Business

The Goal isn't Fame, it's Influence

I lead an adventure club for fourth and fifth grade girls. A few years ago, we asked one of our groups about their future plans. Some of the girls wanted to be things like teachers or doctors, but the overwhelming majority wanted to be something else: Famous. We’ve all heard the stories about how being famous isn’t all it’s cracked up to be—there’s the lack of privacy and the ongoing pressure to perform well, and the unwritten expectation that if you’re famous you also have a responsibility to be a good influence.

Famous icons like Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, Justin Bieber, and Britney Spears have all had major and total public meltdowns. In public interviews, they often lament the crushing pressure fame has placed on them.

In an interview on The Today Show in October of 2017, Selena Gomez said: “You’re isolated. You’re being looked at. You’re being judged. I’m always trying to be nice.” She continued, “I want to be great. That’s genuinely who I am, deep down. But it just seemed pointless.” And in 2015, Justin Bieber said, “I was close to letting fame destroy me.” For years, musician and actress Demi Lovato has battled alcohol and drug addiction, self harm, and eating disorders, in addition to trying to manage Bipolar Disorder. When you’re famous, private battles happen on the public stage. She said, “I get mad. I get sad. I have all those emotions. But I just like to keep them to myself. I don't think my fans need to be bothered with if I'm mad or sad about something. I should just be concerned that they are keeping up with my music or I'm making them happy with my show.”

Regarding Britney Spears’s fame, an article in Vice.com said, “She didn't crumble in isolation or simply of her own volition; she overdosed on fame, and we were complicit in that. We made her the single most-watched human being on the planet and then, gleefully, watched as she nearly died from overexposure. We celebrated her ascent to celebrity and then punished her for attaining the very perfection we demand.”

Yikes.

Who wants to be famous if it means meltdown in any form you look at it?

Influence used to mean something. Influence, according to subject matter expert Dr. Karen Keller , is knowing yourself. “The world’s most influential people don’t merely change other’s behavior; they shift their mindsets.”

Here are some examples:

  • In 1529, Sir John Harrington invented the flush toilet, something nearly everyone in the first world uses today. But before he did that, he was a writer who had a penchant for offending Queen Elizabeth I. We don’t remember him, but if it weren’t for him, maybe we’d all be covering our poo with pine straw like a common cat.

  • Aristarchus was the first person to postulate that the earth revolved around the sun, a full 1700 years before Copernicus made his ideas famous.

  • Sir Joseph Lister was a pioneer in antiseptic surgery. In fact, he’s the reason your surgeon washes his hands before and after contact with you and wears gloves during examinations.

  • Shirley Chisholm paved the way for women in politics, becoming the first African American woman to serve in Congress and make a bid for the Presidency.

  • Most people have heard of Amelia Earhart, but did you know Lillian Bland was the first woman to design, build, and fly an airplane?

  • And while everyone has heard of Neil Armstrong, it was Margaret Hamilton who designed the software that navigated the Apollo spacecraft that took him to the moon. Fun fact: she coined the term “software engineering,” a title that’s usually held by men.

The lesson:

We don’t have to be famous to do great things. There’s a whole bunch of people you’ve probably never heard of who were incredibly influential. Influence and fame aren’t the same thing. Fame can make a person influential, but fame doesn’t necessarily follow influence. When we say we want fame, what we’re really saying is that we want to be recognized for our accomplishments, to be given a pat on the back for all the hard work, for the difference we’ve made. And sure, a pat on the back, more followers on Instagram, and more money would be nice. But what if the impact we make IS all the reinforcement we really need? You probably never heard of John Harrington, but just because you’ve never heard of him doesn’t make his contribution any less important. I encourage you to thank him as you take care of your daily business today.

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Mission Driven Monday--Roxanne Russell

Meet Roxanne Russell!

Roxanne is the Director of Digital Learning at Emory University and the Brains behind Full Tilt Ahead, an academic design studio based in Atlanta Georgia. She holds a Ph.D. in Instructional Technology and is truly one of the smartest people I know. In addition to her professional accomplishments, I admire Roxanne because she's one of the few people I know who has remained true to herself while pursuing relationships and career. I'm excited about a venture she's had in the works for over a decade: A digital program designed to help kids be better readers. And we all know what they say. "Readers are learners, and learners are leaders!" Be inspired today to follow your mission, not the madness. For Roxanne, that means helping kids turn screen time into reading time and thrive in the process. I love it!

Important Links from this Episode:

Read Ahead: A Literacy Breakthrough

Full Tilt Ahead: Academic Design Studio

Candler School of Theology at Emory University

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There's No Place Like Home: Discovering Your Heart's Desire

‘I cannot understand why you should wish to leave this beautiful country and go back to the dry, gray place you call Kansas.’

’That is because you have no brains,’ answered the girl. ‘No matter how dreary and gray our homes are, we people of flesh and blood would rather live there than in any other country, be it ever so beautiful. There is no place like home.’

The Scarecrow sighed.
— The Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum

When I was in college in Indiana, I would sometimes come back home to Georgia on an airplane. The first such trip was right before Thanksgiving in the fall of 1992. I hadn’t been home since I left in early August, and although I loved college, I was also homesick—for a hot bath in a clean house, a hot meal cooked by my mom, and a hot date with my far-away, long distance boyfriend. As the plane descended over Atlanta, I first saw the pine trees, green towers dotting the foothills and then the city, and even before my feet touched the ground, I was instantly transported back to this place I loved.

Early April is a beautiful time to be home. The cherry blossoms and dogwoods are blooming, and I noticed little buds peeping out on all the other trees. Lawn mowers are beginning to buzz, and a few people have begun pressure washing their driveways and decks. Life is exploding all around us, and this week, we get to appreciate it. All of it.

In The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, Scarecrow couldn’t understand why Dorothy would want to go back to a place that was dry and gray. He didn’t understand the places we love are never really about the places themselves. They are always about the people. Dorothy could overlook the deficiencies in Kansas because as they say “love covers over a multitude of sins,” be they agricultural or otherwise. (In Georgia this week, I’m overlooking the billowing clouds of yellow pollen swirling around me.)

Dorothy: Oh, will you help me? Can you help me?
Glinda: You don't need to be helped any longer. You've always had the power to go back to Kansas.
Dorothy: I have?
Scarecrow: Then why didn't you tell her before?
Glinda: She wouldn't have believed me. She had to learn it for herself.
Scarecrow: What have you learned, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Well, I—I think that it, that it wasn't enough just to want to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em — and it's that — if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own backyard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with! Is that right?
Glinda: That's all it is!
Scarecrow: But that's so easy! I should've thought of it for you -
Tin Man: I should have felt it in my heart -
Glinda: No, she had to find it out for herself. Now those magic slippers will take you home in two seconds!
Dorothy: Oh! Toto too?
Glinda: Toto too.
Dorothy: Now?
Glinda: Whenever you wish.
...
Glinda: Then close your eyes and tap your heels together three times. And think to yourself, 'There's no place like home'.

It seems too easy, doesn’t it? Like the thing we really want couldn’t possibly be right in front of us. But what if it is? What if your peaceful, purposeful life is right here?

We live in an amazing time in history, in a world that’s more connected than it’s ever been before. I can talk to my sister-in-law in China instantly any time I want. And for free! My teenage son is in California (without parents!), but I can track him on my iPhone, and my husband is getting his doctorate in Ministry (he’s such a smarty pants!) right from his office desk.

It’s fun to go away and see new things. Truly, there is no substitute for experience, but never for one second think that your heart’s desire must be somewhere out there. It might be right in your own backyard.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
— Matthew 6:21

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Mission Driven Monday--Amber Humphries

Meet Amber Humphries!

The motto at Mission Driven Woman is "Follow your mission, not the madness." It's a joy to meet someone who is fully embracing her mission, and Amber's is "Peaceful Home, Adventurous Life." She is an entrepreneur, blogger, speaker, and singer/songwriter. Amber’s many talents have led her to embrace saying "no" to fear (she's a city girl turned mountain woman) and “yes” to inspiring and empowering women in all stages of life transition. Amber is thoughtful and wise. One of my favorite parts of this conversation was when we talked about success and what that looks like during different moments in our lives. Also, I love the idea of warring opposites, and it seems to be a common theme among the women I interview: Big and Small, Open and Closed, More and Less.

