up in the mailbox, hot cider simmering in the kitchen, homemade marshmallows, a pretty bow on top of a present, decorating store-bought gingerbread houses with my kids, my neighbor’s collection of light-up holiday dogs, snuggly jammies, a crackling fire, special ornaments made by my children when they were little, the scent of balsam and pine, and Christmas music in the car.

Even now, I’m remembering how my kids used to sing, “Oh ho the missing toes, hung where we can see”.

Makes me smile every time.
They were so tiny.
And so beautiful.
And I was so grateful.
And I still am.

Happy Thanksgiving, and Merry Christmas!

What are you most grateful for during this season?

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