People often say to Amber, “Wow! You’re living your dream life!”

Her response—”Why aren’t YOU living your dream life?”

Fun fact: Amber and her husband composed our Forever We theme song, and Amber sings the lead vocals. You can listen to the song here.

Important Links from this Episode:

blog http://www.citymousemountainhouse.cominsta @citymousemountainhouse
music http://www.jaredandambermusic.cominsta @jaredandamber
health journey http://www.amberhumphries.cominsta @amberhumphries
lipstick: https://www.beautycounter.com/product/beautycounter-red

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Adaptability IS Creativity

Last night we had a bunch of fifth graders over for dinner. The table was loud and boisterous, with lots of joke-telling and talking over one another. Every girl wanted to be the center of attention. They are getting ready to go to middle school, so I guess they are already fighting for their place in the social hierarchy. They don’t know it yet, but it’s not the loudest, wittiest, or coolest who will ultimately prevail.

It’s the one who can adapt in the face of adversity.

I served dessert (a gooey brownie pudding cake with ice cream) and shooed them all outside.

Not five minutes later, the herd bounded back up the stairs. During a game of rainbow tag, one of the colors they were using fell down a deep hole and could not be retrieved. Everyone had an idea about how to get it out. All the ideas, including using a pair of kitchen tongs to reach into the hole, all came up short. The color was lost forever.

Game over.

Or was it?

  1. They could remove a color on the other side of the yard, so that the colors would still be evenly distributed on both sides of the yard.

  2. They could come up with another option for the lost color. (We have a craft bin full of supplies!)

  3. They could play a different version of tag. (Trust me, there are about 100 to choose from!)

  4. Or they could continuing arguing and blaming one another for dropping the color down the hole!

My daughter wailed, “This is why I hate having a bunch of people over! No one listens! This isn’t fun!”

So dramatic.

I used to think being creative and being good at art were the same thing. I thought all the people who could sing and dance and paint and draw got all the talent. It wasn’t until I became an adult and had to solve real world problems that I realized it’s not artistic ability but rather adaptability that contributes to genuine creativity. And creativity plus adaptability equals success. On the playground and in the boardroom.

“Adaptability,” I said calmly to my daughter. Her dark eyes bored into mine. She knew what I meant (because we’ve talked about this before). What could she do? She turned on her heels and walked back down the stairs.

All gifts must be cultivated, and creativity is no exception.

The girls at my house are leaders in their classrooms and on their sports teams. Their teachers love them. They help out with the younger kids, are often picked to spearhead service projects, and usually land extra privileges, like monitoring field day games, at the end of the year. When they all get together, however, everyone wants to be in charge. It can get a little chaotic. I’m a mom, not a referee. They’re not in preschool anymore. Pouting is not allowed. Instead, I want to teach them how to adapt when things don’t go their way.

Leadership isn’t about bossing people around, and creativity isn’t about being able to wield a crayon. They are learning how to do both in the context of play.

The girls stayed outside for two more hours. I don’t know if they continued their game of rainbow tag. But based on the way they looked when they came back inside, I’m guessing they found something to do with the remaining colors.

One bloody toe and a jammed bathroom door later, and everyone went home happy and tired.

I always knew play was good for the soul. There’s tons of research on that front. You can check it out here and here. Are you ensuring that your child can adapt to change? Are you?

It is not the strongest or the most intelligent who will survive but those who can best manage change.
— Leon C. Megginson

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What's Your Kryptonite? The One Thing That Can Derail Your Dreams

Dreams and Regret

Today, I was watching my younger son play soccer and I overheard two parents talking about college majors. One mom said her brother-in-law went to an acclaimed arts school and graduated with a major in Photography. His dream job was to become a photo journalist at National Geographic, but for the last 20 years he’s been working as a paramedic. “He never enjoyed taking photos of people,” she said. “And besides, you don’t exactly find international photojournalism jobs in the want ads.”

Twenty years! There’s a big difference between being a paramedic and a guy who takes pictures.

And his sister was right. You don’t find that kind of job in the want ads. In fact, usually the kind of job we aspire to isn’t found in the want-ads at all. And I don’t think I’ve had a newspaper subscription in the last 20 years, so do the want-ads even exist anymore?

This guy is probably a good paramedic, and he probably says he loves his job. Everyday is different, after all, and saving lives can be very rewarding, I’m sure, but if his dream is hanging out in the African jungle only to find himself forever navigating the urban jungle, I can only imagine the kind of regret and disappointment he feels.

How Kryptonite Works

Even if you’re not a fan of Superman, you’ve probably heard of kryptonite. You know it’s the one thing that strips Superman of all his super powers. I don’t know if I’m remembering old episodes from the 1950s or if this is just how I imagine it in my mind, but in the presence of Kryptonite, I see Superman falling to his knees, unable to move, barely able to speak, certainly bereft of his superhuman strength and his ability to see through walls and that sort of thing.

Sometimes people will talk about kryptonite like it’s a real thing and not something made up in comic books. We all have our own version of kryptonite, the thing that keeps us grounded and unable to move forward. I think the biggest one is predictability.

Choosing safety and security over adventure.
Choosing what’s predictable and profitable over what’s preferable.
Choosing what’s right here, right now over what could be.

Predictability is safe. It’s nice to know where that next paycheck is coming from.

Before the Kryptonite

Do you remember what it was like to be in college? Maybe you were like me, a little naive and a little nervous about the future. Back then, did you wish for a predictable life or an adventurous one?

No one told me I’d probably have to be the one to create the kind of life I really wanted. My dream job was unlikely either to be handed to me on a silver platter or waiting for me to discover in the want ads. So I built a resume based on all the things I had already done rather than the things that were preparing me for all the things I wanted to do…someday.

When I’m in the zone, far away from my kryptonite, I feel a lot like Superman. I can see through walls—or at least I feel like I have a leg up on overcoming the challenges in front of me. I have the bandwidth to outrun the figurative speeding bullets charging toward me, and the strength to tackle just about anything.

Note: There will always be roadblocks on the road to success. Please don’t allow the comfort of predictability be the thing that keeps you from trying something new.

When we do things the same way, at the same time, every single day, our brain begins to work without us even thinking. We don’t have to adjust or adapt. We just have to be. Just like fictional kryptonite keeps Superman from being able to use his superhuman strength, so we too, are paralyzed. I have never felt weaker than when I am doing repetitive work I don’t really care about.

Back when I was in college and I had all those big dreams, I had no idea that I was responsible for creating the life I wanted. I thought everybody just got an entry level job after graduation and then twenty years later-voila—they were promoted to VP level positions.

Sometimes that’s how it works. But not always.

If some UN-predictable things hadn’t happened, like getting rejected from medical school—TWICE—or getting pregnant with my first daughter, maybe I’d still be climbing the corporate ladder. But because something unexpected happened, I shifted my thinking and leaned in. I discovered new interests, pursued new adventures, and started volunteering and leading things that put me on a new path and toward a new definition of success.

Since kryptonite causes pain and paralysis, overcoming it is anything but easy. In every instance I’ve ever had of overcoming my personal kryptonite, (the dreaded predictability), I can honestly say that our family has benefited. I’ve met people who literally changed the trajectory of my life. I’ve been inspired by stories of life change. I’ve created and built things I never could have even imagined if I had remained stuck doing the same thing day in and day out.

What’s that saying?

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
— not Albert Einstein (although no one really knows who said this)

Don’t let predictability get you. Yes, it’s safe. Yes, it’s easy. But I can think of at least ten ways the paramedic could have begun his journey toward photo journalism. And while I want to be one of those positive people who says “It’s never too late,” the reality is for every year you put off a dream the road back to you becomes littered with hazards. Predictability becomes the easy, default moda operandi. Families, obligations, commitments, and stuff make going off-road difficult, if not impossible. When you’re young, you have less to lose and so it’s easy to take risks. Plus, your relative inexperience with predictability keeps you from becoming too comfortable.

Questions to Ponder:

What are you working on that you’re excited about right now?
What do you love about what you do?
How can you make this year better than last year?
What’s next for you? And what’s keeping you from making one honest-to-goodness change right now?

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5 Ways to Grow Your Resume as a Stay-at-Home Mom

I wish I had a dollar for all the times someone has asked me, “Are you just a mom?”

When my kids were little, I got this question all the time. I didn’t know how to respond. What did that even mean?

Am I just a mom?

I wanted to say, “ Are you just an accountant? Just a teacher? Just a dentist?”

I’ve been a mom for almost 20 years, and in all that time I can honestly say that I was never (not once) just a mom.

Sometimes I’ll hear moms say they’re dishwashers and chauffeurs and tutors and short order cooks.

All true.

But they are also managers, CEOs, advisors, and attorneys.

Now I think it’s one of the most useless questions an adult can ask a child—What do you want to be when you grow up? As if growing up is finite. As if at some point you become something and that’s the end.
— Becoming, Michelle Obama

You are not just a mom, although the long days spent wiping snotty noses and changing dirty diapers can trick you into thinking it’s work that will never end.

You don’t have to wish those days away. In the midst of all that has to be done, there are things you can do to bump up the wow factor on your resume.

1) Volunteer. No good work is ever wasted. I spent a decade volunteering at a local hospice, even though I had no desire ever to become a health practitioner myself. Those years taught me how to live well, how to be with people in the midst of their pain, and how to navigate hard conversations—skills I value to this day.

2) Contract a few hours a week. Find extra hours in your day to do something you love—and get paid for it. When I had extra time, I reached out to a mentor of mine to see if there was anything I could do to help her with her own work. Because she was a writer, I was able to assist with research, eventually gaining enough experience to write special features and small articles for our community magazine.

3) Lead something in your community. My husband and I have always attended church. It’s part of our weekly routine, and for a season I coordinated something called Sisters of Support. Basically, the SOS was a network of volunteers commissioned to bring meals to families experiencing hardship in our community. I coordinated the volunteers and supplemented what was needed on a weekly basis by making an extra chicken pot pie or batch of brownies here and there. I was already cooking for my own family, so making extra was no big deal. I led a team of almost 80 volunteers, and I was able to do it all from the comfort of my own kitchen workspace.

4) Find a place to network. I would have gone crazy if I had stayed home all the time. Being a mom is hard work. When my kids were little, I joined my local sorority alumnae group. Each month’s meeting promised the opportunity to meet someone interesting or learn something new. Eventually, I was elected President, and so in addition to the new friendships, I gained valuable leadership experience. Sisterhood doesn’t have to end just because college does!

5) Cultivate hobbies. The worst thing you can do is to spend so much time caring for your kids that you lose yourself. If there’s something you love to do, keep doing it. Just being a mom allowed me the freedom to experiment in the kitchen (I even learned how to use a sous vide), go on long walks (sometimes with a kid—or four—in tow), read books (you can learn a lot from reading children’s books, and I’ve led lots of kid lit book clubs), and practice writing (look, I’m still doing it! :))

Don’t ever let anyone tell you you’re just a mom. There’s something to learn in every season. And even if you don’t incorporate any of the suggestions listed above into your daily routine, I guarantee you’re gaining valuable experience leading people, managing teams, organizing your household, strategizing for the future, and TCB’ing all that other stuff employers think is important.

You’re a rock star! Keep going!

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Journaling as Art

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.
— Benjamin Franklin
The art of writing is the art of discovering what you believe.
— Gustave Flaubert
Writing, to me, is simply thinking through my fingers
— Isaac Asimov

I have always loved to write.

I’ve spent my whole life writing. Unfortunately, a lot of journals from my childhood were maimed or destroyed. And I’m the only one to blame. When I read them later in life, I was embarrassed about some of the things I wrote. Knowing I would be mortified if anyone read the words I penned, I scribbled out things and tore out pages. I know I’m a different person than I was back in those days, but the world will never know about the conversations that shaped my current thinking, the people I loved and hated, and the unfounded worries and fears that colored my early years.

In an old hope chest of my grandmother’s, I discovered one of her old journals. It begins with these words, “Today I turn 20. Gee, but I still feel just 16!” There’s a couple of months of truly boring entries that read like an agenda and then seven full years of radio silence. She probably felt a lot like me—either she didn’t think her life was interesting enough to write about or she didn’t want to remember a reality that was painful at the time. My grandmother has been dead since 1987, so I’ll never know for sure what the 1920s meant to her. I do know this, though. If you want to really understand a person, all you have to do is look at what was going on in the world when they were in their 20s.

Maybe that’s why I have five journals now. Maybe it’s my feeble attempt to be known and remembered by all who come after me. Maybe it’s how I make sense of a world gone topsy turvy.

I was in my 20s during the 1990s, a time rife with terrorism scares and the Gulf War, when grunge was in and the characters of Friends and Seinfeld seemed to be having all the fun. My 20s included the Oklahoma City bombing, the explosion of TWA Flight 800, the Centennial Olympic Park bombing, the Columbine High School shooting, Y2K, and of the course the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. No wonder everyone my age is so afraid of everything.

I thought getting older would take longer.
— Heather Burton


Once as our family was on our way to Hilton Head, our best friends and neighbors were coming home from their vacation in Hilton Head. The kids in our car were texting the kids in their car, making sure that we waved as we passed on the interstate both going 70+ miles/hour in opposite directions. It was a blur, all hands waving frantically out of the car windows on both sides, the kids in our car screaming, “They’re coming! There they are! They are!” But really it was just a whoosh. There they went.

It is the sound of our everyday, as we cook and drive and clean and care for our families. Time marches on, whether we acknowledge it or not. We count down the days until vacation or graduation or Christmas or till the kids are out of the house. "It’s almost here,” we shout, and then it’s gone, and before we know it we are 25 and having our first baby and 33 and having our last, 40 and everybody’s in school and suddenly our firstborn is in college.

I don’t like to talk about getting older because at my age, the trend is to play a game of Who’s the sickest? The most tired? Had the most surgeries? Sleeps the worst at night?

I don’t mind getting older.
I just don’t want to look older or feel older.

So maybe that’s why I write. I write because writing is so firmly grounded in the present. It’s right now and it’s write(!) now.

I write to remember, but also to dream.

In between graduating from college and building my family, I wrote it all down, and apparently (from what gleaned from a recent re-read of an old journal) I was really, really tired. So very, very tired.

Today, I keep five separate journals. They are stacked on my desk, scattered on the couch, stuffed in bags.

Prayer Journal: where I write down a favorite Bible verse everyday and keep track of prayer requests. (I love to look back and see how God answered those prayers.)

Dinner Journal: where I write down what I cook every single night of the week. (Boring? Maybe. But when I’m feeling stuck, I can always look back and go, “Oh I forgot about that recipe!”)

Book Notes Journal: where I write down things I want to remember from books I’m reading. (A book is never a waste of time, and how else would I be able to internalize all those nuggets of wisdom?)

Creativity Journal: where I write down questions I’m thinking about and interesting things I’m pondering from articles I read or people I meet. (This is the one journal I’d be devastated to lose! It’s how I make sense of everything happening around me.)

Line a Day Journal: Where I write down what’s going on with our family, sometimes an interesting quote, or even a note about the weather. (This book is the condensed Readers Digest version of the story of my life.)

It might be nice to have just one journal where I could keep everything neat and organized, but I don’t write in every journal every day, and I don’t fill up the journals at the same rate. Plus, my life isn’t neat and organized so why should the recording of it be that way? My life is messy, but beautiful in all the best ways.

I know a lot of people that don’t keep a journal because they just haven’t found one that works for them. I’ve never understood that argument. We are not consumers; we’re creators. The act of creating a system that works for you is cathartic in itself. My journals feel like art to me, each one an unique symbol of the life I’ve both created and lived.

Multiple journals are way better than my old system—a labyrinth of sticky notes scattered all over the house—jammed in books, stuffed in drawers, and attached to the insides of cabinets. Finding those notes later often left me wondering if I were drunk or crazy when I wrote them. Let us not confuse laziness for art.

Get a journal. Write it down. You are an artist.

It Only Takes a Spark

I love to work out. In fact, I started running on an exercise trampoline when I was just nine years old. I still have one, and on days I don’t make it to the gym, I trek down to my basement, turn on a cooking show and run like my life depends on it. Actually, it’s more of a steady jog, but I’m nothing if not consistent, and this is one habit I’ve been faithful to for the past 35 years. My husband, Gavin, is always saying I need to challenge myself and change up the workout in order to jump start my metabolism and get my body to do respond in new ways. I realized how much I am a creature of habit. Change is so hard!

Speaking of change, I read that making just one small change to your everyday routine can ignite your imagination and make the synapses fire in new ways. This is encouraging news because we don’t have to make big changes in our everyday routine to experience dynamic growth in our everyday lives, businesses, and families.

While my kids are on Winter Break this week I’ve got some time to experiment. Here’s 25 ideas for you, too. I’d love to know about any of your creative breakthroughs, so feel free to share in the comments!

  • Drink tea instead of coffee.

  • Take a bath instead of a shower.

  • Sleep on the opposite side of the bed.

  • Eat dinner for breakfast.

  • Walk the dogs down a different street.

  • Call instead of text.

  • Write a letter instead of call.

  • Turn off the radio in the car.

  • Eat with chopsticks instead of a fork.

  • Part your hair on a different side.

  • Shop at an unfamiliar grocery store.

  • Substitute couscous for rice.

  • Wear bold lipstick.

  • Dance in the rain

  • Put together a jigsaw puzzle.

  • Leave the beds unmade.

  • Take a nap.

  • Wake up an hour early.

  • Unroll a ball of string.

  • Ride down the street with the windows down.

  • Eat something you’ve never tried.

  • Take the bus and go somewhere new.

  • Make some homemade bread.

  • Light a scented candle.

  • Read something from a different genre than you normally do.

Whether you are in a season of busyness or have some down time, there’s something on this list you can try. As I look at the list now, I see some things that would probably make me downright uncomfortable. I always make the beds, so leaving them unmade might cause me more angst than inspiration, but I will never know until I try it! I may feel mildly uncomfortable with my hair parted on a different side, or cold if I’m dancing in the rain in the middle of February. I may find the process of making homemade bread cathartic. The jigsaw puzzle might be infuriating, but the downtime and the intellectual struggle are exercise for my brain.

And speaking of exercise, I dragged myself down to the gym this morning and tried a Spin Class. I was so sweaty when I finished.

Here’s to trying new things and experiencing new ideas!

I’m not a Quitter; I’m an Ender.

Ninety percent of new businesses fail within the first five years.

When entrepreneurs first hear this statistic they think, “Not me! Surely that won’t happen to me!”

New businesses are hard to get going because there’s capital to raise and a brand to build, not to mention the sheer force it takes to break into established industries.

Five years ago, my friend Ginny and I started a nonprofit called Purposeful Play. We had an idea to create a toy company featuring products that represented the real issues kids were experiencing the world. In September of 2014, we launched with a doll and book for kids with cancer. The doll had hair that came on and off and a port in its chest. It arrived beautifully packaged and accompanied by a book celebrating friendship. We dreamed of a world where healthy kids and sick kids could join together with the message, “I’m with you.”

Last week, we decided to shut it down. Hard stop. We ended it.

When we started Purposeful Play, the original intent was to grow the company to address healthy kids, strong families, and safe housing. We wanted to build a line of products that would spark meaningful conversations and get people talking about compassion, kindness, and friendship. But every time we tried to develop something new, we’d run into some kind of roadblock. Either there was already another company out there who was doing it—and doing it well—or we just couldn’t make our vision come to life.

But still we designed new prototypes.

Hired new illustrators.

Purchased new fabric.

Planned new fundraising campaigns.

And our hearts just weren’t in it.

So essentially we said, “We quit.”

And while I thought I would feel sad because I knew the statistics…90% of new businesses fail within the first five years, I wasn’t sad at all. I felt FREE.

This wasn’t the work I was meant to do.

Why would we spend so many years of our one, precious life doing work we don’t love?

Ginny and I will continue to invest in our adventure club, a troupe of fourth and fifth grade girls who epitomize our mission to “equip young leaders and celebrate friendship.” They were the inspiration for our original product because everywhere we went, they were asking, “How can we help? What can we do?”

We don’t need a product to love people well. Through a partnership with See Beautiful, the girls are seeing beauty in themselves others and creating more beauty in the world. (Thank you, See Beautiful!)

What did we learn?

The time we spent doing the work was time well spent. I don’t feel like we failed at all.

I learned that I am capable of much more than I ever thought possible.

I learned that people don’t want to steal your ideas; they want to help you with your ideas.

I learned that when the going gets tough, you will find the right people to guide you through the hard times. The most wonderful, brilliant, insightful people have been the people I’ve met over the last five years as I’ve worked on this project.

I learned what I like to do, and what I do not like to do. And I learned that I have to like what I do. I learned about the work I’m meant to do and the work I’m not. Just because there’s a problem to solve, doesn’t mean I’m the one to do it.

Also, I learned a lot about board development, accounting, sales, marketing, and fundraising. That’s quite an education!

What did we do right?

We weren’t afraid to try new things. There’s 100 ways to sell a product, and we experimented with a bunch of them. Some worked well, some didn’t work at all, and some worked for a time and then we needed to adapt. Yesterday, I looked through five years of photos of kids who had received our dolls. The pictures are precious to me because many of these children live in heaven now. While they were here, we offered a companion, we spoke to their classes and their friends, and we said, “We’re with you.”

What did we do wrong?

We probably should have diversified our product line much sooner, added another person to our team who complemented our skills, and took more risks in marketing and sales.

It takes courage to start something, and it takes courage to end something. I feel like I’m standing on the edge of something new and unknown. I don’t know what’s next, but I’m ready for a new adventure.

Fun fact: 90% of people who start a second business succeed. :)

What is a life? Practice, Plan, Prepare (Repeat)

Every week, I interview a woman I admire for Mission Driven Monday, and every week we ask the same three questions:

1) What are you the most proud of?

2) What are you learning right now, in this season?

3) And tell me about your aspirational future, the future YOU. Who do you want to be?

I have loved these interviews because I’ve learned so much about the people in my life, some who have entered it for a specific season and others who are part of my core team.

During introductions, I talk about some of the big things they’ve done in their lives, some of which are very impressive, but when I ask them the question, “What are you most proud of?” common answers include:

  • Staying the course

  • Persevering through the hard stuff

  • Wanting to quit, but keeping going

  • All the little things that have made me who I am

And it made me think about how we’re all just waiting for that one big break, the big opportunity that will make all our wildest dreams come true. And for some of us certainly there are pivotal circumstances. Some of us are outliers and have met interesting people or been in the right place at the right time, but more often than not, it’s the consistent, daily deposits that have truly shaped who we are today.

All those successes and failures rest not on one big opportunity but on the habits cultivated by a lifetime of consistency.

It would be easy to give up.

Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.
— Bill Gates

Sometimes it’s only by looking back that we are able to see that it’s all the things we did leading up to the big break are the things that made the difference.

I just finished reading the book, Sully, by Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger, the pilot who successfully landed the irreparably damaged Flight 1549 in the Hudson River in 2009. Hailed as a hero, his life has not been the same since that one event. Precious few chapters of the 350+ page book are devoted to the events that actually transpired that day. (The entire flight lasted just five minutes). Everything Sully and the crew did to land that plane was the result of careful practice, planning, and preparation. Not only had he logged 20,000 flight hours by the time he took to the sky on that fateful day in 2009, but years prior he had started a corporate safety consulting firm, and spent his formative years training as a fighter pilot with the US Air Force Academy. All that routine stuff wasn’t routine at all; it was the foundation for the remarkable event that catapulted his life and career into the stratosphere.

What are you doing to practice, plan, and prepare for your big moment?

The success or failure of your own life defining moments will rest on the merits of what you did every single day leading up to it.

Do not despise this small beginning, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.
— Zechariah 4:10 (NLT)



We don’t get our kids when they’re teenagers because we need all those years leading up to the drama of it to prepare. We can’t be the boss at our first job because we haven’t got the experience. And despite really, really wanting to be a fluent in Spanish or a concert pianist, I know it’s impossible without practice.

That’s why what you’re learning in this season, right this very moment, is so important—because when you think about your aspirational future, the future you, you need to know what it takes to make those dreams come true.

Moments make a life.

Ask anyone who has had to say goodbye to someone they loved.

Of course they remember the big stuff—the wedding, the birthdays, the promotions—but it is often the small stuff—the way they chewed their meat or got dressed in the morning that evoke the sharpest emotion. The fingerprint they left on the world was forged through all the small decisions they made, the everyday kind of stuff that’s boring and predictable—and necessary.

Anytime is a great time to begin thinking about what we can plan, practice, and prepare.

Think about what makes you proud. Are you persevering in the midst of insurmountable challenges or feeling crushed under the weight of responsibility and redundancy? What are you learning right now, in this season? And when you think about your future—what’s the plan? Are you prepared? Are you practicing?


Ready to take it to the next level?




The Single Greatest Self Limiting Belief

Surround yourself with
positive people.

Believing in negative thoughts is the single greatest obstruction to success.
— Charles F. Glassman

I used to think this quote was just about my own negative thoughts about myself.

But people who have negative thoughts about themselves usually can’t help but transfer those thoughts to others. I believe it’s the single most self-limiting thing you can do in your life.

You may know someone who does this.

They’ll say things like,

I like your sweater. It’s better than the one that girl is wearing.
He did a good job in that soccer game, but you should have seen me play when I was his age.

They complain about the traffic.

They complain about the food.

They complain about people in general.

But what does all that complaining do?

Phrases like “Could’ve” “Should’ve” “Would’ve” cross their lips at every moment.

And every sentence begins with “But….”

They suck the energy from every room.

They drain the joy from every conversation.

They stomp upon every good idea.

It adds stress and makes us think that the world is bad, when the reality is that our circumstances have little to do with our future success.

Positivity is attractional. You begin to crave it. You channel your inner strength. You create more energy. You become more motivated. You take more initiative.

Even though it seems counter-intuitive.

When we build others up, when we help people achieve their dreams, when we provide a helping hand or a word of encouragement, it does more for us than it will ever do for them.

A few weeks ago, I took some of the girls from our 5th grade leadership club to visit a 95 year-old man who lives in town. You know what he said to us? He said, “You’re big enough to know right from wrong. Do something kind everyday. Say a kind word. Do something. You will need your friends one day.”

Nothing earth-shattering.

Be kind. Be a friend.

So simple.

Nothing does more to limit our own success than focusing on the deficiencies in others.

The irony is that uplifting encouragement does nothing to diminish our own accomplishments. Your achievements will stand on their own merit, despite anything that anyone else does or doesn’t do.

And what can be lost by offering a helping hand?

Maybe time, but time given in the service of others is never wasted.

Maybe a little money, but money given with a pure heart is never missed.

Plus,

  • You might make a new friend.

  • Forge a new business connection.

  • Meet someone who inspires future work.

Spend today seeking the best in others, and you will soon discover the best in yourself.


3 R's: Rituals, Rhythms, and Rest (Part 3 of 3): Rest in the Midst of Chaos

I spent years getting up at 5:00 am to work out and staying up until well past 11:00 either watching TV or piddling around the house. I felt like I was always working, and yet when my husband came home and asked me what I did all day, sometimes I couldn’t even remember. I felt tired and foggy all the time.

So last year I decided things would be different. I started mindfully practicing rituals, rhythms, and rest.

Now, I’m sleeping a solid eight hours every night.

I still work out 5-6 days a week.

I have plenty of time to spend with friends.

I started a company, am the President of a large healthcare organization in North Georgia, volunteer for multiple community agencies, am the room mom in my daughter’s class, lead two Bible studies, homeschool my son, and write this blog.

And best of all, I get to read books I like, watch my favorite shows, and take an occasional weekend trip.

I’m not telling you all this because I want a pat on the back. I’m telling you all this because the years I spent NOT doing #allthethings were some of the most life-draining years of my life.

So how am I getting MORE rest, even in the midst of what seems like MORE activities and obligations?

All that time I spent not resting.
You know what that was about?
It was about my fear.

Fear that if I didn’t then God wouldn’t.

Fear that I was missing out.

Fear that wasn’t even grounded in reality but instead predicated on the * mostly * untrue thoughts swirling around in my own head.

All that swirling didn’t help me get more done. Instead, it just kept me from getting the sleep I desperately craved. I woke up foggy and grouchy, planning when I could take a nap or rest my eyes before my feet even hit the floor.

But it didn’t have to be that way!

That’s why we started this series talking about rituals and rhythms.

Do you ever feel high strung, irritable, skittish, and restless?

Are you always on high alert, ready to pounce?

If you’re thinking, “Hey, I have a dog who acts like that!” then you’re in good company. I have an unruly Yorkie named Hammy. He loves to drive me crazy, barking his head off at everything and everyone and taking himself for long walks when I’m not paying attention.

Hammy is tense.

That’s an understatement.

Hammy needs a nap.

But unfortunately he’s a dog, not a toddler, and he doesn’t understand English. I can’t put him down for a nap when I think he needs one. And I can’t keep him asleep with all the distractions ricocheting around our house: kids and doorbells and kitchen timers and oh, did I mention there’s actually TWO dogs vying for everyone’s attention?

It’s a zoo.

It’s impossible to shut out all the noise in our real-life Animal House.

I saw a friend yesterday who has a a three year old and a newborn. She was headed to the doctor to get some Ambien, because even though her younger daughter now sleeps through the night, my friend doesn’t know how to turn off her “mom brain” and just…REST.

I get it. Rest doesn’t come easy for some of us.

Less chaos + More productivity = More Rest. RIGHT???

You will not find rest just because your kids are growing up.

You will not find rest just because you checked some things off of your to-do list.

Rest takes training and patience. And if that sounds like the same skills it takes to run a marathon, you’re not wrong. I wish I could write a blog post about five easy ways to get more rest. Five simple tricks. People would read that, but I’ve found that most things in life really do take time.

Here’s how:

Remember: Spend time reflecting on what you’ve accomplished during the day. Don’t dwell on what you didn’t get done. It’s what you did get done that makes the difference.

Observe: What do you need to do tomorrow? Get everything out of your brain. Write it all down. This is called the Parking Lot method. It basically means that you get everything out of your head and park it somewhere for later. Instead of making a to-do list. Create a success list. What would make today a successful day? Write down just those things and do them.

Listen: Pay attention to what’s important. Eighty percent of the stuff we think about doesn’t even matter. Heck, most of the stuff we think about isn’t even about us. Listen to understand.

Find joy in the present: Are you safe? Are you warm? Do you love your family?

Our unrest is predicated on fear—fear that “it won’t” if “I don’t.”

But in not resting we find that we’re stressed out, burned out, and just plain tired. We want to quit, but instead we just keep going and going and going.

And that’s a recipe for disaster.

It’s too easy to end up like my dog, Hammy, who is territorial and stinky and just plain annoying.

Hammy has a big bark, but I often find him trembling like a leaf. Really, he’s just a big scaredy cat.

And we are too. We’re scaredy cats in human bodies.

I often tell myself that I’m working all the time when the reality is I’m scrolling through social media or texting friends.

Rest is not the same as avoidance.

Rest is not the same as silence.

Rest is not a waste of time.

Tell the truth about your life—your work and your rest.

Both are planned, purposeful, and peaceful.

Ask yourself:

1) How can I plan for both work and rest?

2) What is my purpose for resting during this day, this week, or this season? Am I being intentional about blocking time for periods of productivity and pause?

3) Does what I’m doing when I’m not doing the most important things bring me peace?

We fear what we don’t understand and can’t control.

Ask for wisdom (you’ll find it—I promise) and release what you can’t control. Even if you’re a control freak, you don’t have to control everything. You do you, boo. Let go of the fear.

I’ll leave you with this quote from Fast Company Magazine:

“No matter how crazy your days get, make sure you carve out and ruthlessly protect just 90 minutes—20% of an eight-hour day—for the most important tasks. “Even if you squander the remaining 80% of the day, you can still make great progress if you have spent 90 minutes on your goals or priorities.”

That’s good news for us. That leaves a full six and a half hours for rest. Use the time wisely.

Ready to take it to the next level?

3 R's: Rituals, Rhythms and Rest (Part 2 of 3): The Rhythm is Gonna Get You

Raise your hand if you’re overwhelmed by all the events you see on your calendar and tasks on your to-do list. There’s so many things you know you should be doing, but you just can’t see to find the time.

2018 was kind of exhausting, am I right? 

It seemed like every day there was another person asking you to sign up for their committee - or even worse, that moment when you realized you already said yes one too many times.

And then there were those days when you were just plain tired, a kid got sick, you didn’t plan dinner, the washing machine broke, and everyone was left scrambling to fend for themselves.

And then of course it seems like there’s always one more email in your inbox, one more book to read, one more course to buy. 

And yet, you’re still left with this nagging feeling of being behind, of not doing enough. 

I don’t want that for you in 2019.

Maybe you felt like you were always playing catch up in 2018, but 2019 can be different.

I understand.

I used to feel out-of-whack all the time. There were a thousand sticky notes plastered around my desk, I had piles of books on every surface, and at least three different journals that outlined my goals, plans, wishes, schedules, and even the weekly dinner menus. I couldn’t keep track of it all!

The good news is you don’t have to buy another planner or program or assistant.

The answer to your overwhelming problems is inside you, and it’s all about finding your natural rhythm.

You may have noticed that animals do this naturally. The morning songs of birds, the foraging behavior of the squirrels in autumn, and the human tendency to get a little blue in the winter all represent the natural rhythms of life. The presence of internal biological clocks is one of the most universal traits shared by all living things, from bacteria to fruit flies to humans (source).  You had no idea you had something in common with fruit flies, did you?

All animals respond to their environments by employing their natural biological rhythms, but we humans tend to think we can bypass nature and do things our own way. Cue ALL. THE. FAILURES. Luckily, the Creator of the universe imbibed us with all the tools we need to survive this crazy life. Let’s take a quick look at how paying attention to rhythms can revolutionize our new year’s resolutions.

Three Quick Tips & Tricks

Visit Sleepytown on the Regular

1)    Get up and go to bed at the same time every day. Oh my gosh—is it another person telling you you need to sleep more? I’m sorry. I had to say it because it’s true. You cannot underestimate the importance of a good night’s rest. It’s the #1 way to jump start your day and get more done. Without it, you’ll feel foggy, sluggish, and irritable. If you want to avoid pain, I cannot recommend this one change heartily enough. And this is coming from a person who used to stay up and watch all the late night shows and then get up at five to workout? Get your sleep! (Trust me when I say I don’t miss the TV at all and as for the workouts, sometimes I still do a 5:00 AM, but it’s built into my weekly rhythm.)

What Gets Repeated Gets Rewarded

2)   You’ve probably heard the phrase, “What gets rewarded gets repeated.” Guess what? The opposite is also true. At least in this case. “What gets repeated gets rewarded.” Your brain actually prioritizes repetition and routine. When you do the same things the same way, you free up space to be creative and save time in the long run. Establishing daily habits for exercise, work, meditation, meal prep, and community train your brain to be efficient. And I’m all about being efficient. If you own a dishwasher, microwave, toaster, or hair dryer, my guess is that you crave efficiency too.

One Foot in Front of the Other…Over and Over Again

3)   Back in the ‘90s, did anyone ever make you a mix tape? I think nowadays we call them playlists, and we have them for road trips, workouts, and special occasions. Once a year, I run a 10K in July. It’s really hot, and my running playlist keeps me motivated. Did you know that listening to music while exercising actually enables you to use 7% less oxygen? It’s true! I am not a runner, but that playlist keeps me going. Every single year, I finish the race because I just keep putting one foot in front of the other in time with the music. A 2006 study that looked at the effect of music on the selection of treadmill speed found that while listening to fast-paced music, participants increased their pace and distance travelled without becoming more tired. Really! Rhythms work! If you need something to keep you going, try making a playlist for work or for prepping meals or helping kids with homework.

My wish for you in 2019 is that you’ll be able to increase your pace and be less tired and more productive, and I believe you can do it. Write down your current rhythms and your preferred rhythms. No fancy planners. No complicated apps. Just you and your favorite notebook and a positive attitude about the new year.

For inspiration, and a little 80s throwback, maybe listen to this first.

Here’s to good vibes and good work in 2019. I’m with you all the way!

 Ready to take it to the next level?

3 R's: Rituals, Rhythms, and Rest (Part 1 of 3)

Christmas is coming! Christmas is coming!

Around here, we’re getting pretty excited. When Santa shimmies down our chimney on Christmas Eve, he leaves traces of magic everywhere. There’s a trail of candy canes and gold coins from the kids’ rooms down to the Christmas tree, stockings stuffed to the brim with thoughtful gifts, and presents under the tree wrapped with—what else—a unique Santa paper for each child. Someone usually makes a Starbucks run, and then we spend the rest of the day cooking up yummy treats for friends and family stopping by. It’s a glorious time, a time so steeped in tradition, I think our family might implode if I tried to change a single thing.

Which got me thinking…

Why are traditions so important?

The word itself seems so dated and obtuse. No one wants to be traditional. How old-fashioned! We want to be progressive, trendy, and popular.

But tradition is important precisely because it can be counted on never to change.

The tradition is grounding; it helps us understand who we are and our place within the family unit and society as a whole.

My traditions do not minimize or negate yours.

In fact, our daughter loves to ask her friends about their traditions. She loves learning about what other families do, and in fact, many of our family traditions are not things that I grew up with at all, but rather things I read about in magazines or heard my friends doing, and thought, “Oh that would be fun for us!”

Which leads me to talk about something called rituals….

When it’s not the holidays, traditions have another name. We call them rituals, and our days are filled with them.

It’s making a pot of coffee or having tea before bed. It’s kisses and hugs before walking out the door and prayers at mealtimes.

Our everyday rituals are just as important as our traditions. They may even be more important because these rituals form the habits that shape us into the people we become.

A ritual provides structure for our days and weeks. A ritual is a physical cue that tells our bodies and minds what’s next.

The new year is the perfect time to begin incorporating rituals into your everyday life. Think of them as sort of your rules for living.

What are your current rules for living?
What are your preferred rules for living?

During this season of giving and receiving, I hope you’ll enjoy the time honored traditions your family has cultivated. Savor every moment. The traditions you love today will become the memories you cherish for years to come. (And the rituals you practice will become the foundation of your preferred future).

Merry Christmas!

Ready to take it to the next level?

What We Don't Want Can Help Us

I have a friend who is really indecisive. If you ask her where she wants to go for lunch, she’ll say, “I don’t care. Where do you want to go?” Or if you ask her what she wants to do this weekend, she’ll say, “I don’t care. What do you want to do?” I’m sure she thinks she’s being all laid back and accommodating, but the truth is I really do want to know what she wants to eat and where she wants to go.

If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t have asked.

Sometimes, though, I’ll make a suggestion, and she’ll say, “Oh no. I definitely don’t want to eat that.” Or “Nah…Iet’s do something else.”

And while that’s also frustrating for me, I’m glad my friend is confident about what she doesn’t want.

BLOGpic--WhatWeDon'tWant2.jpg

Case in point: When I was just a young chick, straight out of college, I worked as an office assistant in my dad’s office. It was my very first “real” job, complete with the entry level task list and entry level pay. But there was a problem: I didn’t think I was entry level material.

One of those daily tasks included data entry on a massive spreadsheet. I was a fast typist, so I was actually pretty good at this job. I could enter that data like a boss.

I was very, very fast, but I was also very, very bored.

And I knew I didn’t want to do data entry forever.

Soon, I dropped the Office Assistant title and instead began calling myself the Member Services Coordinator. My colleagues may have still thought of me as “just” the office assistant, but I began to introduce myself to stakeholders and clients in this brand new way. I also began taking on new assignments; planning continuing education and training, creating community, writing policy papers, interacting with legislators, taking notes at board meetings, and learning everything I could about what it means to be a change maker.

Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you should keep doing it and just because you love something doesn’t mean you’ll automatically be good at it. But knowing what we don’t want is the first step toward cultivating the skills we need to create a life we love. By knowing what I didn’t want to do, I was able to begin building a resume full of things I did want to do.

I don’t know exactly what I want my business to look like in five years, despite all the books and podcasts and conferences that urge me to write down all my goals and all the steps for getting there. I’ve lived long enough to see things take unexpected turns and to enjoy the surprise people and projects that have crossed my path. Meaning and purpose have evolved in a beautiful way over the last decade.

BLOGpic--WhatWeDon'tWant.jpg

But still—despite the twists and turns—I have remained true to what I don’t want.

  • I don’t want to work in an office where my creativity and ingenuity isn’t valued.

  • I don’t want to be chained to a desk doing data entry and typing other people’s reports.

I don’t want a lot of things that maybe you do want—and that’s what makes the world a beautiful place. There are people who love data entry, who love the feel of their fingers flying over the keyboard and of seeing the lines on the screen fill up one by one. They enjoy checking things off lists and seeing tangible evidence every single day of the work they’ve done. If that’s you, then that’s awesome.

For you, the thought of filling up a journal page with 100 ideas might cause bile to rise in your throat. Or maybe the thought of pitching an idea or a product to an investor or donor would cause you to run screaming from the room.

I hope you always dream big dreams, but also pay attention to what you don’t want. It will be just as important as what you do want. Sometimes, I think it’s a little easier to recognize, too. Believe it or not, I used to want to be a doctor. Just after my first daughter was born, I decided to turn down my medical school acceptance letter. It wasn’t that I minded being on call at night and weekends, having little flexibility during the work day, or dealing with people who wouldn’t do what I told them to do. It was that I knew I didn’t want to be exhausted because I was pulling double duty doing those very same things as a parent to my young daughter.  I knew I couldn’t manage both.

 And I didn’t want to have to choose.

 

 

Ready to do something BIG? Then it's time to get very SPECIFIC!

Every year for as long as I can remember I’ve made a big list of goals. They range anywhere from get in shape to go to bed earlier to get more organized.

But that’s not just a big list of goals. Those are also BIG goals.

But for years, I’d end the year in the exact same place as I started.

  • For anyone who’s actually tried to get in shape, you know that reducing fat and gaining muscle mean eating a healthy breakfast, limiting sugary snacks, finding an exercise partner, and preparing less processed foods just to name a few.

  • For anyone who’s tried to go to bed earlier, you know that means setting an alarm to tell you it’s time to get ready. It means turning off mindless TV and starting a routine that triggers your body that it’s time for bed.

  • For anyone who’s tried to get organized, you know that means a lot more than just buying a bunch of boxes and folders!

 And those are just three examples.

Goal setting can be a full-time job—because when we talk about what we really want we’re talking about all the little steps it takes to get there.

Big goals are great to have, but if you want to be successful, you’re going to have to be very, very specific about what you want. Every big goal is really just the sum of lots of little goals.

And that’s what today’s post is all about.

Just last week, I was having my monthly check-in with one of my accountability partners. Every week, she sends me an update on what she’s been working on. Her list was a mile long, and I was feeling like a real loser, but then she said something that took me by surprise….

“You're on a roll. Look how much you've done. Give yourself a hand. It's wonderful to see the momentum.”

I was feeling down because I felt so far away from my really big goals, but she was looking at all the small things I had done on my way to what I really want. “Look how much you’ve done. Give yourself a hand. It’s wonderful to see the momentum.”

When I looked at my list, I realized I actually had accomplished a lot this month. What seemed like lots of little things were little, but vital and important, and guess what? I had done them. I want to cheer you on as you work towards your really big goals.

Let’s start with a question.

Do you know what you want?

Now, let’s break it down:

What are the things that energize you?

That give you life?

That make you feel strong?

What are you working on right now?

What are your biggest needs?

Is there a skill you need to perfect in order to take your business or family to the next level?

Now make a list of the very specific goals you have.

It may sound like a glorified to-do list. If that helps you get the job done, then by all means think of it as your to-do list. But unlike your normal to-do list, you are NOT allowed to procrastinate.

You are getting ready to make your BIG dreams come true!

When I talk to people about the life they crave, they all tell me they don’t want to be different. They don’t even necessarily want more. They just want to be better versions of themselves.

If that’s you, start by being very specific about what you want. No step taken in the direction of your dreams is ever wasted.

Ready to take it to the next level?


 

 

What Did You Do Today?

What did you do today?

Don’t you hate it when someone asks that question and your answer is “I don’t know!”

You inwardly groan. You were sooooo busy. But, uh oh, you can’t remember anything you actually did.

The truth is, we’re all busy. And today, I want to know, what did you do?

There’s no judgment here. You may have totally knocked out the to-do list or maybe you binge-watched Netflix all day. It’s OK. It’s your day and you can do whatever you want.

Sometimes I realize that I have big plans to get lots of things done, and then without even realizing it, the hours slipped past and I have absolutely nothing to show for it. This is especially frustrating when I have a big list, and I know exactly what to do, but the problem is I didn’t do any of it.

Here’s an example: Last week, I sat down at my desk with about five things I absolutely needed to get done.

But before I tackled a single thing on the list, I decided to rearrange the stuff on my desk. I moved stacks of papers, I shelved books. I opened up my computer. I checked email, and then you can guess what happened—I fell head-first into the deep abyss. Everyone arrived home from school and work, and then as we were sitting around the dinner table I got the loaded question: “Hey honey, what did you do today?”

I was working. I mean, I was in my office the whole time, but I didn’t complete a single thing on my priority list. Uh oh.

#workfail

There were no tiny elves to clean up my mess overnight, so the next day I tried a new strategy. Instead of looking at my list and being overwhelmed, I looked at my list and chose something that was important but not impossible.

 Here’s what I needed to get done:

1)    Finish 52 Week Blog Series Outline

2)    Write weekly blog post

3)    Update items in online shop

4)    Finish Social Media Calendar

5)    Catch up on “Copywriting for Creatives” Course

The 52-week series was the most important thing, but I knew it was also probably going to take me the longest to complete. Once I finished the outline, I’d have to download the image cards, upload the content, flesh out each post individually, and set up a MailChimp campaign. Totally overwhelming! Even though I knew what I had to do, I was having trouble manufacturing the motivation I needed just to get started.

Now, the second thing on my list was just to write a simple blog post. Nothing fancy. I could do that. I have a notebook filled to the brim with blog post ideas. All I needed to do was choose one and start writing—so that’s what I did!

Once I finished, I felt lots of momentum. I was able to finish my 52 Weeks on Identity, and get the other things done too.

Starting with the most important thing can be overwhelming, especially if the most important thing includes lots of steps. You know you might not be able to finish, so why start?

Procrastinate.

Procrastinate.

Procrastinate.

So here’s a new strategy. Do the second most important thing first. Get that done. Feel confident. Move on.

And then tackle that very important thing. Even if you don’t finish, you will have made progress, and best of all you will have crossed off something important on your list.

 One note: Some business experts will tell you not to check email first thing in the morning. If you have the discipline for this, then by all means do it. However, I’ve found that if I were to wait until lunchtime, for example, to check my mail I might miss an important reminder from a teacher or a meeting cancelation. Therefore, I begin the day by scanning my inbox for anything important, but I’ve made a new pact with myself not to open up any of the blogs or newsletters on my subscription list. I just make a mental note to come back to the ones I want to read during my lunch break—when I give myself a timed thirty minute window to read through just a few articles—not all of them.

Want more tips on how to live your best life now?

Let's Change the Way We Talk About Side Hustles

The Beginning

Ten years ago, we moved to a new town. With four young kids, making friends was easy. All I had to do was shuffle down to the bus stop every morning and a half-dozen other bleary-eyed moms stood ready to greet me. We chatted for a few minutes (or half an hour), sometimes went for a walk, sometimes had breakfast. But now the kids are older. Two of them drive themselves to school, and as the neighborhood demographic has shifted, so has the bus route. The moms don’t have time for leisurely morning chats, and exercise and breakfast have given way to hurried greetings as we’re letting the dogs out for their morning pee and apologetic texts about too much to do and too little time.

I found myself wondering, “Where did all my friends go?”

Then I realized that most of my stay-at-home mom friends have gone back to work, and many are also devoted to growing side hustles.

Side hustle.

The phrase is as common to modern vernacular as the social networking platforms that keep them in business. We know what it means to be hustled—to be pressured, urged, and coerced—into doing something we might not like.

But I want to turn this phrase on its heels.

Let's change the way we talk about side hustles.

Side hustles are a lot of things, but one thing they aren't--they aren't bad.

A New Definition

Hustle: [hus uhl]

Noun/ hus* tled, hus*tling

An enthusiastic enterprise;

Verb/ proceeding with determination toward work that matters.

An Enthusiastic Enterprise

Nowadays, it feels like almost as many people have (side hustles) enthusiastic enterprises as they do regular jobs. I used to get invited to Pampered Chef, Discovery Toys, Tupperware, and Mary Kay cosmetics parties. Sometimes I purchased products, and sometimes I didn’t. I didn’t understand why so many people were selling things I didn’t even know I needed. And yet, I wrote checks like it was my job. 

Fast forward a few years, and it seems the party scene is going by the wayside but quietly—at PTA meetings, in the gym, at church, on social media—I’m being invited to participate in other new and exciting ventures. Rather than rebuff this onslaught of vast purchasing opportunities, I’ve decided to embrace the new world order as an experience worth exploring, not because I need more stuff but because I miss my friends. Community looks different than it did twenty years ago, and I don’t want to be one of those people who stays stuck in a decade long past.

Perhaps you don’t, either.

Our Shared Experience

When I was talking to my friends about this post, I knew they were going to tell me how great it was to have "the extra money,” but I was awed by their enthusiasm for the work. They told me stories about how the "side hustle" became so much more than they could have ever imagined, how, in some cases, this new work literally saved them from themselves.

This is what it means to proceed with determination toward work that matters.

Nicole Flint, Mom & Interior Designer
Enthusiastic Enterprise: Rodan & Fields

1.My side hustle creates a plan B for our family
2. I love seeing how this ‘side gig’ blesses other families financially and most importantly, I love having the freedom to make my own schedule. So many of my friends and mentors have been able to walk away from grueling working hours and mom guilt because of this business.  
3. I love that this business forces me out of my comfort zone, makes me stretch myself, lean into personal development and has created a leader I didn’t realize I was capable of being. 

Ashley Russ
Enthusiastic Enterprise: Nonprofit Photographer & Community Advocate

Little by little, a little becomes a lot.  I am passionate about helping to give a future to at-risk, high-achieving kids in Georgia. A lot of these children have mentally overcome a physically desperate situation, only to discover that they are confined financially. For fifteen years, I have taken keepsake portraits of homeless children in shelters who don’t have money for basic needs.  From the first time I looked into those soulful eyes, I knew I had to help. These children are so hopeful and grateful for any assistance from the community. Every little bit we all do can make a big difference. Being part of the CARE and EMBARK programs, gives me the opportunity to give back via marketing, creating websites, fundraising, developing at-risk scholarship funds, taking pictures, and brainstorming ideas.  It is awe-inspiring to watch as 100% of these children who were given a chance at life come back to help others.

 Jill Newkirk, Mom & Elementary School Teacher
Enthusiastic Enterprise: Plexus

Plexus came to me during a dark season in my life. The products and the people I have met along my health journey are God-sends. I work my business to give hope and encouragement to other people. Plexus is about so much more than gut health supplements. It’s about giving back and serving other people.

Eric & Jennifer Tilley, Landscape Company Owners
Enthusiastic Enterprise: Isagenix

What started out as an accidental part-time thing quickly turned into a full-time thing. Knowing I have an opportunity to make a positive impact in someone’s health because of our nutrition system gets me up every morning.

Allison Hodges, Mom & KidStuf Actor
Enthusiastic Enterprise: LuLaRoe

I love it when a woman who hasn’t smiled at her reflection in a very long time finds herself smiling before she even sees the mirror—because of how she feels in the garment—and then when she does see herself in the glass, there is a pause. Almost a new recognition, and then the smile gives way to teeth and a bit of a sway. That. That’s why I love LuLaRoe.

Amber Humphries, Singer/Songwriter
Enthusiastic Enterprise: Beach Body

I love helping people realize their full potential. Be it poor health, financial stress, or self-doubt, I love getting to play a part in people breaking free from the things that hold them back.

The Easy Yes, The Gracious No

(Side hustles) Enthusiastic enterprises get a bad rap. We think our friends are going to peer pressure us into purchasing the thing they’re selling because they are 100% committed to their product, service, lifestyle, etc. Does that mean we should think it's awesome too? I don't know--maybe we should.  I’d be worried if my friends didn’t think what they were selling was the best. But enterprising entrepreneurs are doing a whole lot more than bringing in extra money for their families; they’re inviting us to be a part of something that fills their hearts with longing and purpose. It takes courage and vulnerability to do that well. In an era of over-commitment and value propositions that don’t really add much value, I’d be remiss not to lean in.

You can learn a lot about a person by watching what they do. Their lives will mirror what they say they love. What resonates with you will be an easy YES, and what doesn’t will be a gracious NO (We’ll talk more about saying yes and no in another post).

What the World Needs

I'm not a customer of every one of the products listed above, but I trust each of these women implicitly. They are the real deal--curious, genuine, and brave. They are mission driven in the best possible way. If you’re looking for an outlet that fosters community, a way to express your creativity, or an opportunity to impact the world, you might want to explore an enthusiastic enterprise of your own. The options are limitless. It doesn’t matter what you studied in college or where you live. Resources are everywhere, and you’ve been building your tribe all your life. You can be a small part of a bigger company or you can start your own thing doing something you love. Trust the process; I promise you'll find your people too.

The world needs more people who care, not only about each other, but also about their communities.

What we do together matters.

It matters a lot.

Questions to ponder:

What are you excited about?
What are you going to do about it?
Who can you invite to join you?
When will you begin?

One Way to Break Through Your Personal Blocks

Chantel-Adams-Fear-Less.png

They told me to jump.

“Dare me,” I said.

Then I jumped.

Not from my roof. Not from a tree. (Nothing that exciting)

Not even a swing set.

It was January, and I was at a retreat on Lake Lanier in North Georgia with about 30 other creative entrepreneurs. On the first day of the retreat, our leader pointed to the pool behind the house, and said, “If you want to have a breakthrough, sometimes you need to shock your body.”

Darn it. I was hoping for an inspirational message, some practical workshops, maybe a networking opportunity or two.

But this—no. This felt like the truth or dare of my childhood. I had fixed my hair for this retreat. I didn’t want to jump in the pool. “This is good ‘ol fashioned peer pressure,” my friend whispered.

And I was much too old for such childlike games.

A few years earlier, just as the leaves were beginning to change from green to gold and amber, my son jumped into the deep end of a cold pool. Warm days had given way to cool nights.  His breath caught in his throat, and he sunk like a stone. I watched it happen in slow motion. A friend jumped in fully clothed and saved him. I don’t think I breathed again until they were both out of the water and wrapped like burritos in warm towels on the deck.

That was a decade ago.

In the ten years since, I have been raising my kids. Cooking their meals. Making their beds. Volunteering at school. Sending them to swim lessons. I loved the life we had built, but now I was ready for something new. I wanted to jump.

I gazed at the pool from the window.

A little later I peeped over the fence on tiptoe.

Finally, I stood at the slippery edge.

And then I jumped.

It was a breakthrough. Not only had I broken through the water, but I overcame my fear of the cold. Of course, I didn’t die. I didn’t even go into hypothermia!

All of my senses were heightened. I felt alive! You might be thinking, “Dude. It was just a pool. What was the big deal?”

The big deal was that I learned something about the way our brains work that day:

  1. Dare yourself not to focus on the cold. Instead, focus on the experience.

  2. Dare yourself to do something you’ve never done before. It opens up possibility in your mind.

  3. Dare yourself to tell the truth about who you are. Some of us are daredevils, and some of us truth tellers. The magic happens when you figure out how to be both.

I wish I could tell you that I had a huge breakthrough that week. I didn’t, really. Nothing earth shattering or soul changing. I did just look over my notes, though, and they are chock full of things I want to remember—most notably what I wrote about courage. (If you’d like those notes or a list of questions to help you overcome your fear, please email me at chantel@foreverwe.org and I’ll happily send them to you).

I’m not fearless, but I can fear less.

Maybe you have something important to do. Maybe you’re scared. It’s okay. Do something you’ve never done before, but don’t be surprised if something new and beautiful emerges inside you.

Will you jump?

I dare you.